Snuggles and Cuddles

I've been getting sad these days as I watch my baby grow into a toddler, as I nurse less and less, and as she flourishes more and more without my aid. Sad for what has past and yet happy for what is yet to come.

There is so much to be thankful for. I find myself in prayer more and more as I just give thanks back to our Loving Lord for our little girl!

As Lauren approaches 1 year we are slowly but surely weening her from nursing and introducing whole milk into her meal time. I'm sad to watch this time come to an end, but in some ways I'm glad to call my body my own. It's been her home, source of comfort, and her means of nourishment for the past 21 months- and I know you might roll your eyes at me as I say that I think she's a bit sad to loose it too. Well you're wondering how I know this, and to be quite honest I might be reaching here, but these are my feelings/findings so let it be.

Once Lauren became mobile she has been less and less of a snuggle bug. This made me heartbroken because I'm having to let her go more and more as she pushed with both arms to get down and be 'free'. But I've always relied on my nursing time to get my snuggles in. Well now that time has been less and less. Lately though she has awoken from some naps in distress (I know this by the cry). I go up to see what's going on and I pick her up to comfort her and whisper that "mommy's here, it's okay" and then we snuggle in the glider. Some times, when I'm lucky, she lays in my arms for a minute and tosses and turns her head only to fall asleep. All she wanted was mommy and it's in this moment my heart is beaming with delight. It is such a special time for me. It has been a long time since she has slept in my arms and I never want it to end because in the back of my head I wonder if this will be the last time she does this. Is this just one more thing I have to give up for her to grow up.

I'm so proud of my big girl and all the things she can do, and I can't believe how much she's grown. So thanks be to God for the wonderful gift be bestowed upon Matt and I. We pray daily that we do Him justice in raising her!

Lauren Shea, 1 Year

"My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant..." Luke 1:46-48

Ripping off a Band-Aid

Tonight I was faced with how I deal with change. How I deal with good-byes. And I'm realizing that after a life time of change and good-byes (or what can sometimes feel like a life time) that I like to "Rip the Band-Aid" right off.

I've gone through a lot of transition over the years. In my adult life I can think of a handful of changes, which includes, but is not limited to: going to college, transferring colleges, breaking up with long term boyfriends, moving from one parents house to the other and back again, moving four states away from home, getting a job, getting married, changing jobs, moving into my first house, changing a job location, losing two pregnancies, changing job locations again, having a baby, leaving my job...just to name a few. And tonight, I just added another.

Tonight I went to a meeting that discussed my youth pastor's transition to leave our church. I have been working with him and the youth at my church for the past two years and have grown so much in my faith because of this ministry. So, the thought of him leaving is yet another transition I will have deal with.

So...what have I learned from all the transition listed above? Well- that good-bye is only as hard as you make it. That we can't truly rely on this world and what it has in it. We can trust what God has blessed us with in that moment- so that is where we need to live- relatively speaking.

Sometimes I feel like I've become hardened and other times I think I've become wise- lol. I find that when I go home for a visit, if I'm just focused on the fact that I'm going to have to leave then I just get sad. I don't want to be sad when I'm home, I want to enjoy the time I have with my family to the fullest. I want to know that the moments I have with them are making memories that I will enjoy reminiscing about. When it's time to go, that's when I cry. In the moment when I have to leave and the band-aid is being ripped of, that's when I cry. Otherwise- I would have memories filled with tears instead of smiles. I would have memories filled with sadness instead of joy.

So tonight I'm going to focus on the special times to come, before Jason leaves. I'm going to remind myself to live in each moment, which God has blessed me with. I'm going to make memories that I will look back on and smile. I'm going to keep in prayer for what God has planned for me. I'm going to be thankful that He placed Jason in my life when he did, because if there is one thing I know for sure- is that Jason is one of God's angels and I'm lucky enough to have any time with him, even if it feels like it wasn't enough.

PS. The Bible/God back up my "wise" thoughts, read on...

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

"As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower in the field." Psalm 103:15

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Nap Time Tears

I had a thought today as I put Lauren down for nap. My thought was that we are such babies!

Each day I put Lauren down roughly at the same time for nap. Most days she is sooooo ready for sleep and down time, and yet most days she cries and carries on in her crib for a bit and then finally gives in to "sleep, sleep."

Don't we do that with God. As much as we might NEED something don't we often whine and fuss about it?

I'm not perfect, but I often know what's best for Lauren. I'm not putting her down for nap just because, she needs it.

What in my life do I need, that God is trying to give me and I'm fussing and carrying on over???

Anyway, these are my thoughts.

Car Seat, Smar Seat

Car seats. They are a lot of things: important, necessary, expensive, confusing, and the topic of conversation in our household these days. As sad and scary as it is to say, Lauren is approaching the one year mark (I winced as I typed that). One of the milestones that comes with this achievement is the green light to allow a child to be forward facing in the car. Subsequently she will be able to leave the warm snuggles of her infant car seat and move on to her big girl car seat.

