So at my last checkup (37 weeks along, last week) I went in thinking things were happening. I had been having on and off contractions for a few weeks. My body felt like it was moving in the directions of potential labor and that morning I woke up unrested after a horrible night's sleep. I had been woken to a few pretty strong contractions in the middle of the night, one that caught my breath, and I was thinking okay 37 weeks is my limit. Both of my older girls were born just after 37 weeks so this would make logical sense right? Wrong!
The morning appointment had us dropping the girls at Esther's house and heading to the doctors to get checked. Well at 6:15 that morning I got a text saying Evan, her youngest, had awoke with a fever and had gotten sick in the night. So right away I had to switch up plans because after my night of restless sleep and contractions I didn't want to bring the girls with us for fear that they might want to keep me- and as fun as it sounds to have a 4 year old and a 2 year old in the room with me while laboring, I think I'll pass on putting that one in the memory books. So I called in a friend and thank goodness she was able to help us out. So problem solved! Not too bad right? Wrong!
I'm still in bed at this point and trying to get the energy to enter the shower as Matt starts putting on his socks. That's when it happened- he wrenched his back and cried out in pain. Really? Yes, really! Then I started to panic a little, okay a lot, as he hobbled about in noticeable pain. As I got ready all I could think about was how on earth he was going to be any help to me if I was indeed in labor?!? So when I was doing putting myself together for the day I called Garrett and woke her up to ask her, the only person in this state whom I would even trust to be in this position with me, if she would be able to pinch hit for Matt if today was the day. She said she would be able to and that made me feel better, I think.
Honestly, nothing was going to make me feel better, things just seemed to out of control. After packing last minute things in the hospital bag and the girls "go" bag we were out the door. We drove separately since Matt usually heads right to work (five minutes from the hospital/doctors office) after these appointments. Every song that came on the radio made me cry- it was our local Christian station. Things were just too much. I mean I was ready for her to come but I was not ready for everything to be so up in the air and out of sorts.
We got there and that is when the nausea and hot flashes kicked in. And when I say hot flash I mean like burning hotter than the sun flash. We get into the room relatively fast and the doctor comes in. I told her I've been contracting all night and morning. Her first question "How far apart are they?" I must have looked like a deer in headlights since I was too busy/crazy to even worry about that this morning. I know they were stronger than they had been but I wasn't sure of how much time separated them. I told her about the crazy morning and that I didn't even think to worry about that. She said "let's check you" and then I heard, "oh, you're 1 cm dilated." Really? Two weeks of contractions and I'm 1 cm?! She said that she wanted to monitor me so she called in a nurse and the nurse got me hooked up.
Now mind you that I've not sat for one moment all morning and you'd think I'd be happy, as I usually am, to be resting there. But not so much that morning. I'm three fourths the way naked since they needed my belly bare to hook up the monitor. I couldn't get comfortable on the table no matter how Matt tried to fix the angle of the table back. I was hot, the lights were too bright, and I just wanted to relax which I couldn't seem to do.
We were there for over an hour. The monitor wasn't on right and it didn't pick up a single contraction. Mind you I only had 5 while lying on the table realizing that they weren't as close together as I had been imagining. At this point I just wanted to go home. The doctor comes in to check on me and I must have looked like I had gone through a storm because that is how I felt. She looked at me and said that she could keep me and monitor me more, or I could go home but that right now it looks like we're playing the "hurry up and wait game." I just wanted to go home. I wanted to lay down, I wanted to nap, I wanted someone to rub my back, I wanted someone to tend to my children, I wanted food that someone else made, and I wanted to know if I was in labor or not. She couldn't grant any of that except the 'go home' part. So that is just what I did- well I did stop at a fast food place to get lunch so another part of my 'want' list was granted.
I was just exhausted and it was only 11 in the morning. The whole way home I prayed. Thinking back I'm not sure if my prayers were specific or just for God's presence to carry me through the day. All I know is that I was restless and looking for some of His all powerful peace- you know the "peace that passing understanding" - yeah that kind of peace.
The rest of day seemed to pass uneventfully- thankfully. After dinner that night though I started to contract regularly, enough so that Matt was timing them and they were less than 5 minutes but not very strong. Then as my body as done plenty of times before, they stopped and never came back.
That night a slept so well- I was so tired. Saturday came and went with not much to say. I just remember being in a funk, not happy, not sad, not upset- just in a funk. We prepared for Easter with the girls and I spent the day wondering if she was going to be born on Easter. It was something I had prayed about- since one of our sweet heavenly babies was lost on an Easter I was wondering if this sweet baby in my belly now would be a reminder to us of the circle of life. But no baby on Easter.
Later in the evening on Easter I told Matt I'm glad my prayer wasn't answered the way I was hoping. We had a wonderful day together as a family celebrating the risen Lord and being with each other. The girls were able to enjoy Easter at their house, find their baskets when they got up, go to church, spend the day with their mommy and daddy. I'm glad God made it His was- it was very nice.
That is what my prayers have been lately. For me to not only believe in God's plan for this baby's arrival but to trust Him too. That was the message on Easter Sunday and it was one of those messages were I'm sure Pastor Spencer had wrote that sermin for me specifically. It gave me chills. But it is what I need to do. I need to believe and trust in God's plan.
Our annual Family shot on Easter. We took 30 pictures and this
was the best we got.
Now a week later I have my 38 week appointment tomorrow. I've been contracting all week again but nothing more than what I've already been dealing with. I've basically started ignoring them and not really saying anything unless Matt or someone asks. They have been nothing super strong, not very regular, and nothing worth fretting over. I'm very interested to see if we've made some progress in the dilation and thinning though. I'm pretty sure we might set a date for induction at tomorrow's appointment- if we make it to that date only God knows.
I was talking to my MIL about induction and how I'm really up in the air about how I feel about it. I was pretty much induced with Olivia since they had to give me pitocin to regulate my contractions and jump start my body after my water broke and nothing really happened, so I know what to expect. What I think is weird is picking her due date- shouldn't God do that? I guess in a roundabout way He is. I do like that it would make things very drama free. I could even have my mom fly in a day or two before- eliminating my need to have Esther watch them and for their lives to be uprooted in any way. That would definitely be an added bonus. I also think having an end date in sight would allow me to take a deep breath and relax a little more. So now that I write this maybe I'm not as up in the air as I thought- maybe it will be a good thing.
I know I'm ready to meet her. The girls and Matt are too. I know that whatever day God brings her outside to meet everyone will be a special day filled with blessings that can't be described by words. A day that I hope to remember as long as I live- like pray I do with my other little cuties! Whenever that might be- it will be perfect in a way only God can create. So whenever you're ready God...so are we!!!
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Proverbs 3:5-6
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