Batter Up!

It was the middle of the night when I woke up, woke up worried and thinking of the dream I just had. The dream was about me being on a softball team. The team was playing indoors on a makeshift diamond. The place was very crowded. I was up to bat, I swung and made a connection. It was a base hit and I was proud and I could see my coach was too. The next person up to bat got out and ended the inning. Pretty much the same scene played out again- up to bat, got on base, then the inning ended and I got no where else. Then all of a sudden it was the end of the game and we were down. My coach trying to rally us has me up to bat and has plans for me to steal second base. So I head up to bat and there is a person in a wheelchair pitching. His first pitch was a ball. Then out of nowhere he pitches two pitches together and I wasn't able to keep up and I got out and the game ended. I was so confused and trying to figure out if what just happened followed league rules. I was frustrated and irritated. The coach was upset but complying with the officials as they explained the pitcher did nothing wrong. 


As I lay in bed trying to figure out what my brain was thinking as I dreamed this I had to use the bathroom- like every pregnant women, it's rarer to make it through the night and early morning without having to wake up once to head there. I got out of bed and when I closed the door to the bathroom, Lauren wakes up. I know she'll fall right back to sleep but I listen to her fuss for me as I think about how much that dream bothered me. I think about how much I want to head in there and hold her, telling her the noise she heard was just mama. That she should just fall back asleep and dream happy dreams. Unlike my dreams that wake me up annoyed and frustrated. Like I had felt all day yesterday.


Yesterday was another tough day. I was tired and feeling like sleeping all day wouldn't help me shake how slow I was moving. A guy from church, Dennis, was over helping me by painting our downstairs bathroom. He is currently unemployed and needed to keep himself busy. I know him well from LebCamp and when I told him I had a few painting jobs that would keep him busy he jumped at the chance to help us out. When I asked he said he didn't want any monetary compensation for his work, but there was a book he wanted for his daughter-in-law. It was a children's book he noticed Lauren had. So yesterday morning Lauren and I set out to get it. There is a book store less then five minutes from my house. The computer said they had one copy but no one could find it. So I headed to the Target next door. They had every other book by Sandra Boyton but not the one we needed. "Luckily" the book store had located one at a different location. So we stopped at home to let Dennis know what was going on, get a drink, use the restroom, and head back out. This location is twenty minutes away and I thought that while I was out there I'd hit up Party City. I've been looking for batman stickers for Lebcamp. According to the website they had some. So we got the book and headed to Party City. Of course they had no stickers.By now it was quarter to twelve and I hadn't done anything for lunch. I was hungry, Lauren was whiny and hungry, and I could only imagine that Dennis was ready to eat too. So I stopped at Arby's to get some sandwiches (figuring grapes and pretzels would round out the lunch and cost far less than fries). We were in that drive thru line FOREVER!!! Lauren fussing and me feeling so tired- both of us hungry- I thought we'd never make it home.


Thank God I did and after giving our bodies the food it was demanding things got a little better. But I just hate that I had such negative thoughts all day long. I just wanted to lay around. And I feel that way all the time these days. I feel lazy. I usually run circles around Matt and lately he is so much more productive. Now I know it is because I'm pregnant- but that is what frustrates me even more. I want to be pregnant. I would be devastated if something went wrong, but I'm no good at being "under the weather." I'm horrible when my body isn't functioning at peak capacity. I know I need to slow down and just allow my body to feel how it feels. Embrace the fact that I'm growing a baby and that takes lots of work. Taking lots of energy. Causing aches and pains. Making me feel yucky. It's just a lot harder to do when you're got a 19 month old running around at your feet. 


I can't tell you how much I need everything to be okay this Wednesday. I can't tell you how much I pray and worry, which causes me to pray even more. I wish I had more energy to pray even more. I'm thankful for the days when life is a bit busy because then I think about all the scary stuff less. But those are the days I find myself more crabby and irritable because I'm so tired. Then I feel guilty because I'm so miserable when I should be so excited and overjoyed. It's like a viscous cycle. 


