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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Lauren's Top Ten of December 2011


TOP TEN LIST:
THINGS LAUREN IS UP TO THESE DAYS...

10. Laying and playing in her crib to go down for a nap or after waking up
9. Reading her books in the car and carrying them around the house to read
8. Kissing us and Annabelle, as well as making the kiss noise 
7. Jumping up and down in her crib with excitement when I go in to get her
6. Dancing when she hears music playing
5. Being silly in the bath, playing with her turtles and sample shampoo bottles
4. Dumping toy bins and baskets throughout the house and sometimes playing with the toys
3. Using her signs to get what she wants
2. Walking along furniture & with her walker (even taking a few independent steps)
1. Giving hugs for no reason, other than she loves us 

Friday, December 30, 2011

Just around the corner

Today the decorations came down. The box is sealed again, waiting for November of 2012. Speaking of 2012...it's almost here. I can't believe I'm saying that. I've been reflecting upon this past year and all the greatness that has come to pass. Wow! What a good year, which held so many blessing from God. I even took a moment to go back a read some of my old blogs (so many typos...oops).


Winter of 2011 was a memorable one. Lauren was here and I was on maternity leave for the better part of it. I think back to this time last year and Lauren and I bonding during the day while daddy was at work. I remember all the time spent snuggling and watching movies. Spending lots of time nursing- got a lot of use out of the glider in the nursery. One of the posts I reread was about how we got the glider, even though I wanted something else, and how bummed I was about it. Now I can't imagine the nursery without it- I put in a lot of hours in that chair. We had some family visiting us and meeting Lauren Shea for the first time that winter. It was such a wonderful season to look back on.






Spring of 2011 was a lot more hectic with me back at work. I remember pumping and working and coming home so excited to see Lauren each night. We would sing songs, make dinner, and be silly while we waited for daddy to get home. Lauren celebrated her first Easter. It was so much fun. She started sitting up on her own and having her own little personality. I remember taking lots of videos as we looked at her amazed at all she could do. 






Summer of 2011 was a shiny season, since it began my journey as a stay-at-home mommy. I remember being so relieved and excited, yet scared and nervous of the unknown. I remember heading home to visit everyone and all the fun we had. I remember stressing over Lauren's nap schedule and getting into a routine (I crave routine). Also, our trip to the beach and Lauren's stranger anxiety. It was such a wonderful trip and right after we got back is when Lauren started crawling. Oh did our life change after that milestone- she was on the move. When the summer was winding down I remember feeling nervous about everyone else heading back to work and again the unknown of living with one paycheck.






Fall of 2011 was just terrific. I really have not a single memory that doesn't make me smile. I started watching Noah and began to understand what it feels like to have two babies- yikes! Lauren and I started venturing out to library time. We met Caitlyn and Esther and have since enjoyed many play dates together. I still look forward to getting together with them weekly. Lauren had her first Halloween, looking so cute and cuddly as a cat. I trained for the race in November. We went home and celebrated Lauren turning one year- wow, that was a big moment! So many blessing to look back on.






Now as we head into the new year I think of all the exciting things just around the corner...


"We are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is." 1 John 3:2

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

"I bring you good news of great joy..."

Well Christmas was here (I so remember when it was the "in thing" to write 'Jennifer was here' on things...lol). And it was a great Christmas. We saw many blessing and felt very blessed this year. I really enjoyed starting wonderful family traditions and enjoying the season of our Lord and Savior together as a family. Here is a slide show of all the wonderful things we did to celebrate...

This year, like last, we went to church on Christmas Eve. It is such a great service. They do a spontaneous Christmas pageant. Last year Lauren was asked to be baby Jesus- we felt to honored. This year, as you can see from the picture above, Lauren got to be a sheep. I love the lighting of the candles they do at the end of the service and I feel like it reminds us, we drift off to sleep on Christmas night, that it really isn't about the gifts under the tree but the gift of a baby boy who was sent here to give us the greatest gift of all.

With the thoughts of joyful Christmas tones in our heads, we got home in time to get out our sillies before bed. With Christmas just beyond our grasp- it's time for bed sleepy head. We made sure to read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas - narrated by Grandma P before laying our heads to rest.

The next morning we awoke to presents under the tree and what else do we see...Annabelle...hum do you know where all these presents came from?

After taking care to unwrap each gift, it was time for some fun! Like zooming around on our new tricycle! Bunny Night-Night came along for the ride too.

All of the excitement gave us a big appetite! So homemade blueberry buttermilk pancakes and sausage did the trick and gave us all the energy we needed to go play some more.

After yummy breakfast behind us we got dressed up in our "Mommy's Little Helper" Christmas outfit Grandma P got Lauren. And it's time again to play with some new toys.

And give daddy lots of love too!

Mommy wanted to get in on the fun too! Making a Lego house and of course destroying it make for loads of Christmas day entertainment.

Then the best present of all came... Grandma and Grandpa B! They drove through the Christmas morning and got here just before afternoon nap. We set out with them on a nice walk with the new tricycle and enjoyed the rest of the day visiting. Blessing all day long!

"While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." Luke 2:6-7

Friday, December 23, 2011

Exercise and Jesus

During one of my bible study conversations with Shauna, I made an analogy that I thought I would share. I compared exercise and bible study. 


We all know exercise is good for us. I know that I enjoy exercising for all the great benefits that exercise gives you: more energy, happy disposition, healthy body, etc. And even though I enjoy Zumba, running, and working out- I still struggle daily to do it. I struggle with having enough time or feeling 'in the mood'. Sometimes I feel guilty because when I go to the gym I'm not here to put Lauren down. I come up with excuses why I can't slap on a pair of sneaker and jog around the block for a half hour and why? I enjoy the activity and I know it's good for me yet my mind fights it. I don't make excuses to myself when it comes to watching a TV program. I don't say "oh it'll be okay to not watch this one episode- I'll still be able to figure out what's going on next time." Why is that? Why do we fight what we know is good for us? 


The same goes with working out our spiritual selves. We act the same way as with exercise. We come up with excuses why skipping our daily prayer time or our devotional for just one day won't hurt anyone. Again, bible study is something I enjoy. I feel healthier mental and I feel ready to face the day with my Jesus boots on. Ready to kick butt with whatever comes my way, knowing that Jesus is front and center. Yet how often I think- "Oh I could really use her morning nap time to get X, Y, or Z done" "Missing one day won't hurt" But it does hurt. It lets our Jesus battery run low and once that happens we get a little snippier or we're quick to judge -pointing out the speck in someone else's eye, and forgetting to notice the plank in ours (Luke 6:37-42).


I pray right now that I don't let these things fall to the wayside. That I continually exercise my body and spirit daily. That I look to God daily to remind me of how good it feels to be so close to Him. I also pray that although it is easier to be sinful and give in to my selfish desires that I fight not to. I ask God for the strength to live my life as He envisions it. I'm so grateful to have a God so mighty and powerful that with Him by my side I can do anything. Amen.


"Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven-- for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." Luke 7:47

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

"...Soon it will be Christmas Day"


Sniffle, sniffle-yes we have a round of the yucky cold here in our household. Doing better today than Monday and Tuesday. Feeling less tired and run down and my sinus' feel more normal. Lauren, poor baby, is still coughing and has some boogies. I keep telling myself that she has been sick a whooping three times in her life and that isn't bad. I just hate when she gets sick. She can't tell me what's wrong, I can't fix her with medicine, and she's just pathetic looking. Lots of hugs and snuggles going on here.