When we were registering for gifts it was very easy to pick out the first car seat. They are often called baby carriers but are more technically known as infant car carriers. It was easy because it was obvious. This next phase of child safety seats, not so much.

From the research I've done there are two options we can use for this next stage, a convertible car seat or a convertible booster seat. The convertible car seat can be used instead of an infant car carrier but lacked the convenience of allowing the baby to stay in the seat outside of the car. Which, I assume, is why most people by the carriers. Baby is asleep- no mind- just take the seat out and leave baby sleeping!

Now, the convertible car seat sports a five point harness to be used at all times. Where a convertible booster the five point harness to begin with but it can be removed and the seat can still be used with the car's seat belt. Also convertible car seats can be used in the rear facing and forward facing positions, while a convertible booster can only be forward facing. With a convertible, you will subsequently need to purchase a separate booster seat once your child has sized out of the car seat (taking into account the height and weight). The plain booster seats are a lot cheaper.

So the dilemma, do you purchase a convertible car seat or a convertible booster seat? Part of me thinks that the convertible booster would win out. Lauren doesn't need to be rear facing and this seat would last longer (we wouldn't need to buy any more). But there are not many of these available on the market and they don't seem as protective on the sides. Plus, even though she's a year, the recommendation are they be rear facing for two years (not that I want her to be, but the convertible would be able to do this).

So the conclusion...we are going to purchase a convertible seat for my car. Which Lauren rides in 95% of the time. We feel this one is the safer route since she is still so small and it offers more protection on the side. Plus, in my car Lauren rides right behind the driver and will need more side protection in case of an accident. Then we are going to get a convertible booster for Matt's car. She can be forward facing in the middle seat, which still offers great protection. She isn't in his car often so this car seat will be a better move financially too. This way won't have to purchase two more car seats in the future- just one booster seat for my car once she out grows the convertible car seat.

So in Lauren's life time we will be able to only purchase four car seats- why better than the six I had originally envisioned. Baby number two will be cheaper still, since we'll be able to reuse the infant car seat we bought for Lauren! Goodness- this was my research and findings. And of course many, many discussions with Matt about it. Now onto baby proofing... :-)

In a nut shell...

Today I felt the blessings of God in my new roll as stay-at-home mommy and baby-sitter. This blessing was exemplified after a visit to my old stomping grounds. This Wednesday I had Noah, which isn't usually a day I watch him, and all three of us took an adventure up to the two schools I use to teach at. It was so nice to see everyone and to show off Lauren and Noah. Noah's mommy (Amy) is a librarian at one of the schools- so I got to show him off at the first school, and then Amy got to show him off when we got to her school. This is something a proud mama enjoys doing. But beyond the smiles that everyone greeted us with, I could see stressed and tired faces.

It really brought me back to last year and how over whelming it was being a pregnant/new mommy and trying to tackle the challenges of being a teacher as well. The students were great and it usually wasn't them causing my stress- it was everything else. There was always too much to do and never enough time to do it all. The upper administration was so disconnected from the classroom and they always seemed to compound an already hard task. The paper work and the late nights were tough too. I could just empathize with them and thank God for the grace he has extended to me by allowing me the opportunity to stay home.

That leads me to today. I was in a G-funk mood today. Not sure how I came up with that terminology but that is what Matt and I call a day that you just aren't yourself. Your not mad, tired, cranky, or upset- just blah. You usually can't put your finger on why you feel "out of sorts" and it's hard mood to shake. So anyway, that's how I was feeling today.

And now for the blessings (man can I ramble)- I was so thankful today that I got to just be home during this mood. I had Lauren and Noah here but they were okay with me being a little more quite and out of it. I was so thankful that I could just embrace that today wasn't going down as my best day ever. I just got to do what I needed to help my mental state- be quiet and chill. After lunch I cleaned up and put the kids into the jogger stroller and off we went on a three mile walk. We all embraced the fresh fall air and sunshine. I just enjoyed the babies the rest of the day and tried to do little things around the house to feel productive, yet didn't feel really pressured to do much at all. In fact, when I think back to life when I worked out of the house and now, stressed is a word I rarely use to describe my 'new' life. I would say "busy" this the adjective I use most frequently. This is a word I'm okay with though. This is just my day/mood and all of its blessings in a nut shell.

A picture of Noah and Lauren when we went for a run on Monday. My running/walking buddies!

"I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit." John 15:5

Our Cup Runneth Over

A lot of blessing have come our way in these past few weeks. I feel like the Lord is knocking at my door and I'm trying to look and listen at each turn.

The first of a few blessings happened when we went pumpkin picking. Each year, except one, since we've been here we go to a local farm and get hot cider, fried cakes, ride the hay ride, and pick our pumpkins from their pumpkin patch. It is number two on my top ten favorite days of the year. I look forward to it each year and Matt rolls his eyes and smiles each year. Although, this year I think with Lauren here he was just as excited and into it as I was.

