"... I take one step forward, you take two steps back..."

I feel like that crazy Paula Abdul song- yesterday we at least got two naps in. Today, she's slept- ZERO minutes for nap. I wrote my pediatrician an email- I don't know where to turn. I'm doing what the "book" says and it's not working! My mom keeps telling me to relax and give it two weeks. It makes sense to give it two weeks, but I'm just so broken up after each cry session- I don't feel like I can last two weeks. I can't even call it nap time in my head anymore. It's more like Cry Fest '11.

Can you tell I've gone mad from it all! I just feel like I'm torturing her. And for today's nap she's served up a side of "gotcha." Where she will be quite for a bit, so I think she's falling asleep, then the moment I've got my hopes up she starts crying out again.

Part of me just wants to cry along with her. I feel like she shouldn't even "remember" the paci at this point. The pediatrician was just saying at her nine month check up that she has a very short, short memory and attention span- so why does it feel like she has this longing for her paci after six days?!

I think I might need to check into a funny farm if this doesn't work itself out. I'm just out of ideas. I just keep praying and praying- is this one of those times when God is answering my prayers and I'm just not hearing him or I'm looking in the wrong direction? I've never felt like a bad mommy until this. I feel like my intention are correct. She should be able to sleep without a paci at nine months old. Really after an hour of crying, does she even know what she is crying for? I'm just broken down and torn. I'm pleading with God for some answer, some solution, some way of helping her without creating a new "habit" for falling asleep. I feel like I'm screaming to an empty room and all I hear are my own echos.

I know that God doesn't ever leave us- but I'm felling mighty alone right now. I'm trusting that he'll help me but feeling pretty high and dry, and that feels pretty yucky! Can I really last for one more week of this?! I can, I can, I can- that's what I keep telling myself. I can! But I'm not sure I believe it...Oh Father- help me!!!