We're so ready for Christmas here. We even got an early gift. On Monday night, December 19th- Lauren Shea took her first steps. She left the side of the bed and headed straight for daddy, who was on the floor, and took five or six steps. It was wonderful! I was on the phone with Matt's mom so she was there to hear the exciting news first hand. Lauren hasn't really ventured to take more since. She attempted some more that night, but didn't get much past the first step. We just keep cheering her on and she'll get it in her own time.

Other great news is that Matt's parents might make it here for Christmas evening. We weren't sure when to expect them to visit- since they work with USPS it's hard to get days off at Christmas time. But when I was talking to her they might be down here on Christmas. I think that would be wonderful, I can't wait!! All I have left to do is wrap up some gifts, which is something I look forward to each year.

Feeling mighty blessed and thankful this holiday season! Merry Christmas everyone!!!!

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to man on whom his favor rest." Luke 2:14

Friday, December 16, 2011

Open Eyes

So I've been thinking of a lot of posts, just not writing them down. I really blame it on the early sun set and holiday preparations. The early sunset makes you think bed time is right here and your day is done. So at 4:30-5 o'clock my brain and body start shutting down. Not cool when there is still dinner and other things to get done.

Life around here is good. Getting the cookies baked, house decorated, and present shopping done. I've had to store all the gifts in the closet this year. Usually as they come in I wrap them and put them under the tree to wait until Christmas. This year I can't do that since at Lauren's birthday we taught her how to open presents it might not be a good idea to taunt her with them. Plus I don't want to tell her no, no, no and then Christmas day want her to be excited about the gifts. I'm kind of hoping that when she comes down Christmas morning and sees all the gifts she's be super excited. Ha, watch her care less-lol!

I do most of my shopping online for Christmas. We did go to Target for some gifts this year, but for the most part Amazon is my holiday friend. I love that they will ship stuff for free- it not only saves me from having to go to the store, but the post office as well. Although I had a wonderful experience at the post office the other day. I had to send out Finn's gift and Matt's brother, Josh's girlfriends gift. Matt's work is right next to the post office so I had asked him if he would go with me. It ended up that Lauren fell asleep in the car so he stayed in the car with her and I went it. The line was out the door but it moved pretty steadily. While in line I had a wonderful converstation with a nice lady. I love when that happens because I feel so often we notice the crabby people or the hostile ones- it is wonderful to notice the nice people who enjoy brighten others days.

In the Luke Bible study I'm doing with Shauna it really highlights how God and Jesus usually use the ordinary people to do extraordinary things. When Jesus came he didn't use Kings and Queens or even others in high positions, like priests, to reveal His glory. It has opened my eyes to look for God in those ordinary people around me and to be an person who God can work through. Many people in Jesus' day missed what wonder was right in front of them because they were caught up in how they thought the coming of Christ should look. I don't want to be a person who missed the spender and glory God has laid out right in front of me. I pray that my eyes and heart will always be open to seeing what He has sent.

"...because the kingdom of God is within you." Luke 17:21

Saturday, December 3, 2011

The Thrills and Chills of Growing Up

Yesterday I had an interesting day with me sweet, little baby girl. I realized in full force that she's growing up. You would think with all the hype of her turning one year old it would have sunk in then, but no. And why, you might ask. Well because actions my friend speak louder than words.

The day started out with her not listening when her daddy asked her to stay out of Annabelles litter box. You see, in the past she has "helped" daddy clean the box by having her own pink shovel and "scooping" the pretend litter outside of the box while daddy cleaned the real litter inside the box. It was so cute and she thought she was the most awesome helper. Well yesterday she wanted to jump right in and help with the real litter. I mean we really should have seen this coming, but I'm admitting now that we didn't. Of course he had to sternly tell her multiple times no and yucky. I eventually had to intervene and take her away.

Her actions continued as the day did. She decided to show mommy how fun it is to pull clothes out of her dresser drawers- might I add she did this multiple times. I obviously didn't see how fun it was the first three times so she needed to keep showing me. She also showed mommy how fun it is to play with the living room light timer. Who knew that clicking sound could be so entertaining- well my daughter knew and she was so sweet she wanted to share!

These wonderful actions just proved how big my little girl is getting, especially when she looked at me with those eyes that said "I want to do this, so I'm going to do it." You really need a sense of humor and a glass of wine.

When daddy got home that day, mommy took a time out and walked around Michael's for about an hour. That was all I needed to feel refreshed and anxious to get home a read bedtime stories and say prayers. Amen for daddies and breaks, and double amen for bedtime stories and prayers!

"I will say of the LORD, "He is my refugee and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:2

Thursday, December 1, 2011

'Tis the Season - Part Two

So after all the yuck we headed home to enjoy Lauren's birthday and Thanksgiving with family. I remember last year's Thanksgiving. Matt and I were going to be here alone, so we had planned to help out feeding the homeless at church. Church is our family here, so what better way to spend the holiday if we can't be with our other family. Then Lauren decided, Amen, to come a little early so we ended up spending Thanksgiving with our new born baby and my mom, who had come to spend the week with us to help out with Lauren and the house. It was a quiet day and mom only cooked up a turkey breast since it was just going to be the three of us. It was our first holiday with Lauren and one I will not soon forget.

This year there were a lot more people to celebrate with. My sister, her husband, and my nephew were in town too, along with my step-dad's son- Matt. So my mom had a full house with five adults and two babies added to her and my step-dad. We relaxed and enjoyed each other. My favorite moment is when my mom, my sister, and I took a walk to the lake. We were being silly and making each other laugh. I felt relaxed and full from our meal. I was very content in the moment and was enjoying being with them. Being so far away that type of stuff doesn't happen very often so I embraced the moment.

I'm smiling now as I remember it. I just love them so much. My sister and I are very close in age, 14 months apart (what in God's green earth was my mom thinking- yikes). We tend to be opposites, although just the other day we discovered that our core values and life ideals are very similar but how we live them out isn't always the same. Shauna and I have been doing a Bible study on Luke and it sure is wonderful to see our relationship grow and to share the Lord together makes it feel like its strengthening too. It's hard ,since now we've lived apart from each other for just a little under half our lives, to really forge that bond and continue a strong relationship. But God is making it happen and I know we're both very grateful for it. Especially with the babies now and staying home, it gives us common ground, which is something we didn't always have. I know that I sure am thankful this year for our growing relationship.

We also stayed with Matt's parents and as always it was fun and relaxing there was well. We had my dad and step-mom , Sue, over for dinner on Lauren's actual birthday. All day long I kept remembering that day just one year ago. How I went to brunch with the girls and was bummed when the contractions stopped mid-day. Then how I was afraid they were going to send me home from the hospital when they were sure my water hadn't broken. Matt kept picking on me because I said I wanted to stay up until 11:50- and sure enough he was right I fell asleep just shy of 11:50. I can't help that I'm not a night person.

Lauren eating snack at her big girl table at Grandma & Grandpa B's on her birthday

The Saturday after her birthday we had a big birthday bash at my in-laws for Lauren. There were only four kids there, lol, one was Lauren, one was her cousin Finn (5 months old), and then the two kids I use to nanny when I was in college. Emily is in high school now and Ethan is in middle school. It was more for us than her, but she had a lot of fun. I had made her two cat cakes. One for her to have and smash and eat and one for the rest of us. She L-O-V-E-D the cake and frosting. She's got four sweet teeth, that's for sure!