Lauren is "Mommy's Little Pumpkin"

Anyway, when we got there I ran into one of the ladies I worked with a few years back. She is the reading specialist at one of the schools I taught at. She took my kiddies each year and she is a barrel of fun. Always smiling and just bobblely. She has a little girl, who I think is in 4th grade now. She noticed the headband in Lauren's hair. I HAD to put something in Lauren's hair because she was in a black, grey, and orange outfit and without the headband she looked like a little boy (see above picture). We got to chatting and she said that she still has all of Lillian's old hair bows and she would love to pass them along to me. I was just telling Matt that I wished I had some hair bows for Lauren, since her hair is growing in and it looks like a boy hair cut right now. And then God blessed us with tons of hair bows! The gallon sized bag was three quarters full!

Blessings number two came from multiple people. Three people have blessed us with clothes lately. My good friend Garrett has once again given me a bunch of loaner clothes and a Halloween costume. Enough pants and shirts to get us through the winter. She also gave us a few fall time coats (see pink coat in the picture below) and a winter hat. The cute Halloween outfit you see in the pictures is from her too.

Two friends from church have also blessed us. Sandy, she has two girls- one in 1st grade and one in preschool, she gave us a Halloween costume, two coats, and a hat with matching mittens (the coats and mittens are a little bit too big for right now, but will fit in a year or two). Than Jenny, (she also has two girls) she gave me three paper bags full of clothes for the spring. This is the third time she has blessed us with hand-me-downs. There we some wonderful clothes in there. Same as the last three times.

Blessing number three came from my mother-in-law. She often gets things for Lauren at garage sales. I had asked her to look for a winter coat for Lauren and that I would be super excited if she could found some snow pants. I know that there isn't much snow around here as compared to back home, but when it does snow I want to take Lauren out and play in it. I loved playing in the snow as a child so I want to be able to share that with her. She didn't have much luck at the garage sales for the coat so she found one on e-bay and it is awesome!!! I didn't expect one nearly as nice as the one she got- it's a warm, but not too thick and bulky, Columbia coat and matching snow pants. I was so grateful. I'm really not interested in winter weather getting here any sooner than it has to, but I sure am ready to put her in this cute coat!

Just wanted to be sure to jot down God's blessings, so I can look back and remember!

"Every happening, great and small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us, and the art of life is to get the message." ~Malcolm Muggeridge

The Vampire Bite- Yikes!

This week has been interesting to say the least. Again, I can't express how different what I envisioned staying home would be and how it actually is.

Poor Lauren is struggling with these teeth. It's been a rough week. It amazes me how different she is once I've given her some Advil. Modern medicine is heaven sent! For example: yesterday she was extra whiny and just irritable. I decided not to give her Advil since she wasn't too bad- well until it was time to make dinner. Oh my- this girl was on my legs like a fly on honey. So today, right after breakfast she got some meds. Today was much better. She wasn't as clingy and whiny. Life was much better for her and subsequently for me too.

Today we had a run in the our vampire cat. Silly Annabelle gave me a heart attack! It was just about time for Lauren to go down for her afternoon nap. We had been to the store and to visit daddy at work. After we got home, I was once again organizing Lauren's clothes and making sure that I have everything out that she will fit into and things that no longer fit or are summery put away. I had changed Lauren's diaper and was using the facilities myself when I heard Lauren start crying. She had taken off chasing Annabelle into our bedroom and then the next thing I heard was Lauren crying out in pain. I ran in to see Annabelle standing next to Lauren, who was in complete meltdown mood. I looked at Lauren trying to find out why she was crying and sure enough Annabelle had laid right into her. It looked like a vampire had sunk its teeth into her. Once I had picked up Lauren she stopped crying and I started to panic. I remember pacing back and forth a few times well I figured out what to do. Looking back I'm thinking - way to react Jennifer! So anyway, I called Matt and he said I needed to not panic and call the doctors. So I did that and we went in.

It's funny since Lauren is my first child and all the 'firsts' are happening with her, I hope she forgives me for being such a fuss bucket. The nurse and the nurse practitioner were so laid back about it all. Like the had seen it a billion times, which is probably true. The NP even said "This won't be the last time the cat bites her- just make sure you clean it out real good when it happens." Oops, I didn't even think to do that in my panic.

Anyway she is fine and she's on antibiotic. I'm bracing myself, since this will be her first time on any medication besides Advil and Tylenol. I got the probiotics from the pharmacy and have stocked up on Yo-Baby Yogurt. Hoping this helps ward off the down side to this wonderful, helpful medication.

I guess we're really in the Halloween spirit around her since Annabelle decided to dress up early. (Okay, I'm well aware that I'm a cheese ball at heart).

"Pray, and let God worry." ~Martin Luther