Running and Praying

Two topics I have had on my heart to write about so here I go...

First praying. As a young mom I have been feeling like my "Jesus Well" is running a bit dry these days. It's hard to fit everything in everyday. There are some days I seem to have more time and others I feel like each moment is filled with something or another. I wish I could say that each day is filled with a devotional that helps to fill up my soul. I'm thinking that my 'old' way of doing things is not working for my 'new' way of life. When it was just Lauren I could rely on a few moments of guaranteed down time each day, and now I can't. Lauren still naps well and so does Olivia, but some days it just doesn't always work out. Like today. Right now everyone is down for a nap (including Brooke who is here today) but in just a few minutes I'll be getting Olivia up to nurse and then before I know it I'll be doing the dinner thing, and everyone will be up. So God has lead me to this wonderful website/ministry Proverbs 31 Ministries. Their website is even linked to Facebook, so I'm able to catch new articles and such on there as well. I'm hoping these short devotionals will bring me back to where I need to be each day, grounded in God's word. I also read a wonderful blog that reminded me that God is with us and waiting to talk to us at any moment we have to give to him. Even if that moment is while I'm folding laundry or in the shower. My devotional doesn't have to be sitting down with my book and highlighter. It can be me writing on here, reflecting on God in my life. I'm so grateful for a God who's available 24/7, 365! Amen!!

Today's article on the Proverbs 31 website  reminded me of my crazy episode last week. I was feeling very overwhelmed and very alone. We're working on learning the "Love Languages"  with the youth on Thursday nights. Well I learned my top love language is 'Quality Time.' I realized that my QT with Matt these days seems to be out the window. Hense, causing me to feel very alone. I was so frustrated one day that I just blow a gasket. I called my sister and just vented and if that wasn't enough I called Matt at work at vented to him (what a wonderful husband he is to take a moment to calm his crazy wife). I know part of it is having such high expectations for myself each day and the other part of it was missing my hubby. He's my other half, and when I don't feel connected to him I'm just off. There were too many nights of me not being home or when I was home everything was just chaotic; You other young moms know what I mean.  We need a date night, but life has been busy and babysitters are expensive. So we've worked it out. Matt has been working his hardest to get Lauren in bed by 8:30 so we have a solid hour each night that is just us before we wake Olivia to nurse one more time and then off to bed. The article used a wonderful verse that really spoke to my heart and how I've been feeling. Philippians 1:27a reminds me that I'm working for God so my actions, words, tone of voice, and attitude need to reflect that. Even when things are crazy- put it all into perspective. I mean, honestly I want crazy. I want two little kids, one on my hip the other on my leg. These girls are my world! With that said, it can be a very tiring job sometimes and when I get that way I need to remember God's gifts and promises and put it all back into perspective. 

"Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." Philippians 1:27a

Now, onto running- which oddly enough links right up to what I've been already talking about. I've been trying to do good with working out and running. I've only missed one Zumba class (the evening of the blown gasket I just stayed home and napped off my stress) in the past two months. I've really enjoyed the hour of fun and dance and my clothes are fitting much nicer these days. This past birthday I was blessed to get an awesome running watch (everyone pooled together in order for me to get it- how awesome is my family). In case you're wondering it is Garmin Forerunner 110. It has really helped me with running. I'm a very goal orientated person so it's really great to watch the miles fly by as I run. Okay...slowly go by...more of a jog than a run. Either way it also allows me to upload my run and keep track of how I'm doing. Which is inspiring too. 

I know I've written in the past about how I often use my jogging time to 'talk' with God and just recently I read about how God created our bodies as temples and we're to care for it as such. And how exercise is a way to glorify God because we're caring for the body He blessed us with- the one he "knit together in our mother's womb." I'm trying to remind myself that as I'm working out I'm worshiping God. Making sure I give back the glory to Him and how He's working through my exercise.

It's easier said then done. Who doesn't want to take credit for things we've done, and I'm not just talking exercise here. But that's not how it works. I'm blessed to have two working legs and a strong heart. These are things God gave me and my healthy body is a blessing from Him who created me. So when I am sluggish to get my butt off the couch or out the door I remind myself that this is a blessing to God, me caring for my body. It's also two fold- caring for myself allows me to be a better me for my husband and children. An hour of sweating off the days stress helps keep me whole for them, so I can serve them in the way that shows them Jesus' love through my actions, words, tone of voice, and attitude. 

I pray daily that all I do and say gives the glory back to the God that made me. I pray that each workout allows me to do this as well.