Lauren's Big Cat Birthday Cake

Over all we had a wonderful visit. I was thankful for the time to relax and see Lauren get to know all of her grandpas and grandmas, aunts, uncles, and her sweet cousin Finn. I loved that I didn't have to cook for a week. I didn't realize before leaving what a nice break that would be, but I can tell you I sure appreciated it. I think the cakes and Thanksgiving stuffing were the only things I baked/cooked. It was great to spend time with Matt too. I would call it a successful vacation and a wonderful visitation! I'm a poet and did even know it...hehehe...I know I'm corny and I'm okay with that!

My sweet baby girl enjoying her little cat cake at her birthday party.

"But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord" Luke 2:10-11

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

'Tis the Season!

Well we just got back from our trip home. It was SO wonderful to see everyone and to be with Matt and Lauren for ten days. It was a rough start since Lauren and I came down with a stomach bug and we ended up leaving a day later than expected. It just blows my mind how I have been more sick this year with getting the flu and a stomach virus than I have been with all my years of teaching/being around all of those sick students. Maybe my immune system took a vacation or something- goodness!

So the week before we left was a very, very busy one. We had something going on each day. Monday we had some great out-of-town guests come in. My friend Christine and her two daughters stayed over night while they were passing through. She's a friend from my church back home and I hadn't seen her since Matt and my wedding six years back. You know you have a good friend when it feels like it was just yesterday that you saw each other last. I had a great time visiting and catching up with her.

They left Tuesday morning and then Lauren and I headed to library time and then on a play-date with Caitlyn and Esther. We went over their house and had lunch, played, and then took a walk around their neighborhood. I so enjoy the friendship we've formed. Time with Caitlyn and Esther is something I look forward to weekly.

Then Tuesday night I was suppose to head to Bunko, but I was starting to feel yucky. That is also when Lauren's poops started to not look so good. So I didn't end up going and we just stayed in and laid low. Wednesday Lauren was a little fussy but other than that we seemed to be just fine. I made four pies for church and we got stuff done around the house and had even dropped by church to play with Jason for a bit. Then Thursday came and Lauren wasn't doing good at all. This of course was to be the busiest day of them all. I had to fold bulletins at church, Matt and I were to get haircuts, and then I was helping serve dinner and clean up at church. But Lauren wasn't eating much or drinking. She had two more nasty diapers and fell asleep on me early for her afternoon nap- not a typical behavior for her. I started to get worried so I called the doctor.

Oh- sort-of off topic, I was so annoyed by the doctor's office. My pediatrician has two office locations. One is five minutes from my house and one is twenty. I prefer to take Lauren to the one closer if I'm taking her alone. The further location is close to Matt's work so if it is a scheduled appointment that he wants to be there for, I usually make my appointments there. On this day though, I would have preferred the five minute drive so I called there. I left a message for the nurse and didn't hear back so after 15 minutes I called again but this time just tried to make an appointment. The operator said they didn't have any appointments so I should try to get one at the further location and she 'patched' me through to their nurse. Again I left a message. Finally the first nurse called me back, but told me I should take Lauren to "KidMed" or the emergency room. I was like- "What?!?" She was ill yes, but not so ill that I felt the need to take her there. I called Matt and was unsure of what to do. Before I made any decisions though, the second location called and their nurse told me to bring her into the office. I was baffled how I described the same sick kid and got two different responses. I quickly put two-and-two together and realized the first lady didn't have any appointments so she was so easy to send me else where.

So back to the story. I took Lauren to the doctor and she sent me home saying it was a virus- which is what I figured she would say. After getting home there was no way I was going to make it to my hair appointment- Matt thankfully did. Once he got home I had to go straight to church. I help serve dinner (including my four pumpkin pies, which I was happy were a hit). I started feeling yucky just about time to clean up. I was so grateful for the angles, know to us as Morgan, Connor, and Kevin, stayed to help. Another lady, Brenda, and I were signed up and it took us almost two hours with our unexpected youth helpers. I couldn't have imagined how long it would have taken without them. By the time I left there I felt horrible. I just wanted to die. I had the worst back cramps and felt sick to my stomach. I crawled into bed and sweet hubby that he is, Matt took my temp and sure enough I had a fever. Friday I wasn't able to watch Noah- we didn't want to pass our germs on. Matt stayed home from work to help out with Lauren. I was a mess, and little did I know the worse was still to come.

I still had stuff to do. I hadn't started laundry so I could pack. I really needed my hair cut, so I had rescheduled it for Friday- not knowing that I going to get sick. I had to fold bulletins and return them to church and I still needed to stop at the store and pick up a prescription for Lauren. Thankfully with Matt home this day was a lot smoother than I had imagined. I was able to do bulletins, drop them, get my hair cut and get her prescription in the span of two hours. Again I came home a crawled into bed. I'm so thankful as I look back that Lauren was over her yuck by the time I came down with it. I'm sure that is how it usually goes.

We were suppose to leave Saturday morning to head home, and by Friday night I think both Matt and I knew there was no way this was going to happen. I attempted to help out and packed my clothes and Lauren's clothes- but that was a lost cause. Saturday morning I wake up sicker than ever. I couldn't be to far from the bathroom and I was just down for the count. Any pipe dreams that we had of leaving were thrown out the window. I was so bummed, but there was no way we were ready to leave let alone, drive in a car for upwards of ten hours.

Matt used that day to continue packing and taking care of Lauren, while I used that day to lay in bed and try to get better. Ready or not we were going to leave on Sunday. Usually we try and get out of the house as early as possible in order to get to someones house with time to visit before bed. Sunday we just aimed to leave, and I think we got out of the house around 8:30. All in all, it wasn't horrible, but it sure wasn't the best timing for a stomach bug, but then again when is a good time? I'll have to post again soon with our adventures back home. Funny how I never meant this to be a two part post, but it's time to get dinner on and this has been long enough.

"So [the shepherds] hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Luke 2:16-19

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Top Ten Things that rock because I'm home

TOP TEN LIST:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BEING HOME...
10. The sleep schedule
9. Being my own boss
8. Talking with my sister and mom more
7. Enjoying my time with hubby in the morning, and not feeling rushed
6. Having time to pray and do Bible study and not feeling like it's just one more thing on my list
5. The quiet- one baby makes a lot less noise than 25 children, that's for sure
4. Having time to get stuff done: shopping, cleaning, phone calls, cooking, etc.
3. The lack of stress is heaven sent!
2. Having the time to make "Homemade" meals for my family to enjoy
1. Watching my baby girl grow up day by day

"And the times, they are a changing..."

The sun is showing itself less and less and the cool autumn air is making us bundle up more and more- oh how I love this time of year! Halloween has come and gone and now my brain is singing a Christmas tone (I'm as bad as the retail stores, I know) "...it's the most wonderful time of the year - ding, dong, ding, dong...!!!

So what's been doing on in our house (I apologize for the scatteredness of this post). Well Halloween was a ball. Lauren dressed up as a cute cat. She and Noah got to stroll around Noah's neighborhood looking all cute and sweet. We were afraid that she wouldn't want the "hat" part of the costume on her head but she didn't give it any mind with all the other things going on around her. It was such a fun night!

Taking a ride around the neighborhood to show off the babies!

The cuties cat and duck ever!

Lauren has also gotten her first cold. Yucky boogers have taken up residence and it was interesting to see how she reacted to this. At first she didn't want anything to do with the saline spray and tissues but once she was so stuffed up she couldn't breath right she would just lay there and look so thankful for the same saline spray and tissues she would make a huge fuss about using. She has been a trooper and it's on it's last legs now and for that we're all grateful.