I know that Wednesday will help. I keep trying to have faith and happy thoughts. I keep praying for a good outcome this time. I keep reminding myself that God is good and to relax and give myself a break. I sure wish I was smart enough to take my own advice. Oh goodness. Let's just start with the fact that Matt's yummy homemade buttermilk waffles and writing down my thoughts have helped to get this day off to a good start. So I hope when I go to bed tonight my dreams are not laced with frustration or annoyance, but of potential and excitement. I hope in my dreams tonight I can make it to second base, or even home plate. That my stealing second will help us win the game!


Casting Crowns - Praise You in this Storm This song helps remind me where God is when things are tough and I pray that I'm never taking my eyes off him.

New Beginnings

Well as I mentioned a few posts ago we are happily and nervously expecting again. We've already had the joy of an early ultrasound showing a sweet baby and a sweet heartbeat. My doctors office is being so great with us. They had no problem giving us an early ultrasound and in fact, I have another scheduled for next week, when I'll be nine and a half weeks (most pregnant women wouldn't receive another one). I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have one scheduled- oh I know what I'd do...the same thing that happened when I was pregnant with Lauren I'd have a nervous breakdown waiting, and waiting to see that everything was okay. 

The pregnancy is a mirror image of how I was with Lauren. I do fine in the morning and then about lunch time I start to peter out with energy and by dinner time I feel like doodoo on a stick and I'm done. I still have nervous days like today where I feel better then I usually do and I start to get nervous and panic. That's most likely why I'm taking the time to write this post today, when there are about seven hundred other things I should be doing. But this is easing my nerves. 

The greater public is not aware of our happy news. I feel safe writing it on here because I only know of three people who might take the time to read this and two of which already know. I enjoy knowing that not to many people I know personally read my blog...as crazy as that statement might be, but I think it helps me to write more honestly and feel more free to share. It's not like I'm telling top secret information here, lol, just the nuts and bolts of my brain...more scary then secret. 

Anyway, I'm at that point where I'm ready to accept that I'm pregnant but I'm still not ready to believe it with my whole heart. I'm just ready to go next Wednesday and see the blob blinking that wonderful blink. 

I keep saying this whole situation is a testament to my faith. Whenever I start think negative thoughts, whenever I start wondering if we could handle yet another round of bad news, I remember how God works for the good in all things. That I need to pray my nerves away. That I need to put faith in Him who knows what I can handle and what I can't. That I need to relax a little. That I just need to wait a few more days (7 to be exact) and allow God to give me some affirmation. 

Why is it so hard to keep a strong faith. I mean if someone were to ask if I had a strong faith, I'd say yes. But then times like this come up, days like this come up, and I think to myself "why are you questioning God's plans for your life Jennifer?!?" Are my nerves lack of faith? Then I remind myself that I'm human. That my nerves are from past experiences. That had I never had three failed pregnancies that I mostly likely wouldn't be praying a dozen times a day that God help me to rely on Him and take the next step forward. That's not lack of faith that God will give us another wonderful healthy full term baby, it's me coping with the past. Lack of faith would result in me not praying and allowing my nerves to rule my life. I hope my logic stands up because that is what's getting me through. 

Well I'm sure I'll be on here again. Definitely next Wednesday or Thursday with news about how everything is going. But I need to spend the rest of this nap time getting some of my "to do list" onto my "ta-done" list.

"As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12

Our Story

I don't think I've ever taken the time to write down the story of how Matt and I came to be. It's not a particularly breathtaking story. No punch line, no flashiness, and no mind-blowing action. Just a story about us and how God brought together two humans that he made to be partners in life. So, as you read don't be excepting too much. In fact, I mostly wrote this post for selfish reasons. I wanted to think about our humble begins and look at how far we've come. The end of this past June puts us together for the last 11 years. It's a special story to us, and frankly that is all that matters to me. So here it is- and just to warn you this could get long...

