Fluid...

Flu-id: adj.

2. Readily reshaped; pliable.

3. Smooth and flowing; graceful: the fluid motion of a cat.

4. Changing or tending to change; variable

When I looked up the word fluid in the "Free Dictionary" online this is what I got. This is how I feel we always need to be. Life is never "normal." I've come to the conclusion there is no such thing. It's like when you realize the tooth fairy isn't real or worse those other wonderful mystical characters that bring you goodies and treats aren't quite as real as we'd like to believe them to be. 

Life is fluid. It is always flowing and reshaping. It is always changing, causes us to change too. 


I've been known to resist change. When something works and is reliable, why change it. Why take the precious time, we never have enough of, and change it when you know it works. That is why I still you the same laundry detergent and have never tried another. 


Heck sometimes change sucks. Especially when it is forced change, or unwanted change. Someone passes away that you hold near and dear. You can't fight it, you can't bring them back, you MUST eventually accept the change that occurred.


On the other hand change can be good. A new car for instance. When is a new car not a good thing?


One thing is for sure, that change is inevitable. If we aren't pliable and graceful about it then we're making life rougher than it needs to be. If you're full of grace, and relying on faith and prayer, you'll be better equipped to see the good in change. You'll better accept that God works for the good. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28


God is the only thing we can rely on not to change. If that doesn't bring you peace, then I'm not sure what will. As crazy as life get, as full as the schedule is- I know God will always be there. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD you God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6


So as I pray for my husband tonight as I am thinking of these things. I'm so grateful God blessed him with a new opportunity, a new job. One that will challenge him. One that will bring him blessings- this I know. I also pray for those who are making this transition more difficult that it already is for him. He has some co-workers who are not being fare to him. Instead of being happy for him or saying they will miss him, their using guilt and giving their own personal opinions on what to do. I pray that they see Matt is following God's plan for him- not their plan for him. And lastly, I pray for Matt to feel confident that although everything is about to change- God is there and He's not changing. When we put our trust in the LORD, we can't fail or go wrong! "Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your covenant is trustworthy, and you have promised these good things in you servant." 2 Samuel 7:28 


AMEN!

A Shooting Star

A beautiful sunset, a relaxing run, a day at the beach, time with a great group of kids, yummy s'mores, a blazing nightly fire, and a shooting star. These are just a few of the wonderful things I experienced on the youth retreat I chaperoned this past weekend.


I felt like this was a symbolic (I'll explain that later) and needed trip away from normal/everyday life. It was the first time I was away from Lauren for more than an evening or a few hours here or there. When I was thinking about doing it, I was thinking how hard it would be to leave her and maybe I shouldn't do it. But I was resolved that God had opened this window and I should just jump in with both feet. When I talked to Matt he had no problems with it and he was up for the challenge of being home with Lauren for a weekend all by himself. So I told Jason I wanted to help out and I didn't look back.


When we got there it was kind of cold and windy. The water was rough and choppy. But after unloading the stuff we headed to enjoy the beautiful sunset on the water. I can't tell you how much I emotionally/spiritually needed this trip. In fact, I didn't know how much I needed it- but God did. When we got to the sunset we weren't able to get on the beach since the water was so rough and high that where the beach was suppose to be was now covered in water. Instead we sat on a rock wall watching it. As I watched the beautiful red and orange glow on the horizon I found myself praying. Talking to God about how I was feeling. How I was sad that the baby I longed to have was with Him and not me. How I felt like the rough water that splashed around below me. My emotions all over the place. I felt grateful for the sweet, lovable baby girl I had at home. I gave thanks for her and all she means to me. Tears just ran down my cheeks as I told Him that I'm on His life plan not mine. I've accepted what has happened and I began praying for what could be. That He would continue to be by my side as I ramble down the road we call life. I silently wiped my tears as I finished praying and enjoyed his beautiful glory until we turned around to walk back. 


That night the fire was wonderful, the laughs and devotionals were relaxing each muscle in my body. Allowing me to be Jennifer and not mommy or wife. The s'mores brought sweetness to the soul, which I needed. And the sleep- oh the sleep was wonderful! So wonderful that I woke up on my own, early the next morning. And I decided that I was going to enjoy the "me" time I'd been gifted. I went for a run/walk/run. I ran for a mile or two and then walked through the local marina enjoying the boat names. It reminded me of childhood. When we would go on boat trips around the lake and in each port I would read the names wondering why each owner pick that one for that boat. I looked for the funny ones and enjoyed the wonderful sounds of the lines hitting the masts (oh such a relaxing sound). Then I ran back the opposite direction as I headed to the beach. This time I picked up the pace and pushed myself. Reminding myself that it would be worth it when I got there and stretched (my favorite part of working out). By the time I made my way back to the house it was still silent and I my "me" hadn't ended so I pulled up my book and an Adirondack chair and enjoyed the view and the story. By the time people started getting up, I was ready, I was relaxed, I was feeling better. 