I've run my 8K! It was a lot of fun and I'm so thankful for Heather (my running buddy) who kept me going. Throughout the training we only ran together once- the Saturday before the race, but it was like we were meant to run together. Everyone I've ever run with before has been too fast, but not Heather- she was my "Goldie Locks," she was just right. I usually run with my iPod going and stay focused on my own thoughts- but the day of the race I forgot my iPod (heavenly intervention I believe) and we just ran and talked. She is a slow, steady runner and it was perfect for me. We ran all 4.96 miles and it was wonderful! The first mile felt like it was forever and then each mile there after seemed to go by faster and faster. We sprinted across the finish line and were so energized and proud of our accomplishment.

Mommy's best fan! Matt and Lauren came to cheer us on even though it was a cold and frigid morning.

Heather and I post race!

And now we're preparing to head "home for the holidays" (yes another Christmas carol running through my head). We're heading up this Saturday and staying through next Sunday. I've set it up to drive home the Monday after Thanksgiving so we don't have to worry about the crazy holiday traffic coming or going. I can't wait to be with family and celebrate Lauren turning one year. We're having a party at Matt's parents home and both of our families will be in attendance- all the aunts and uncles, grandmas and grandpas, and a handful of special guests too. We're at my mom's house for Thanksgiving and I'm looking forward to Lauren and Finn playing together. The last time they saw each other Finn was just days old, so this time will be quite different (we hope).

Lots to be thankful for this Thanksgiving! "Come, let us sing the joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song. For the LORD is the great God, the King above all gods. In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him. The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land. Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker; for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care." Psalm 95:1-7


Friday, October 28, 2011

Snuggles and Cuddles

I've been getting sad these days as I watch my baby grow into a toddler, as I nurse less and less, and as she flourishes more and more without my aid. Sad for what has past and yet happy for what is yet to come.

There is so much to be thankful for. I find myself in prayer more and more as I just give thanks back to our Loving Lord for our little girl!

As Lauren approaches 1 year we are slowly but surely weening her from nursing and introducing whole milk into her meal time. I'm sad to watch this time come to an end, but in some ways I'm glad to call my body my own. It's been her home, source of comfort, and her means of nourishment for the past 21 months- and I know you might roll your eyes at me as I say that I think she's a bit sad to loose it too. Well you're wondering how I know this, and to be quite honest I might be reaching here, but these are my feelings/findings so let it be.

Once Lauren became mobile she has been less and less of a snuggle bug. This made me heartbroken because I'm having to let her go more and more as she pushed with both arms to get down and be 'free'. But I've always relied on my nursing time to get my snuggles in. Well now that time has been less and less. Lately though she has awoken from some naps in distress (I know this by the cry). I go up to see what's going on and I pick her up to comfort her and whisper that "mommy's here, it's okay" and then we snuggle in the glider. Some times, when I'm lucky, she lays in my arms for a minute and tosses and turns her head only to fall asleep. All she wanted was mommy and it's in this moment my heart is beaming with delight. It is such a special time for me. It has been a long time since she has slept in my arms and I never want it to end because in the back of my head I wonder if this will be the last time she does this. Is this just one more thing I have to give up for her to grow up.

I'm so proud of my big girl and all the things she can do, and I can't believe how much she's grown. So thanks be to God for the wonderful gift be bestowed upon Matt and I. We pray daily that we do Him justice in raising her!

Lauren Shea, 1 Year

"My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant..." Luke 1:46-48

Monday, October 24, 2011

Ripping off a Band-Aid

Tonight I was faced with how I deal with change. How I deal with good-byes. And I'm realizing that after a life time of change and good-byes (or what can sometimes feel like a life time) that I like to "Rip the Band-Aid" right off.

I've gone through a lot of transition over the years. In my adult life I can think of a handful of changes, which includes, but is not limited to: going to college, transferring colleges, breaking up with long term boyfriends, moving from one parents house to the other and back again, moving four states away from home, getting a job, getting married, changing jobs, moving into my first house, changing a job location, losing two pregnancies, changing job locations again, having a baby, leaving my job...just to name a few. And tonight, I just added another.

Tonight I went to a meeting that discussed my youth pastor's transition to leave our church. I have been working with him and the youth at my church for the past two years and have grown so much in my faith because of this ministry. So, the thought of him leaving is yet another transition I will have deal with.

So...what have I learned from all the transition listed above? Well- that good-bye is only as hard as you make it. That we can't truly rely on this world and what it has in it. We can trust what God has blessed us with in that moment- so that is where we need to live- relatively speaking.

Sometimes I feel like I've become hardened and other times I think I've become wise- lol. I find that when I go home for a visit, if I'm just focused on the fact that I'm going to have to leave then I just get sad. I don't want to be sad when I'm home, I want to enjoy the time I have with my family to the fullest. I want to know that the moments I have with them are making memories that I will enjoy reminiscing about. When it's time to go, that's when I cry. In the moment when I have to leave and the band-aid is being ripped of, that's when I cry. Otherwise- I would have memories filled with tears instead of smiles. I would have memories filled with sadness instead of joy.

So tonight I'm going to focus on the special times to come, before Jason leaves. I'm going to remind myself to live in each moment, which God has blessed me with. I'm going to make memories that I will look back on and smile. I'm going to keep in prayer for what God has planned for me. I'm going to be thankful that He placed Jason in my life when he did, because if there is one thing I know for sure- is that Jason is one of God's angels and I'm lucky enough to have any time with him, even if it feels like it wasn't enough.

PS. The Bible/God back up my "wise" thoughts, read on...

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

"As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower in the field." Psalm 103:15

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Monday, October 17, 2011

Nap Time Tears

I had a thought today as I put Lauren down for nap. My thought was that we are such babies!

Each day I put Lauren down roughly at the same time for nap. Most days she is sooooo ready for sleep and down time, and yet most days she cries and carries on in her crib for a bit and then finally gives in to "sleep, sleep."

Don't we do that with God. As much as we might NEED something don't we often whine and fuss about it?

I'm not perfect, but I often know what's best for Lauren. I'm not putting her down for nap just because, she needs it.

What in my life do I need, that God is trying to give me and I'm fussing and carrying on over???

Anyway, these are my thoughts.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Car Seat, Smar Seat

Car seats. They are a lot of things: important, necessary, expensive, confusing, and the topic of conversation in our household these days. As sad and scary as it is to say, Lauren is approaching the one year mark (I winced as I typed that). One of the milestones that comes with this achievement is the green light to allow a child to be forward facing in the car. Subsequently she will be able to leave the warm snuggles of her infant car seat and move on to her big girl car seat.

When we were registering for gifts it was very easy to pick out the first car seat. They are often called baby carriers but are more technically known as infant car carriers. It was easy because it was obvious. This next phase of child safety seats, not so much.

From the research I've done there are two options we can use for this next stage, a convertible car seat or a convertible booster seat. The convertible car seat can be used instead of an infant car carrier but lacked the convenience of allowing the baby to stay in the seat outside of the car. Which, I assume, is why most people by the carriers. Baby is asleep- no mind- just take the seat out and leave baby sleeping!