I transferred colleges after my first year. I was pressured to go away from home when I was applying for colleges and after my first year I knew that being so far away wasn't for me (now that makes me chuckle since I live 9 hours from where I grew up). So I transferred to a college closer to home (twenty minutes on the other side of the city from where I grew up) at the end of my freshman year. So when I started school my sophomore year I did the whole "Freshman Orientation" thing again. I was grouped with other transfers and I was thankful for that. It was a nice way to transition into a new school. In my group was a guy named Pat. He and I hit it off right away and after school started we would still meet up to study in the library or go to the dinning hall every once and a while. He was a nice guy and I think we went out a few times that winter. That is how I met his group of friends.

Pat was local as well and so his high school friends who went to school locally were around. I met them a few times with Pat. That spring we weren't hanging out as much and I hadn't seen many of them. This is until the following summer when I saw Sue at K-Mart (that's where she worked). She invited me to hang out and so I joined up with them again. I started hanging out with them more. That is the summer is when I met Matt.

Matt went to a college about three hours away from home and so when I first meet everyone, he wasn't around. But that summer when I was hanging out with them there he was. I honestly didn't think much of him at first. I mean, I thought he was cute- but he wasn't (and still isn't with people he doesn't know) a talker. On the other hand Phil was out going and easy to talk to, so I naturally got to know him faster. This would be instrumental to Matt and me getting together. 

One night I had everyone over to my house, my parents were out of town- so shhhh and don't tell them. That night Phil was working and didn't come. I guess since he wasn't there to chat with I noticed Matt a little more than usually. He was quite funny himself and he had me laughing. I also noticed that when everyone left he stayed behind to help me clean up and I thought to myself- who is this guy? After that night I started paying a little more attention to him.

My friendship with Phil helped me out since Matt and Phil are/were best buds. After noticing Matt more I was liking the kind, funny, sweet guy I was seeing. I asked Phil about him and he filled me in that Matt is painfully shy and if I was interested I better be the one to make a move. I asked Phil to talk to him, but from what I recall he never did. I laugh now thinking about how shy Matt can be. God picked out a perfect complimentary partner right from the beginning. If you know me, you know that I'm NOT shy at all. I can make a friend in a public restroom, and I have. I can also talk to a brick wall and get it to answer. God gave me these skill for a lot of reasons, but my favorite reason is that my shy Matt needed an outgoing Jennifer!

I was nannying Emily and Ethan that summer (the best job in the whole world aside from being a mommy to Lauren) and I took them on "field trips" each week. One week I was taking them to the Children's Museum and asked Sue and Matt to come along with me. Bob, Emily and Ethan's dad, let me drive their SUV so I had enough room for everyone. And I was so excited to go!!! This would be the first thing Matt and I did that wasn't in a huge group of people. I honestly don't remember to much about the day at the museum but I remember the kids passing out in the back on our way home. I dropped off Sue and then headed to Matt's house to drop him off. While I had him alone and the kids sleeping I asked him if he wanted to go out some time, without the kids of course. He said sure. I remember being so nervous. I dropped him off and headed back to Emily and Ethan's house with major butterflies in my stomach.

I didn't hear anything from Matt for a week or so and then after hanging out with the group one night, Matt was driving, he asked me to stay in the car when everyone else was getting out. I did and we set our first date. We went to Applebee's for dinner. Remember how I told you I can talk to a brick wall, well my shy husband was very close to being a brick wall that night. I remember him looking at the TV that was behind me on the wall (he later told me it was because he was so nervous) and I was thinking- hey buddy I'm right here. Then we went to the dollar theater to see a movie. The movie was awful! It was "Traffic" and I remember thinking it was about a traffic jam and it was about drug trafficking. Not my kind of movie at all! We sat in his van after the movie and talked to wee hours of the night. In fact, I got into trouble for coming home so late that night. It was worth it. 

After that first date we continued to enjoy seeing each other. A week later he came to my side of the city (we lived on opposite sides of the city- forty minutes apart) and we went to the bay and took a walk and we started "going steady." LOL! Oh I remember how awkward it felt and how nervous I was when we talked about it. That night he had dinner at my house and I remember my step-mom saying he was a handsome man. We started dating/going steady June 26th 2001. We got engaged July 20th 2004, and we were married October 22nd 2005. 