We enjoyed breakfast, another devotional, and then kayaking. Still the water was choppy on the river and waves were crashing into my kayak, but as rough as the water was I remained calm and relaxed. Even enjoying the water splashing in. But after paddling out of the river and into in inlet, I entered into smooth, calm water. This made me think of Matt and how we took his parents canoe out once on a small pond near his house and how I was being silly and thinking each water ripple was coming from a swamp monster. He played along and we had a wonderful time. Then I prayed for us. That we would stay strong with God as we continue rambling down this road we call life together. 


After kayaking we headed to the beach, then back for lunch, another devotional, and then back to the beach. Have I mentioned that this was the spiritual/emotional vacation that I so desperately needed. 


After dinner that night we had another fire. We sat around it for hours. Talking, laughing, and having more devotionals. These kids inspire me. Just listening to their responses and their love of our wonderful and all powerful God. It gave me hope for them and their journey down this road we call life. 


At around midnight we ended the devotional and we were all just sitting and talking. We started admiring the night time sky and awing at God's splendor. Then out of no where I saw a shooting star. This star was hope for me. Hope for the future. Hope of what is to come. Hope for things I don't even know to hope for yet. God's marvelous vastness didn't seem so big in that moment. It felt close enough to hug. It seem personal- like the whole weekend felt. Although I was surround almost the entire weekend by people, God was working on me. Healing me. Holding me. Giving me hope in Him and in myself. 


As we left that Sunday, after another yummy breakfast and small and intimate service, I couldn't help but notice how calm the river was. I couldn't help but notice how calm my soul was.



*Picture taken by Jason and borrowed by me* 

"Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; Save me, and I shall be saved, For You are my praise." 
Jeremiah 17:14

Lauren's Top Ten at ~18 Months

TOP TEN LIST:
WHAT GOOFY LAUREN IS UP TO NOW...

10. Making weird noises with her tongue when she talks with herself 

9. Giving Good-bye kisses to everyone
8. Painting, Gluing, or anything else crafty she can get her hands on 
7. Eating at the table, no more tray on her highchair 
6. Pulling every book she owns off the shelf and carrying them around the house
5. She's in L-O-V-E with her Dada (he thinks she's pretty cool too)
4. Playing with Dolly Baby- feeding her, loving her, throwing her (not sure why)
3. Going poop on the potty (not all the time but hey she's not even two!)
2. Trying on her big girl underwear- just like mommy has!
1. Talking- too many words to list but she's got a lot! Some of my favorites are bubbles, Mama, dirt, Matt, bowl, Go-Go (for Goldfish)...)

Daddy's Love

As I write this post, or should I say start this post since I usually start them and finish them at different times. Anyway, right now I have been kicked out of my kitchen so that my little girl and her daddy can collaborate on a most wonderful card for me. As I swished by on my way to go up stairs and put away the ironing (saying "I'm not looking" as I passed) I noticed her sitting on his lap so patiently. It brought up a feeling I have quiet frequently- that my little girl LOVES her daddy, and that my husband LOVES his little girl.

My mom put it the best when we were talking shortly after Lauren was born, that Matt took to fatherhood so naturally. From the moment she was born he wasn't one of those dads who awkwardly held his new baby, but he embraced her with his arms like he had done it ten million times before. He would, and still does, sit with her and just marvel out loud at how amazing she is. From her growing limbs to her insightful actions, he is always in aw of what a beautiful little girl God blessed us with.

In fact, he was the one hoping and praying for a little girl. Me, always wanting a brother when I was younger, was leaning towards the boy side. Little did I know...the joy of being the mom to a sweet little girl.  Now I think, bring on ten more, and then I remember she's going to grow to be a teenager and ask God for a boy or two in there to keep me sane.

When Matt gets home from work each day I say "Daddy's home!" and she goes running to the front door. She gives him the biggest smile of the day (I don't get too jealous) and squeals with delight. They then venture down the driveway to pick up the mail, trash can, recycling bin or a combination of them and then to Dada's car to get his lunch bag and laptop. It's something they've done since I started staying home. I know she looks forward to it and so does Matt. And to tell you the truth it is something I look forward to as well. Mostly since it means my hubby is home from work and we get to enjoy his company until the next morning, but because I love watching the two of them together. Spying on their special time together bring joy to my soul.

I love that he is such a wonderful father to her. As Mother's Day is tomorrow I find myself reflective on how wonderful it is to have these two cuties in my life. I must be special since God gave me them. That's the best present I could ask for. Although I know I'm going to be so excited for my master piece of a card too!

"Let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth." 1 John 3:18

I think we have a monkey!

 We took a family trip to the zoo and brought back a monkey!

Just Lauren and her daddy!

Oh my!

Family Shot

We've got a runner!

Just Lauren and her mommy

She was in love this this carousel. When we got there she watched it and watched it. Matt and I decided to let her ride at the end and boy her smile never went away.

The next day we walk into a quiet living room (quiet usually means she's up to something), but we find her changing Dolly's diap-diap. So we let her continue playing so nicely by herself.

Matt goes back in to find we brought a monkey home from the zoo! (She was standing up without a fear, but by the time he got the camera she started getting down- go figure.) 

Visitors!