Now, the convertible car seat sports a five point harness to be used at all times. Where a convertible booster the five point harness to begin with but it can be removed and the seat can still be used with the car's seat belt. Also convertible car seats can be used in the rear facing and forward facing positions, while a convertible booster can only be forward facing. With a convertible, you will subsequently need to purchase a separate booster seat once your child has sized out of the car seat (taking into account the height and weight). The plain booster seats are a lot cheaper.

So the dilemma, do you purchase a convertible car seat or a convertible booster seat? Part of me thinks that the convertible booster would win out. Lauren doesn't need to be rear facing and this seat would last longer (we wouldn't need to buy any more). But there are not many of these available on the market and they don't seem as protective on the sides. Plus, even though she's a year, the recommendation are they be rear facing for two years (not that I want her to be, but the convertible would be able to do this).

So the conclusion...we are going to purchase a convertible seat for my car. Which Lauren rides in 95% of the time. We feel this one is the safer route since she is still so small and it offers more protection on the side. Plus, in my car Lauren rides right behind the driver and will need more side protection in case of an accident. Then we are going to get a convertible booster for Matt's car. She can be forward facing in the middle seat, which still offers great protection. She isn't in his car often so this car seat will be a better move financially too. This way won't have to purchase two more car seats in the future- just one booster seat for my car once she out grows the convertible car seat.

So in Lauren's life time we will be able to only purchase four car seats- why better than the six I had originally envisioned. Baby number two will be cheaper still, since we'll be able to reuse the infant car seat we bought for Lauren! Goodness- this was my research and findings. And of course many, many discussions with Matt about it. Now onto baby proofing... :-)

Friday, October 14, 2011

In a nut shell...

Today I felt the blessings of God in my new roll as stay-at-home mommy and baby-sitter. This blessing was exemplified after a visit to my old stomping grounds. This Wednesday I had Noah, which isn't usually a day I watch him, and all three of us took an adventure up to the two schools I use to teach at. It was so nice to see everyone and to show off Lauren and Noah. Noah's mommy (Amy) is a librarian at one of the schools- so I got to show him off at the first school, and then Amy got to show him off when we got to her school. This is something a proud mama enjoys doing. But beyond the smiles that everyone greeted us with, I could see stressed and tired faces.

It really brought me back to last year and how over whelming it was being a pregnant/new mommy and trying to tackle the challenges of being a teacher as well. The students were great and it usually wasn't them causing my stress- it was everything else. There was always too much to do and never enough time to do it all. The upper administration was so disconnected from the classroom and they always seemed to compound an already hard task. The paper work and the late nights were tough too. I could just empathize with them and thank God for the grace he has extended to me by allowing me the opportunity to stay home.

That leads me to today. I was in a G-funk mood today. Not sure how I came up with that terminology but that is what Matt and I call a day that you just aren't yourself. Your not mad, tired, cranky, or upset- just blah. You usually can't put your finger on why you feel "out of sorts" and it's hard mood to shake. So anyway, that's how I was feeling today.

And now for the blessings (man can I ramble)- I was so thankful today that I got to just be home during this mood. I had Lauren and Noah here but they were okay with me being a little more quite and out of it. I was so thankful that I could just embrace that today wasn't going down as my best day ever. I just got to do what I needed to help my mental state- be quiet and chill. After lunch I cleaned up and put the kids into the jogger stroller and off we went on a three mile walk. We all embraced the fresh fall air and sunshine. I just enjoyed the babies the rest of the day and tried to do little things around the house to feel productive, yet didn't feel really pressured to do much at all. In fact, when I think back to life when I worked out of the house and now, stressed is a word I rarely use to describe my 'new' life. I would say "busy" this the adjective I use most frequently. This is a word I'm okay with though. This is just my day/mood and all of its blessings in a nut shell.

A picture of Noah and Lauren when we went for a run on Monday. My running/walking buddies!

"I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit." John 15:5

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Our Cup Runneth Over

A lot of blessing have come our way in these past few weeks. I feel like the Lord is knocking at my door and I'm trying to look and listen at each turn.

The first of a few blessings happened when we went pumpkin picking. Each year, except one, since we've been here we go to a local farm and get hot cider, fried cakes, ride the hay ride, and pick our pumpkins from their pumpkin patch. It is number two on my top ten favorite days of the year. I look forward to it each year and Matt rolls his eyes and smiles each year. Although, this year I think with Lauren here he was just as excited and into it as I was.

Lauren is "Mommy's Little Pumpkin"

Anyway, when we got there I ran into one of the ladies I worked with a few years back. She is the reading specialist at one of the schools I taught at. She took my kiddies each year and she is a barrel of fun. Always smiling and just bobblely. She has a little girl, who I think is in 4th grade now. She noticed the headband in Lauren's hair. I HAD to put something in Lauren's hair because she was in a black, grey, and orange outfit and without the headband she looked like a little boy (see above picture). We got to chatting and she said that she still has all of Lillian's old hair bows and she would love to pass them along to me. I was just telling Matt that I wished I had some hair bows for Lauren, since her hair is growing in and it looks like a boy hair cut right now. And then God blessed us with tons of hair bows! The gallon sized bag was three quarters full!

Blessings number two came from multiple people. Three people have blessed us with clothes lately. My good friend Garrett has once again given me a bunch of loaner clothes and a Halloween costume. Enough pants and shirts to get us through the winter. She also gave us a few fall time coats (see pink coat in the picture below) and a winter hat. The cute Halloween outfit you see in the pictures is from her too.

Two friends from church have also blessed us. Sandy, she has two girls- one in 1st grade and one in preschool, she gave us a Halloween costume, two coats, and a hat with matching mittens (the coats and mittens are a little bit too big for right now, but will fit in a year or two). Than Jenny, (she also has two girls) she gave me three paper bags full of clothes for the spring. This is the third time she has blessed us with hand-me-downs. There we some wonderful clothes in there. Same as the last three times.

Blessing number three came from my mother-in-law. She often gets things for Lauren at garage sales. I had asked her to look for a winter coat for Lauren and that I would be super excited if she could found some snow pants. I know that there isn't much snow around here as compared to back home, but when it does snow I want to take Lauren out and play in it. I loved playing in the snow as a child so I want to be able to share that with her. She didn't have much luck at the garage sales for the coat so she found one on e-bay and it is awesome!!! I didn't expect one nearly as nice as the one she got- it's a warm, but not too thick and bulky, Columbia coat and matching snow pants. I was so grateful. I'm really not interested in winter weather getting here any sooner than it has to, but I sure am ready to put her in this cute coat!

Just wanted to be sure to jot down God's blessings, so I can look back and remember!


"Every happening, great and small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us, and the art of life is to get the message." ~Malcolm Muggeridge

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Vampire Bite- Yikes!

This week has been interesting to say the least. Again, I can't express how different what I envisioned staying home would be and how it actually is.

Poor Lauren is struggling with these teeth. It's been a rough week. It amazes me how different she is once I've given her some Advil. Modern medicine is heaven sent! For example: yesterday she was extra whiny and just irritable. I decided not to give her Advil since she wasn't too bad- well until it was time to make dinner. Oh my- this girl was on my legs like a fly on honey. So today, right after breakfast she got some meds. Today was much better. She wasn't as clingy and whiny. Life was much better for her and subsequently for me too.