"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being." Revelation 4:11

Baptisms Part 2

I'm sad to say that I went to post Olivia's baptism pictures and thought I'd look and see what I did/said about Lauren's baptism only to realize I never posted about her special day. Back then I was working full time, every moment of time I had at home I was soaking up Lauren's cuteness and sleeping when possible. There is a big gap in my blog posts from back then. When I see things like that I just stop and say a prayer of thanksgiving that I'm able to be home now. In fact, when Olivia reached 11 weeks, I reminded Matt that this was when I headed back to work with Lauren and I just told him how much I love him for working so hard for our family so I can be home. I never want to take for granted how lucky I am to do this and what a wonderful feeling it is to know that I don't have to miss out on four months of Olivia, like I did Lauren (just so you know Lauren did just fine, but that it was me that struggled during those months I was working). So I decided to do a two part post sharing what it meant to me as we baptized both girls.

So,back to Baptisms. In my Part 1 post, I just had pictures and the lovely song that was played at both girls baptisms. I had never heard the song before my wonderful mother-in-law gave me the sheet music when Lauren was ity-bity. The hymnal "Borning Cry" was a perfect fit for the service. I cried both times when the song was being played. We were very blessed to have a wonderful friend play the harp and sing the song for us with her beautiful voice. Kristen was such a blessing to us. I wonder if Matt can make a short video of just her playing the song.

It was important for me to have both girls baptized as soon as possible. I wanted to do it for many reasons. First, I wanted to praise God for the blessings he gave us. I know any baby being born whole and healthy is miraculous but there isn't a part of me that doesn't believe "The Spirit of God has made [them]; the breath of the Almighty give [them] life" Job 33:4 God made my babies special for Matt and I. They are gifts of God. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the day ordained for me were written  in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16 He knows them better and more intimately than I could ever imagine. I wanted to give them back to our Creator, our Heavenly Father. Because to Him all the praise is due.

Secondly, I wanted to establish their faith from birth. I want them to know Jesus and all he has done for us. I want their mustard seed of faith to be planted early in life. God tells us "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6 I hope that Jesus' love takes root early so they can always know His love and grace. That this love and grace be a guide as to how they should live their lives, in a way that gives glory to God. I want them to have the courage God gave them to live their lives and fulfill their purpose. "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:18 And if they know God is within them, their dreams can be fulfilled. Whatever dreams they may be.

Thirdly, I wholly believe that children are not just raised by their parents either, because it sure does take a village! In the United Methodist faith when a baby is baptized part of the tradition is to ask the fellow members of the congregation to help them grow in their faith. I can't tell you how many wonderful people prayed for my girls, from before they were even conceived. I wanted their baptisms to be a praise to God in showing these wonderful people an answer to prayer and what God's love can do. My girls are so spoiled with love from our church family and I feel blessed and loved by them in so many ways.

Lastly, even though we live far from family, we were able to share this special moment with them. My mom and step-dad were able to make it down for Lauren's baptism and then Matt's parents made it down for Olivia's. My mom is such a huge part of my faith walk, since it was with her guidance that I came to the Lord back in my high school years. I know that Matt has shared with me that his mom was a large part of his faith walk as well. It meant so much to me that both mom's could be there to witness their grand babies be given back to God. It pains me to know that because our journey has taken us so far from home that they miss a lot. It's good to look back and know that our family was able to be there to share such a wonderful moment, the moment when God's Holy Spirit was given to them. The Spirit that will guide them through the ups and downs of life. The Spirit that will never leave them. "Jesus said, 'My Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life..." John 6:40

May our girls forever be looking up and giving their hearts back to the one who created them!


"Give thanks to the God of heaven.
                    His love endures forever." Psalm 136:26

Sisterly Love...I Think...

I'm not sure what my expectations were when we brought Olivia home in concerns with Lauren's reactions. I thought she'd be interested in what this new 'thing' was, but other than that I really didn't have too many expectations. I knew it wasn't going to be 'story book' love and I figured Lauren might act out a little due to the 'lime light' being shared and all. But pretty much Lauren went about her day like Olivia wasn't really a bother or a point of interest. Occasionally she would fuss and mumble about not wanting Olivia near her or Olivia "playing" this or that. She's only held her once or twice for about a millisecond and then ran as fast as she could in the opposite direction after I've released her of this awful task. On the flip side, she always seems to be interested in her at diaper changing time- getting wipes or diapers to help Matt or I out. But to be honest I think she was more interested in checking out how much poop was in the diaper rather than checking on Olivia, ha she cracks me up. I've asked her to help bounce Olivia in the bouncer seat or rock her in her car seat (both my girls hate/hated to be placed in that carrier, but as soon as it's in motion, whether it be from rocking or being walked out the door the fussiness stops) and she will often comply with my request to help me out. A few times she's even done it on her own. But still, three months into this gig she's not goo-goo, ga-ga about her little sister.

