Lots of thoughts running through my head today so here is the potpourri of my brain- sweet smelling but a whole bunch of mixed matched hard to identify stuff in one post. Just to warn you this post starts out light and fluffy, and get's a little bit more deep as I'm working though some stuff in my brain and on my heart.
Super excited to have ventured out this morning with the girls to my first garage sale. I was bummed to only find one in our area setting up shop on Friday but it was still a neat adventure all the same. Lauren scored two awesome items- she got a Build-a-Bear Hello Kitty for just a whopping $4 and a PlayDough kit for just $3. A total of $7 spent and we were good. Lauren has been loving on her Hello Kitty all afternoon/evening. We even dressed her for bed like Lauren. She's not really into dolls so it's neat to see her with a stuffed animal that is more like a doll. It's just not the same to put a shirt or diaper on Sharky and the best we've done with Bunny Night-Night is hair clips. Also, an added bonus is there is a "meow" sound maker in the paw. We found that after we got back in the car from the park- completely unexpected find but it was like it was waiting there for her packed in a box in some ladies shed.
Also going on in our lives, we're cloth diapering Olivia! There is more about this to come, so click here. But I was also super excited to use my clothes line Matt and his dad instilled about a month ago. I did my first wash load of diapers and since it was finally sunny out today, they got to air dry in the warm sun. When I called my MIL to tell her about my garage sale excitement and getting to use my clothes line, she called me a 'Renaissance Woman', and I sure feel like one. I was able to save my family money today in two totally different ways, but that makes me happy to know that I'm doing it. I might not bring much money into the house, just what I make from watching Brooke here and there, but I feel like I'm able to contribute to our monthly budget in different ways. Like lately I've been making my own red sauce and freezing it. I know I'm not saving hundreds or anything, but each little bit counts.
Anyway, I've been wanting to write a little about the thoughts on my heart/brain. I've been thinking about a few philosophical things. I sometimes wish I was smarter and knew where to find the answers to all my 'life questions'- I'm sure I'm not the only one who wishes that. I know God will direct me to the answers if I pray about them and rely on him- so that's what I've been doing- I've been praying.
I've been wondering when is enough, enough. Do we as humans always strive for more? Do we ever feel content or do we always look ahead for the next thing? And is looking head saying that we're not content with the here and now? I've been praying lately for a lot of things, but I was thinking today that I need to pray for God to help me know what to be focused on. I know this is probably making no sense but I'm trying to get my thoughts down without too many specifics, I'm just not ready to share them here yet. So I've been wondering, when in life or maybe I should say, when should we in life just sit back and be content. And is this what God wants us to do?
See part of my issue is I'm a planner and so I'm always thinking forward. It has been a trait I've always viewed as a positive attribute. I'm not completely focused on the future, but I've got one eye on the here and now and one on where I'm headed. This part of my personality reminds me of a lesson my dad taught me when I was learning to drive. First we started out in the parking lot, and then we moved to the side roads. Once I was on the side roads my dad told me you're not suppose to look at the road right in front of the car, but out in the distance. When you're driving, if you're too focused on your front bumper you will not be prepared for what is to come in the near future, you won't know where the car is headed. But if you look into the distance, out ahead of the car you'll be better prepare for what's to come. You can still use your peripheral vision for what is directly around the car, but that can't be your focus. So am I too focused on the future, what's out ahead of me and not enough on the peripheral of my life. I'm I having tunnel vision? Is me thinking about the future too much in some way distracting me from enjoying what I have right now?
I wonder and I pray. Pray for God to help me answer my questions. What I should be doing, where I should be heading, what I should be focused on. Trying to balance enjoying the wonders and blessing I see every day of my life and also looking ahead. I know my future is in God's hands- that is not my issue at all. But how much are we suppose to do in preparation for the future. I mean, does God just want us to simply not have a dream- is dreaming of what may come make us greedy for more? For instance, Matt's car. It's a great car. It works fine and does it's job. But I know in the future we are going to outgrow it, so do I pray now for the next car? Is us saving for the next car and thinking about what it might be taking away from the blessing the car we have now is? Here's another thought. We would like more children, but is praying for more a way of saying the two we have now is not enough? Is that we want more, that we dream of more in any way taking away from enjoying the blessings we have right now?
These are the thoughts that keep me up or fill my head as I vacuum or do the dishes. Sometimes I feel like looking into the future, what might be, what is to come allows me to assess the blessings of the here and now better. I think of having more children and I look at my girls- what joy they are to us, the wonder in their eyes, the love in their hearts- I couldn't feel more blessed. It's like my thoughts are a cycle of crazy. Does loving what I have now, make me want more? And I know that we are not promised tomorrow or the next moment for that matter, and God tells us to not worry about our future. Matthew 6:25-34 tells us not to worry plain as day, but what about dreaming what about planning for the future? So then I looked at 1 Chronicles 17 and I see how David was thinking of the future and how God spoke to him, directed him. I read Jeremiah 29:11 and I'm reminded of how God knows my future, he knows where I'm headed and he's got plans to prosper me- so he has dreams for me. So I will keep looking, staying focused on God and allow him to direct where my focus should be.
Here is my prayer...
So I pray Lord, please direct me in how you desire me to be. Lord, your blessing pour out on me daily and I praise you for all I have and all you've given me. I can't praise you enough for all that you provide in my life. But Lord I'm struggling right now. Help me to remain focused on you. Lord, direct my heart, mind, and soul on your will. Allow me to follow your will. As you taught us to pray "...your will be done on earth as it is in heaven..." May my heart be filled by your provisions. May I never take for granted all that you've put before me. Give me the wisdom to know where to focus my energy and the strength to live out your will for my life. I pray all of this in your son, Jesus' name. Amen.
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