Today we had a run in the our vampire cat. Silly Annabelle gave me a heart attack! It was just about time for Lauren to go down for her afternoon nap. We had been to the store and to visit daddy at work. After we got home, I was once again organizing Lauren's clothes and making sure that I have everything out that she will fit into and things that no longer fit or are summery put away. I had changed Lauren's diaper and was using the facilities myself when I heard Lauren start crying. She had taken off chasing Annabelle into our bedroom and then the next thing I heard was Lauren crying out in pain. I ran in to see Annabelle standing next to Lauren, who was in complete meltdown mood. I looked at Lauren trying to find out why she was crying and sure enough Annabelle had laid right into her. It looked like a vampire had sunk its teeth into her. Once I had picked up Lauren she stopped crying and I started to panic. I remember pacing back and forth a few times well I figured out what to do. Looking back I'm thinking - way to react Jennifer! So anyway, I called Matt and he said I needed to not panic and call the doctors. So I did that and we went in.

It's funny since Lauren is my first child and all the 'firsts' are happening with her, I hope she forgives me for being such a fuss bucket. The nurse and the nurse practitioner were so laid back about it all. Like the had seen it a billion times, which is probably true. The NP even said "This won't be the last time the cat bites her- just make sure you clean it out real good when it happens." Oops, I didn't even think to do that in my panic.

Anyway she is fine and she's on antibiotic. I'm bracing myself, since this will be her first time on any medication besides Advil and Tylenol. I got the probiotics from the pharmacy and have stocked up on Yo-Baby Yogurt. Hoping this helps ward off the down side to this wonderful, helpful medication.

I guess we're really in the Halloween spirit around her since Annabelle decided to dress up early. (Okay, I'm well aware that I'm a cheese ball at heart).

"Pray, and let God worry." ~Martin Luther

Friday, September 30, 2011

So cute!

Look at Lauren's little tooth! She's had it for few weeks but we (Matt) finally got a picture of it while we were eating the other night. And tonight we noticed the one next to it is peeking through the gums too. It is just another sign that my baby is turning into a big girl right before our eyes.


Today I went to Target and bought her some new onesies. When I went through her clothes and switched them for the season and size change we were left with like five or six onesies that fit. I don't know how that happened. Since she's been born we have had enough onesies for a small army of babies and then all of a sudden, our onesies well has dried up. Anyway, back to the point. I purchased 12 month size since she's 10 months I felt it was more economical to buy big, and on the package description said she's no longer a "newborn" but an "infant." I don't know why but that made me sooooooo sad! She's my little baby and the thought of her growing is sometimes an exciting thing and other times it makes me so sad.

I had a friend tell me once that she knew she was done having kids when she stopped being sad when her youngest reached her milestones. Mind you she has four kids. Another friend told me she knew she was done when she saw a pregnant woman and felt sorry for her. This friend has three kids. Well, I'm not at either of those places. I get really sad when Lauren reaches her milestones and sometimes wish I could go back in time, and I still look at pregnant women with envy (most of the time).

Matt and I have discussed how many kids we'll have many times. When we got married, I wanted two and Matt three. Now we've switched. I don't think I'll be done after two and he thinks two is plenty. Hum...I wonder what will happen. I guess that is for God to know and us to find out.

"God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame." ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Busy Little Bee

When I pictured what life would be like staying home with Lauren, I didn't necessarly picture what life looks like now. My image was more made up and posed. I remember feeling the same way when I started teaching. I had pictured this happy classroom where each lesson plan was won over by each student, inspiring them to want to know more...okay well maybe I was more realistic than that. But I do have to say somethings are better than I imagined and other things are not quite the same (not bad, just different). Then there were things that I just knew to expect because I nannied two cuties each summer during college.

I imagined spending lots of time with Lauren as she developed and grew each day. This is a billion time more wonderful than I could have imagined before she was born. There is something about ones own child that you just don't understand until you have one. To see her smile, laugh, investigate, learn, explore, and pick herself back up after a fall just makes my heart swell with joy and admiration. I also imagined going to parks, outings, and the library with her. This is even better than imagined too. It's like having your best pal with you everywhere you go- now she is a little more needy than the average BFF, but I let it slide since she's such a cutie.

Now the things that didn't fit into my mold. I imagined getting all my household chores done while she slept...lol...like that would really happen (what was I thinking). I laugh now, but I made a list of small projects I wanted to do in my "spare" time- lol...only two of them have gotten done- organizing the kitchen pantry and cleaning out the fridge. Some weeks I'm lucky to get the minimal amount of chores accomplished, silly me. I also pictured things being more laid back. Maybe I forgot that I was the person who was staying home- lol, I have to work at being laid back, where to some people it just comes naturally. I do have to say that to some extent thing are laid back, but I still feel rushed to get dinner done, just like when I was working. Except now dinner is healthier and homemade more times than not, unlike when I worked and dinner was whatever was easy and fast. On Mondays and Fridays with Noah here, it can feel more stressed too. I enjoy watching him and am glad for Lauren to have such a great buddy to play with, so don't get me wrong- but taking after two babies sure steps up everything a notch.

I knew what to expect with some things. Like, what could entertain a baby wouldn't necessary entertain me. I knew days wouldn't always go as planned but the best chance of that happening was to plan ahead as much a possible (mostly talking about outings). I also knew that you could get lonely (although I haven't felt that too much). I also knew that it was going to be a lot of effort/work. No days with me just sitting around, kicking up my feet, and sipping away on an umbrella drink (hahaha, I sure make myself laugh sometimes).

It's funny that most people don't have any real understanding of how much work a teacher does in his/her day on top of the actual teaching- I think this is also true of motherhood as well. It isn't until you are in the "trenches" that you realize how much work it is. I'm glad I'm called to this job. It's rewarding, tiring, eventful, loving, fun, and some times just plain busy!

"He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity, and honor." Proverbs 21:21

Saturday, September 24, 2011

When it Rains, it Pours...

A few days ago Matt put the FuzziBunz in the dryer in the morning and since I was leaving the house before the drier was going to be done I stopped the dryer. I figured I would start it back up when I got home. I did that, but when I went to take the diapers out they were still wet. I was busy (note yesterdays blog for all that jazz) and didn't think anything of it, so I just turned the drier on again.

The next load of laundry I did was diapers again and again they weren't dry when I took them out, but silly me I thought it was the diapers, which by the way makes NO sense in retrospect- I know this. So today I put in a load of Lauren's stuff - since it's getting cooler and I had pulled out Fall outfit options that have been stored away. Gotta love and be thankful for the gracious people who have given us hand me downs and loaner clothes. Well anyway, when I opened that load of laundry and it was still soaking wet, it finally dawned on me that the dryer might be broken.

Poor Matt has spent the last three hours pulling out the dryer and going down the check list of things it might be. He has since determined it is the Thermal Fuse. This is a part we have to order or pick up from a store that is closed already for the weekend, so it won't be fixed tonight. But again I'm grateful for Matt being able to do the problem solving and labor to fix it so it will just cost us the part. God is great!

I do have to say that I have remained rather calm through the course of the last weeks events. I think there might be two time I can recall feeling like I might burst at the seems, but it pasted quickly and quietly. I just keep reminding myself that life is full of bumps in the road and a lot of energy gets wasted on them. I credit God to this new found sense of peace. I've been building my relationship with our LORD by devoting more time to reading and studying His word.

I feel overwhelmingly blessed these days. Lauren is a major part of this blessing. It is very hard to look at her and not see one of God's miracles. I also want to be an example for her. I want her to grow up knowing how great our God is. I wish for her spirit to be nurtured with God's water from an early age, so she can go to Him and receive His loving embrace when she needs/wants it.