To be honest part of me was a little sad that she wasn't more interested or excited. Especially when other children her age, like Caitlyn, show a lot more interest in her. I wonder, "Am I doing something wrong?" I know that I love having a sister and I want Lauren and Olivia to enjoy it too. Even growing up I felt lucky to have a sibling to play with and share that special sibling bond with (even if part of me always wished she was a boy and not a girl, sorry Shauna- but if it makes up for it I'm soooo glad I have a sister now). Even though Shauna and I could fight like cats and dogs I knew she was my sister and nothing would ever change that.

So as time has pasted I have had it on my heart- is there anything I can do? Well God just always knows what we need and when we need it, and for this I'm so grateful. I was catching up on some blogs in my down time this weekend and I was reading one, just a small paragraph that made a huge impact on my thinking. The writer spoke about how you really can't force things when it comes to children. I agree whole heartily with this opinion and would probably say the same to a friend if I were giving advise, but I never thought about it in this context. So I've decided, no I can't do anything other than foster a loving environment which will naturally allow them to form their special connection/bond when they're ready.

To one up me, God sent me another moment to ease my heart. We were in the bathtub tonight and I got a glimpse of what is to come as these two girls continue to grow and form a bond together. Olivia was done getting washed, just hanging out in the tub for a bit and she started to slowly slide off her bath seat (which mind you is really annoying but the seat was a free hand-me-down so who am I to complain) as she kicked her legs about. Eventually her foot came into contact with Lauren and I watched and waited for Lauren's reaction. It took a good 30 seconds before Lauren said "I don't want my sister next to me." I know I'm going to confuse you when I say how happy that statement made me. It was the first time Lauren had referred to Olivia as her sister. How neat to witness that. Then Lauren decided to interact with Olivia. She took a cup and put it on her foot like a peg-leg. I was so happy and praising her up and down for how silly she was being with her sister. Matt enjoyed witnessing the interaction. While it was a brief moment, to me it was the beginning of a lot of silliness I feel we're going to see between these two girls! It was God saying, don't worry Jennifer, I got this.

I pray that as Olivia and Lauren get older they'll begin to enjoy each other more and more. I pray and hope I look back on this post two or three years from now and laugh because I can't separate the two. They are so lucky to have one an other. Both such huge blessing from our loving Lord. We're such lucky parents to be able to watch their journey unfold!

"Lord, you are my God;

I will exalt you and praise your name,

for in perfect faithfulness 

you have done wonderful things,

things planned long ago."

Isaiah 25:1

The here and now...

I've been working on the "Baptisms Part 2" post (mostly in my head), but I'm not quite done and today I just needed to write what's been on my mind. And let me tell you it's been a LOT!

First I decided that this Type A personality I have can sure be a drain on my day. I try really, really hard to keep life under control as best I can- but then there are days like yesterday and today when I just can't do it 'cause this girl is too tired, too overwhelmed, and there is just not enough of me to go around. So here I go...

I think I'm going nuts because:

*I'm not sure if I've written all the thank you notes I need to write. In fact, I emailed a lady from church, at the risk of looking as insane as I felt, to see if I had or not. Definitely a low point for me. 

*If my sweet daughter flips out one more time about putting on her clothes I think I might throw myself on the ground and kick my legs and scream with her! We are in the phase of "I don't want to _______________" You name it she doesn't want to do it. Last night she throw a royal fit with Matt over the pajama's she had on and ended up in bed with no pajama bottoms on (I guess that was the compromise). Then today she wants to put her pajamas on smack dab in the middle of the day. My compromise, if you want to wear them that bad, go ahead and put them on over your clothes. So for the next five minutes, while I nursed, I got to enjoy the whining that came from her not being able to get them on...bless this mother's heart...I don't know how my head did not explode off my body I was so frustrated with her. She is now napping in both her clothes and her pajamas (I guess that was the compromise).

You can't tell to well, but she has
her pajamas over top her clothes.
She's one crazy little girl!

*If I could just sleep a little longer...that's all I need right?!?!

*I can't give up the fight that there needs to be more hours in a day. But not just any hours...just more hours where I can sit and use the bathroom without someone needing me to do something else. Or hours where I can relax and take a breath. Hours of me laying around eating 'BonBons' and having umbrella drinks brought to my side. I know, I know I should just give that one up.

