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Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Thoughts from yesterday and beyond...

Well my first thought is from yesterday, but I didn't have time to write this yesterday since I choose to nap instead, so please forgive me. 

That thought came to me as I was "oooing" and "awwwing" over old pictures of Lauren as they popped up on my screen saver. When Lauren was about three months old I went back to work to finish off the school year. I spent four months of her life as a "working" mom (still feel like I'm a working mom, just doing my work from the comfort of my home with my sweet daughter in toe). I left her daily to head to work and came home, raced home, to see her waiting for me. 

I know that God had a reason for me working those months and I'm glad I did it. Glad it helped Matt and I to see that me staying home was the absolute right choice for our family. But my thought was...I won't miss out on four months of baby #2's life. I won't have to leave her five days a week, for four months. I won't have to wonder what she's doing. I won't have to wonder if she's happy or sad. I won't have to worry my brains out that she's okay and that the person in charge is doing what "I" would do (talk about control issues, girl I got them). So, although, she won't ever get this one on one time that Lauren and I have- she will get me all the time. This was a pretty calming and reassuring thought.

Another thought from, hum, I guess Monday-  was thoughts of wondering what this baby's entrance into the world will be. I wonder how her story will "start" (I completely understand it started about seven months ago, don't get me wrong). I was thinking of Lauren's Birth Story and how I would have never in a million years been able to predict what happened, and that made me think how her story will begin. Will I deliver early again? Will she be right on time? Will she stay snug in there a little longer than expected? Will I labor more at home than I did with Lauren? Will she be a fast labor, like all my others? Or will she be slow and steady? Will she struggle with nursing like her sister, or will she take to it like she's a pro? Will she fuss or cry a lot? Will she like to snuggle? Will she enjoy the swing or the bouncer seat more? Will she be easy to calm? Will Lauren and her have an instant bond?

All these thoughts and more make me feel like I'm getting ready to enter the third trimester. I'm starting to go beyond the condition of the house, which by the way is still only about half ready for her (according to my standards for those who might be rolling your eyes), and thinking about who God is knitting together in my womb. Who has God picked out for us? We feel blessed beyond measure with our first bundle from Him- I can only begin to imagine how we'll feel with two nut balls making ruckus in the house. 

As I'm trying to figure out what Lauren will want under the Christmas tree this year, I think of God. Is he as excited as me preparing for Lauren's Christmas as he's preparing my gift? Is he getting antsy for me to open my gift, like I am to see Lauren open hers? I find it comforting that he already knows how it will all turn out and how we'll react to this precious gift. I find calm in knowing that he'll reveal the answers to all my hearts questions in His time. It's like I know the next chapter in my book is ready for editing and the rough draft is looking pretty good. 

I pray for all my questions and all there answers. May God have his hand on all of them. Heavenly Father please give me the peace of mind to place this all back in the palm of your ever warm and comforting hands. Allow Matt, Lauren, and I to enjoy the time we have left as a small family of three. Help us to prepare for this sweet baby. Be with us, as we know you always are, to show us the path you've laid out for us and help us to follow your ever beautiful light. I pray all of this in your name, Amen.

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