I came to know God's grace when I was in High School. I've always wished that it had happened sooner. Once you see how great our God can be it's infectious and you want everyone to know the weightlessness of being in relationship with Him. The worlds problems don't go away but when you've got God the burden of navigating through them and around them is so much easier. So if it's raining, may God's living water pour over me!

"always be thankful. For this is God's will for you who belong go Jesus Christ." Thessalonians 5:18

Friday, September 23, 2011

Freaky Friday

Well today was surely a Freaky Friday! I was sick yesterday and it was yucky, but God gave me the best husband in the whole wide world, who helped me through! In fact, it wasn't just a Freaky Friday but it was a Freaky Week now that I think about it. So let me start from the beginning...

Monday was fine- in fact Monday was a great day. Enjoyed having Noah here and then Amy and Noah for dinner. It wasn't until Tuesday that all the "fun" started. I was so tired Tuesday I was sure I had a ball and chain attached to each leg. I took a nap, and it helped- but it was a busy day/night. In fact it was Tuesday night that we realized that the A/C wasn't working- not cool. Matt was up most of the night trying to figure out what was wrong. He never really could pin point it, so Wednesday we had a guy come look at the system. Lauren and I were all over the place Wednesday so we weren't home to feel the heat. But it compounded the fact that I was not feeling myself. The A/C guy told us our Thermostat was broken- Amen it was something easy. I laugh because he quoted us $350 to put a new one in. We went to Lowes and got one for $98 and Matt installed it. It's funny how $98 can feel like you're getting a deal when it's compared to $350.

It was Wednesday after getting home from Lowes that noticed I was feeling even worse. I laid on the couch after we put Lauren down and I felt like a truck had hit me. I stayed awake until the next nursing at 9:30. While I was nursing it felt like my joints and muscles were aching and old. I just wanted to sleep forever and Thursday was suppose to be yet another busy day. When I woke up the next day I was feeling a bit better so I got ready, but during breakfast I was back to feeling yucky- so I took my temperature, and sure enough I had a fever of 100.1.

Matt had left early and taken my car to get it inspected. When he got back at 8:20 to drop off my car I told him that I was running a fever and I needed to sleep. He decided to take a sick day from work so he could stay home and watch Lauren. Amen!! I slept ALL morning and afternoon and then went to bed at 10 without any trouble. I had to cancel my Education Committee meeting that morning, lunch with a friend, and not go to high school youth group that night. So my busy day turned into my sleepy day.

This morning I woke up feeling better, not 100%. I was glad to not be sick since on Fridays I watch Noah. Mornings are always busy and today proved to be busy like normal. They both went down for a wonderful morning nap, so I did get time to do my daily devotional- which I hadn't done the last few days. But this afternoon Noah went down early and then woke up fussing for food- poor guy was hungry. Then I give him his bottle and get him calm and it's time to put Lauren down. She took forty minutes to go down- yikes! Every time she would quiet down, Noah would make a loud noise of some kind. I moved him into the playroom and she finally went down. After twenty minutes of her sleeping I decide to put Noah in the jumper. Once he was in it I called Matt to talk him about Lauren taking forever to go down for a nap, then I noticed there was a spider on the jumper. I was trying to get the spider, it was a fast little guy. Noah was wiggling and the spider was fast, and before I knew it a dropped the phone and woke up Lauren. I was tired and done at that point, so I gave up.

Needless to say Amy got there an hour later and we laughed about the day, which made me feel better. Then Matt got home and gave me a bunch of hugs that made me feel even better. Now I'm feeling even better, and I'm glad tomorrow is Saturday!

Just wondering when life is going to settle down a bit more. I don't need it to be boring, but a little less hectic would be nice. I think that might be part of my prayers tonight.

"Apart from God every activity is merely a passing whiff of insignificance." ~Alfred North Whitehead

Saturday, September 17, 2011

A day of relaxation and so much more...

I feel myself more and more noticing the blessing that surround me daily. I know that I've been blessed each and every day I've been on this earth, but sometimes it just feels like my cup runs over (Psalm 23:5). That the place I'm in is exactly were God intends for me to be and His blessing abound!

I feel very lucky to be able to stay home with Lauren. We've made and will make many more sacrifices to do this, but I've never once thought God won't be there holding our hands to make those hard sacrifices.

Just yesterday and one other time this week, even Matt has made a comment about how glad he is that I'm home with Lauren. Earlier in the week, when Lauren pulled herself to a standing position in her crib for the first time I was able to snap a picture of it and then email it to Matt to show him what our sweet baby girl did. He was so excited and part of his response was "aren't you glad you were there to see it." My thought were YES!!! I know that part of him was sad he wasn't, but that it made him feel better to know that I was there. It really hit me then to think we could be paying someone to witness all of these firsts for us. That thought made me sad. I feel so blessed that I'm here witnessing it all!

Then yesterday Matt came out and said "I'm glad you're at home taking care of our daughter." That was music to my ears! I know that it has always been a dream of mine to be a stay at home mommy to my children, and I'm glad to know that my husband shares in that dream with me. I know that God has blessed me with a gift to teach, but more so a passion to help children grow and blossom into what God has created them to be. I would hate to think that I wasn't able to do that for my child, like I've been there to do it with some many others.

So today was just wonderful as well. Matt let me sleep a little longer and he took Lauren down and they ate breakfast without me. Then we all stayed in our pj's until after lunch time. We finally got ourselves dressed and headed out to do some errands. Lauren fell asleep and we decided to go for a drive, which we use to do more before sweet Lauren came around. We got home, enjoyed play time, made and ate dinner, and finished with a Skype chat with Matt's mom. Every part of today was enjoyable.

Now it's time to head upstairs and snuggle with Lauren one more time before we wrap up a day I'm so thankful for.

"...But as for me and my household, we serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

A sad smile as I remember it all

I've been meaning to write a post about my nursing experience for a while now. I might have to make it into two parts because there is a lot to tell. I feel like it has been such a wonderful experience, but it has sure had its fair share of ups and downs. Mostly I'm writing this so when baby two and maybe three comes along I can remember how it was with Lauren- the good, the bad, and the down right wonderful!

I guess I'll start at the beginning. When I was pregnant I had wanted to nurse my baby, for how long I was unsure, but I know that it was a hope of mine. I didn't want to get my hopes squished like a bug, so I kept telling myself that if something happened that didn't allow me to nurse- life would be just fine. I have had a few friends that really wanted to but for some reason or another it didn't work out for them. I understood that it wasn't a given.

But to prepare, Matt and I signed up for the breast feeding prep class the hospital offered. I chuckle as I remember that Saturday so vividly, since we got a flat tire on our way there. We got off the highway to check out the situation after our tire pressure light came on. I can still hear the "whooshing" when I got out of the car to check it out. LOL, so we had to turn around- driving with the tire flat most of the way home- to switch cars and show up late. I remember being eight months pregnant and holding onto the car like we were on a roller coaster and I was about to fall out. Matt was so calm and just drive us home. I promised the instructor that I wasn't using it as an excuse but we really indeed did get a flat tire on the way. Oh goodness- interesting how this road proved to have its fair share of bumps even before Lauren was born.

So then pop- out comes baby Lauren (lol, if it was just that easy). Lauren failed to latch while we were in the hospital. She was so tiny and she tried but just wasn't very successful. I asked the nurse to have the lactation consultant stop by and the nurse had me start pumping first thing to help my milk come in. The first lactation consultant was not a nice lady. I remember her taking Lauren and just repeatably pushing her onto me, a little more force was used that I felt necessary. She wasn't friendly or understanding at all- just grumpy. Lauren was just crying and crying and so was I. I was frustrated that it wasn't working and my baby wasn't getting feed- even though I know she really wouldn't have been getting much if anything at that point and she was fine. The lady finally stopped using bruit force and calmed me and Lauren down.

