The Lord replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." - Exodus 33:14
So if the sudden loss of a friend, the tragic loss of a friends husband (part 1) and the loss of another baby (part 2) wasn't enough- I still was not done with my season of "death." I still had another person I held near and dear to say goodbye to and watch leave this world to be with Jesus.
My Grandma Rose was my only living grandma. She is my step dad's mother. She was a generous, funny, 'tell it like it is' woman. Unfortunately for me, by the time my mom and stepdad met and married each other she was living in Arizona for the majority of the time and I didn't get to see her often. And by the time she finally did move back 'home' I was nine hours away. But every time I did get to see her I enjoyed her infectious laugh and her sweetness. One of my most cherished moments was her meeting Lauren for the first time- she just kept repeating over and over how beautiful she was.
Lauren and Grandma Rose meeting for the first time.
She said the same about all of Olivia's pictures too. I'm so very, very grateful that this summer when we visited back home, we were able to see Grandma Rose. And that she was able to meet Olivia too. She was having a good day that day and was able to talk to us while we were there. She was able to see Lauren and Olivia and we were able to visit with her. Not as spunky but still so special.
It was just three weeks later that she passed on and went up to heaven. It was a Sunday morning and we got the news before heading to church. I remember my exhausted body and spirit rallying as I made preparations to go back and celebrate her life with our family. Matt didn't have the days to take off, and we weren't quite sure yet when the funeral service would be held, so it was just going to be the girls and I. Since she had been sick for a while I had a plan in the makings- that I would drive to my sisters house (7.5+ hours away) in one day and then the next day drive back home (3 more hours). I had never driven that long as the soul driver before, let alone with two kids in the back. I was to tired and nervous to attempt the 10+ hour drive by myself to go back home in one day.
I had left Monday morning to head back up because I was sure the funeral would be mid week. Well it was Saturday so we were gone longer than I had anticipated (thank goodness I'm a habitual over packer so I didn't have to worry about landry- you have to pay for it at my moms apartment) but I'm soooooooo glad we went and that I was able to be there. It meant to world to me to be around my family again and be there to support them as well as feel the support myself. It was a week full of God and His never ending, always growing love!
I saw God so many, many ways that week. First, a great friend at church loaned us a duel dvd player for the ride. So I just had movies playing periodically throughout the trip to occupy the girls. They were both exhausted coming off a week at LebCamp so they took good naps and we were able to coordinate all the potty breaks/diaper changes with rest stops and lunch stops along the way. I did have the little potty in the back in case of emergency and Lauren actually did cry because we never got to use it (bless her little soul). We made good time and had a very uneventful (aka easy) trip. I felt so blessed and accomplished when I arrived at her house with car, kids, and myself all still in good working order!
I continually saw God in the endless patience the girls and I had in my parents 2 bedroom apartment with four adults and three kids (ages 3 and under) for four full days. It was a blessing to stay with my mom and stepdad since we got to distract them and be there as a family to mourn the loss of Grandma Rose- so I'm glad we did it. But any other time I would pass on that fun experience.
I continually saw God in my ability to wake up each morning. I was tired, just so tired- physically, mentally, emotionally. Thankfully I was spiritually full from such a great week at camp that I just kept plugging along. Handling both girls without the help of my wonderful husband was hard. Not only did I miss the help he would have been with the girls, but the comfort that he is to me. I also missed him dearly, since the week prior was camp week I was out of the house with the girls by 6:45 am and then I would come home after 9 each night and walk like a zombie to bed with a little hug and kiss for him before I passed out in 2.5 seconds flat. So I just missed him all around. Now I know you're going to roll your eyes but I don't have a fancy cell phone, I have a prepaid flip phone that suits me just right for 98% of situations. However, both my sister and my mom don't have a house phone since they do have fancy smart phones so it was hard to call him up and chat for a bit and check in. I didn't want to use up a bunch a minutes that cost money (mind you Matt's cheap like me too so he feels the same way) when in most other houses we would have had a home phone to call out on. So I didn't even get to talk to him most nights. But the times I did get to talk to him meant the world and reenergized me for a bit.
I continually saw God in the generosity of others around me. Just too many stories to tell but I saw His love in so many people that week- we were truly blessed!
The Saturday service was beautiful. Shauna and I were able to take part in the service and read a prayer. And I just enjoyed all the stories and the smiles that came to peoples faces as they remembered her. One of my favorite parts of that day was when we realized it was the first time, ever since my step brother Matt came into our lives a few years back, that all of the cousins (my Grandma Roses grandchildren) were all together in the same place. She was the one who brought us all together. None of the many weddings had ever done that. I bet that brought a smile to her face as she watched from above. So we were able to get a picture- the first ever of all of us.
Here we are, all nine of Grandma Rose's grandchildren.
I can't tell you in words how exhausted I was and how it took me a few weeks to feel settled, rested, and back to 'normal.' It did happen to take longer than expected since Matt decided to wrestle with some poison ivy while we were gone and he had such a delay/bad reaction, oh it was gross. I felt awful for the man. He ended up going on oral steroids, a topical steroid, and antibiotics in order to heal. It took over two weeks and was just another exhausting episode in this very, hum how should I put this, adventurous summer. But he's better now. We're home now. Things are calming down and as the days grow a little cooler and the sun goes down a little earlier each night we look ahead. Looking towards the next adventure and the next journey that is going to help grow us and bring us closer to our maker and creator. May our eyes always be focused on Him and may we remember that He "works for the good of those who love him."
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
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