*I walked around the other day with spit up on my butt and had no idea until I took off my shorts at 9:30 pm. Thank God he gave me a sense of humor and I laughed- but really these are the day of my life right now.

*There is ALWAYS something to do or something to be done and if I slack one day...whatever it is sits and waits for me the following day. Here's an example everyone can relate to: LAUNDRY!!! And I LOVE doing laundry but some days I think it might over take the house- dirty baskets over flowing and clean ones pilled higher than the sky...bless my heart it never ends. And don't even get me on the topic of DUSTING- you might not make it out of that one alive...

*It's that time of year...where you have to tend to the outside of the house as well as the inside. Am I the only mom who has a love\hate relationship with this time of year. I love being outside and enjoy the weather, but if there wasn't already enough to do in one day before you add the mowing, weeding, mulching, and so much more- oh so much more.

*Mommy guilt. Two words I didn't fully understand until having two kids. I've been having a really bad case of it these days. Guilt that makes me think I'm nuts. I feel guilty for taking time to do house hold stuff instead of playing with the girls OR guilt for not getting housework done while playing with the kids. It's a vicious cycle I can't seem to get out of. Guilt for putting on a movie so I can accomplish a task without interruption- hum let me rephrase that- without as much interruption. Guilt for spending more time with one than the other. Guilt for this or that...

*I love this job. As much as each of these bullet point is true, I wouldn't trade in this 'job' for any other and I'm pretty sure that makes me certifiably nuts!

"Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul; if you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off." Proverbs 24:14

Baptisms Part 1

"I was there to hear your borning cry,

I'll be there when you are old.

I rejoiced the day you were baptized,

to see your life unfold.

I was there when  you were but a child,

with a faith to suit you well; 

In a blaze of 

you wandered off 

to find where demons dwell."

"When you heard the wander of the word 

I was there to cheer you on;

You were raised to praise the living Lord,

to whom you now belong.

If you find someone to share your time

and you join your hearts as one,

I'll be there to make your verses rhyme

from dusk 'till rising sun."

"In the middle ages of your life,

not too old, no longer young

I'll be there to guide you through the night,

complete what I've begun.

When evening gently closes in,

and you shut your weary eyes,

I'll be there as I have always been

with just one more surprise."

"I was there to hear your borning cry,

I'll be there when you are old.

I rejoiced the day you were baptized,

to see your life unfold."

Borning Cry

Mommy, Daddy, and Lauren Shea

Grammy and Papa P 

Mommy, Daddy, and Olivia Jean

Daddy, Lauren Shea, Mommy, and Olivia Jean

Grandma and Grandpa B

A Godly Smile

But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
    let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
    that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

Psalm 5:11

Easter Album and Memories

We had a very blessed Easter weekend. Here are some pictures and a small reflection on a big day.

Dyeing Easter eggs Saturday evening

It was great having Lauren get to dye the eggs this year.
She loved it and so did we!

Of course we got a Hello Kitty dye kit- this made it even more fun.

Olivia's first Easter!

The Easter Bunny hid Lauren's basket under the desk and she thought this was so funny. She even helped Olivia (who was back sleeping at this point) and found her basket behind the curtain- mommy and daddy helped Olivia eat all her yummy treats from the bunny, Lauren needed no help with this!

 She started eating her yummy treats right away!

Sister Love after a wonderful church service

Sweet Smiles from Olivia

Pretty Dresses!

After church she dove right back into the treats. We have a very cute video of her running in circles from her sugar high. I think it took a few days to come back down to normal blood sugar levels. Am I the only mom who is happy beyond measure that it's a good solid six months before the next sugar coated holiday?!?

Not so happy bunny. (Poor girl was ready for nap and in need of a diaper change)

As this Easter came to a close I was reminded of the eternal sacrifices God's son made for us. He died for us on the cross and showed his Holiness as he rose again two days later. Last year this holiday was marked by another loss, as we found out that another one of our precious children ascended into heaven with Jesus. As I remember the hurt and sadness from that loss, I think of how I took comfort in my baby being in a wonderful place, in heaven with Jesus. I take comfort in what Jesus did for me and those I love, and I pray daily that I live my life in a way that honors him and his sacrifice. I pray I share his great love through my daily actions. May we never forget the true meaning of this holiday.

So I hope that as you enjoyed your fuzzy bunnies, colorful eggs, scrumptious milk chocolate, fruity jelly beans, and precious family moments that you took a moment to give thanks for it all and for God's ultimate sacrifice. We're such lucky people to have a loving God who hops right into our hearts forever.

"The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17