Last night the rain came and it hit out of no where. By rain I mean tears and by out of no where I literally mean out of no where. I haven't cried much after the miscarriage. I cried tears of anger that day, but I hadn't cried tears of sorrow and mourning until last night. This scared me a little. I felt sad, I felt pain, I felt brokenhearted, so why no tears? I've always been a crier, why not now?
Matt and I had just put Lauren down, he went outside to pick up the outdoor toys and patio stuff for the night. I went to waste time on Facebook. While I was on there I noticed that a girl that I was pregnant with had just had her second baby girl at the beginning of April. I was looking at a few of the pictures and that was all it took for me to realize that I was pregnant and I'm not anymore. That I don't get to enjoy the baby my body was just carrying. That I'm going to have to wait a little longer for the baby I long for.
I quickly got off the computer and cried while I waited for Matt to come back in. He just hugged me while I calmed myself down. He asked what was wrong but by that time I was too upset to make any sense. After a good LONG hug, I was calm. I needed something to distract me from what I was feeling and thinking, so we watched an episode of Office and we had some Reese's Pieces and I was feeling better.
I knew it would come but I was surprised it was so random. I'm just glad Matt was home and his sweet embrace would help calm my anxious heart. I know God has more kids for us, I just know it in my heart and soul. I will keep praying and keep trusting in our loving Lord."Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed at that moment." Matthew 9:22
No comments:
Post a Comment