We had some wonderful visitors! My dad and step-mom (Sue) came down to visit us. Lauren had a ball with them. She's gotten better and better with each new visitor at having fun and playing with them. Needing to be stuck to mom is now a thing of the past, or so I think. Grandma Sue taught Lauren a new word- EGGIES! As they read the same book over and over all weekend, bless her heart. It was so great to have them here and as always we got lots of house projects done...including a new patio door!!!

 Here is my house exposed to the elements, which thank God was sun and hot air only. My dad had the old door out of there in no time. Annabelle and Lauren didn't know what to make of it at first. As we already knew, the old door was a rotten mess, so A+ for replacing it before it just fell out on its own.

Here's dad getting everything prepped to put the new door in. Oh my lovely new door! We did a lot of things to make sure this one doesn't rot away after just twelve years of use. A+ to dad for rocking the know how to do it all. 

Here we are about to put the new door in and say bye bye to the huge hole in my house.

And it's in! The door was a bit smaller than the old door but you would never know. My dad was a miracle worker. It's all caulked up and we used this new PVC wood stuff (Azec) so low maintenance and PVC can't rot- so bring on those summer storms.

I just took these next two picture since I realized I didn't have the finished product photo. You can see that the sidelights open and have screens. That way I can vent the house, let cool fall/spring breezes in, and listen for little Lauren noises while I'm cooking and she's playing. That way we don't need a screen door. Which would sound weird to say but this is the door we use 99.9% of the time we enter or leave our house, so when your hands are filled one less door to deal with is heaven sent!

Here's the outside view. I also love that the grid is inside the window. My old door had it outside and it was a pain in the bum to clean each little panel. The little things in life can make us such happy people!

I'm so grateful for my dad helping us out with this BIG project. We couldn't have done it without him. I don't even want to know how much he saved us money wise. I told him when he comes down for Christmas this year it will a nice labor free visit- well sort of, there is this one thing...

Simply Blessed

Today I'm sitting here thinking of our blessings. I try and do that daily, especially when the "going gets tough". It's in those times when I need to remember all the good going on that is often overshadowed. In the good times it's easy to get content and forget how blessed we truly are in that moment. That is why I started this blog, to have a written account of and share all the blessings that we, as a family of three, have.


When I do prayers with Lauren at night and sometimes when I say grace at meal times I find myself out of time to list the blessing I have, and then in my own prayer time I noticed I'm more focused on the needs of those around me and what is happening that day to have time to list the many blessing God has given regularly. 


I'm so grateful for the house that keeps us sheltered and safe, the job Matt has that allows us to pay our bills so we can have things like heat, air, water, phone, and electricity. I'm thankful for two running cars and the gas in their tanks. The food in my pantry and on my table each day are both blessings. Healthy bodies and minds is another wonderful blessing that we sometimes take for granted. The family and friends that support us in so many different ways- this is one I can go on and on about. My wonderful, supportive, and loving husband, along with my sweet, smart, and beautiful baby girl are my most cherished blessings. When I look at them, hug them, or think about them I know that all the craziness of the day or the season of life we are in doesn't matter as much as they do. Most of all the love, grace, hope, and joy our Lord gives me- without him none of this other stuff would be possible. 


So on days when I'm feeling stressed. On days when life seems too complicated. When the weight of the world is pushing down so hard and I feel like I can't take any more- God shows me I can. God provides me the strength. God supplies me with my needs. I can always count on that.


I'm by no means saying that life is always good and you can't be sad, annoyed, cranky, or just plain tired. I'm saying that the rainy days help me to appreciate the sunny ones and the cold days help me appreciate the hot ones. Life is balancing the good with the bad and the nice with the yucky. I don't like that I've lost three babies but if I hadn't have lost the first two I won't know my little Lauren Shea. Without having dated three guys that I didn't fit perfectly with I won't have grown to fit perfectly with Matt. It's all about outlook.


Things have been in such flux around here. I needed to remind myself of the simple, basic blessings that surround me daily. I'm not sure of a time, now that I think about it, when life was without change and adjustments. I guess sometimes there seems to be more dramatic change than others. I look back to the beginning of the year and things seem more stable then. We've had two big house projects with the heating/air system and the door. (I have trouble sometimes dealing with my house being "out of sorts" and it making me out of sorts.) We were pregnant and now we're not. All yuck that came with both being pregnant (aka being so sick for five weeks straight) and then losing the baby (aka the emotional anguish). 


Matt's work has been a source of major adjustment too. He loves his "job" but the company isn't doing as good as they once were and so the stability of his job is a source of stress for him. Well God's blessings struck again. He received wind of a job opportunity and went for it. He has since accepted the job offer and in June will be starting a new job.  This is awesome for him and I'm so proud of him for being the man he is. But it's more change. More nerves and unknown in our near future. 


For someone who strives off structure and stability God is sure rocking my world these days, but if I keep my eyes on my blessings and keep my relationship with God strong I know that in time the rocking will slow and life will feel less chaotic and crazy. I know that sometimes although change is hard it's for the better. There are countless examples of that throughout my life. I just pray I stay strong and relax a little.


"Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. It is not enough that a thing be possible for it to be believed." ~Voltaire