They had me continue to pump and I started getting the "liquid gold" as it is so fondly called. They had Matt and I put the liquid into a little plastic syringe looking thing, have her suck on our finger while pushing the liquid from the syringe into her mouth. I have put a picture below in case my description is a little confusing.

Daddy feeding Lauren with this crazy syringe
Then I asked again the second day at the hospital for a lactation consultant to come and help- praying it wasn't going to be the same lady. Thank the Lord it wasn't. This lady was sooo much sweeter and understanding. She was calming and friendly. She tried to help Lauren latch without much success though. I had asked the consultant the day prior about a breast shield and she said that it was something they used as a last resort. I asked on the second day for it as well. I had known about the breast shield because one of my friends, Ashley, had to use one with her first daughter. So after too different consultants Lauren still wasn't latching, I was pumping, and we were feeding her with the syringe.

We left the hospital and headed home when Lauren is less than 48 hours old (since she was born at 11:50 pm, we were sort of jipped a little) and she still isn't latching, but I'm trying at each nursing to get her to. They told us to wake her every three hours and feed her. So after getting home we spend the first night waking a sleeping baby, trying to get her to latch, which results in her crying and then I have to pump while she waits and then I feed her. It was a process that took almost an hour and then we'd be good for two hours and then we'd start all over again. My mom would assist me with all this during the day and then Matt had night duty.

By the Wednesday I was pumping way more milk than would fit in the syringe, but no one at the hospital told me that we should be feeding her whatever amount I was pumping- so we continued to do what they had instructed us, which was nurse her for 15 minutes on each side, then pump and feed her the syringe. Well if she had ever latched she would have been getting ample milk- but she wasn't so all she was getting was 2 cc of milk at each feeding. Instinct told me that wasn't enough. So I called the lactation consultant place on Wednesday and asked what I should do with the extra milk I was pumping. The lady told me to start storing it, when in hind sight I should have been feed it to the poor baby. But no one every told me and I was so tired and beat it never occurred to me.

Now looking back I feel awful because she wasn't eating anywhere near enough and became jaundice and dehydrated because of it. If I had seen the doctor on Thursday it might not have been as bad as it was, but that was Thanksgiving. So we continue this tedious task of every three hours trying to get her to latch- which she never did, pumping, and then feeding her the milk through the syringe until the pediatric appointment.

All of this changed on Friday, the day of our doctor appointment. Now Lauren was born the Sunday before Thanksgiving. We left the hospital on Tuesday. Normally you would head to the pediatrician on the second day of being home. Since that was Thanksgiving, we had to wait until Friday. That morning I was telling my mom how absolutely grateful I was that we were headed to the doctor because instinct told me this craziness were were doing with this stupid syringe just didn't feel right. We didn't have an appointment with a specific doctor because it was just an open day where you showed up and got who you got since it was the day after Thanksgiving. Thankfully when the nurse took us back she asked how everything was going and I said that Lauren was doing great but we were really struggling with nursing. She said that she would get Dr. "T" because she was great with nursing mothers.


Well Dr. T was an angel from heaven that God placed on this earth for Lauren and I. She is wonderful and I will forever love her for what I'm about to tell you because if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have been able to nurse my daughter- so Amen to God for his angels!
Lauren at her first doctors visit
Dr. T came in and she had me show her what I had been doing. I've never been so unshy in my life about showing a complete stranger my "private" parts. If this lady was going to help me I was going to do whatever needed to be done- I think it is one of those mother instincts. So I showed her how I was nursing and she wasn't latching. She checked her suck and said that it was great. I told her how we'd been feeding her. One of the first question then out of her mouth was if I'd tried a breast shield- I about had my eyes bug out of my head. I told her how I had asked twice at the hospital for one and they wouldn't give it to me. She said that she usually had some on hand but didn't at this office location, so she looked it up on Target's website and found they had some, so she sent Matt across the street to pick them up. In the mean time she gave us a small bottle of newborn formula to give Lauren- which that little girl just started sucking down because she was so hungry!

Matt came back within ten minutes, we were nervous that since it was "Black Friday" it would take a while, and we put it on and my daughters eyes lite up. She just went to town and nursed like she had been longing for this moment all her life (a whole four days, hehe). I was so happy and angry. Happy that she was nursing, but angry that she had been under feed because the stupid lactation consultants could have prevented those four days of pain and anguish if they weren't so - hum how do I put this- open to the fact that nursing with help is better than not nursing at all.

I sure left that appointment high on life. Things became so much better after that. We were still having to wake her at night because she hadn't regained her birth weight yet (she was no where close with the little food that she was getting). We hit another bump in the road when she wasn't latching right because she would get her tongue all wrong and milk would be everywhere. Now mind you I was pumping after nursing still- and I eventually did that less and when I stopped pumping my supply went down. I was all nervous about that. But another friend and angel of God told me about the "Mother's Milk" Tea. So I started drinking that, which I continued for the next six months.

We eventually got the hang of it and had a nursing schedule of nursing for 30 minutes (15 on each side) every three hours. It was a heaven sent once she gained her birth weight back and we didn't have to wake her at night. She was, and still is, a good sleeper. It wasn't long after we stopped waking her that she was moved into her crib to sleep.

At around three months I headed back to work. Our routine at that point was me waking her up to nurse at 5 am. Then I would pump her first bottle. I would pump twice at work- once when my students had specials (10:30) and then again at the end of the day (3:30). I would come home and nurse her at 5 and again at 8:30-9. She would get three bottles of expressed milk during the day. Since I pumped so much when I was on maternity leave and then twice while at work there was a never ending supply for the sitter to give her.

Once she turned six and a half months old and I was done working, our schedule changed again. I stopped pumping (woohoo!) and we started waking her up at 7 and nursing then. I had NO desire to continue to wake at 5 am. She would nurse at 7, 9:30, 12:30, 2:30, 5:30, and again at 9:30. I moved the night feeding back so she would sleep longer in the morning. She was also able to nurse more effectively and get her fill in just 20 minutes. I felt like I was winning the lottery. Ten minutes on each side made the process seem so much faster and I enjoyed it more.

Then at around seven and a half, eight months she dropped the 9:30 feeding. She was more interested in napping/sleeping than eating. At about eight and a half, nine months she dropped the 2:30 feeding. Again she wasn't eating well at that feeding and if she did her 5 o'clock feeding was horrid, but once I dropped that one she ate just fine each day at 4. So now at ten months old, her schedule is 20 minutes (10 on each side) at 7, 11, 4, and 9:30.

The next thing I plan on doing is dropping her nursing at 11 and giving her expressed milk I have saved up in a sippy cup. I've been giving her water in a sippy cup to "train" her how to use it. I have so much milk stored that it will go bad if I don't use it up, so I'm sad about nursing even less, but I need to get a grip and start letting her grow up.

Wow, to say this is a long post is an understatement, but I just wanted to get it all down before I forgot the story. It feels like forever ago that I was experiencing it all and I know it won't be long before I can't quite remember all the details. Just glad that I was afforded the opportunity to do this for my daughter for as long as I have. Right now my plan is to ween her by her first birthday. I'll keep you posted on how that works out for us.