Since we started dating so long ago, lol, we didn't have digital cameras back then and so I don't have too many of our first photos on the computer. I did find two picture from later that summer though...

Matt and I in August 2001

Matt and I in September 2001, at Matt's birthday party.

Is it really July?!

Well June is out the door and in swings July, a H.O.T. July. So summer is in full swing. We just got back from a wonderful trip back home. This annual trip for us was very eventful and utterly exhausting. Eventful because we enjoyed boat trips, visits with friends, a funeral, visits with family, and more. Exhausting because Matt and I find ourselves joyfully expecting yet again!!!! And when I'm pregnant all I want is sleep, sleep, sleep. So as relaxing as the trip was, at some points, my body craved sleep. But there will be more about this in a later post. This post is all about our faithful trip.


Our trip started at our home with a visit from my mom. She flew in and enjoyed a short time here at our place. We played, went to our local amusement park to enjoy the park and a rockin' Christian concert, and just had fun visiting. At the end of the visit we had the pleasure of her riding with us back "home." It's funny that even though I've lived where I am for the last eight years- I still refer to where I grew up as home too. Anyway, the trip took a "few" hours longer than normal- I did mention my mom was with us right?!?...all in all it was a nice time.

Me, Lauren, and Grandma P about to ride the carousel. 

Once "home" we stayed with my dad first. Matt wasn't with us yet, still working, hence my mom riding with Lauren and I. There we got to enjoy a few boat rides, my fondest childhood memories are associated with boating. I feel lucky that even though it is just a few times a year that I get the joy of being on the open water, I still get to go out. As I was riding there, with Lauren in my lap, I was looking out into the open water- I was reminiscing of why I love the boat so much. Is it the water, the wind, the smell of the air, the noise of the motor, the view of endless water, the joy of relaxing your body and flowing with the motion of the boat, or the fact that your "free to move about the cabin" (unlike a car where you're belted in) that really does it for me? Then I realized it was the whole kitten kabutal (sp?- I hope you can figure out what I'm saying and you're not laughing too hard). I just love it all. The best was sitting there sharing it with Lauren. I know that she won't have the same childhood as me, growing up boating every summer, all summer long. But I'm glad my dad still owns a boat and she's able to get a glimpse into my cherished childhood memories.

Lauren enjoying the boat trip (even though she had to wear that uncomfortable life-vest. 

While at my dads we also enjoyed a visit from my sister and nephew. They were suppose to come up for a day and stay over night, leaving after we visited our grandmother the following day. However, plans changed when my great grandmother passed. She was 99.5 years old and it was her time. I was happy to know that she is  in a better place- a place with God holding her hand. The up side is that I got to see them longer. We enjoyed some sister time together, although it's hard since we were at my dads and not either of our houses. We also had a few sister moments too...some things you never grow out of.

Playing with cousin Finn!

Matt arrived, via a plane, on Tuesday night. I'd never been so happy to see him. That single parent thing is just too hard. Especially when you're trying to be "hands off" so the grandparents can enjoy Lauren. Not mommy micro-managed Lauren. That wording makes it sound bad, but honestly most grandparents would have time alone with their grand-kids. Not having mommy standing by telling them what to do with her, what she likes, and telling her what to do. It was hard for me- oh very hard. Watching her act a crazy when you know if she was with  you she wouldn't even attempt that behavior (since just a few months ago she did and I took the time to work with her so she wouldn't continue those ways). But grandparents are suppose to spoil the kids. They'll suppose to let the rules out and treat them differently then you do. It was just hard sometimes to be there and witness it. Other times I was grateful for a chance to nap or read my book and then I seem to rolled with it a lot better. All I know is that I didn't have my grandparents (only 2 of the 4 were alive when I was born) around for very long. I want Lauren to know and love her grandparents (lucky girl has 6) and her time with them- not them with mommy in control. 

Lauren and Daddy enjoying some nap time together (the girl was so tired from all the fun she had, she fell asleep four hours before nap on my lap- I transferred her to daddy, who was also interested in napping)

We enjoyed a visit with out wonderful friends Phil and Melissa. Although the 4th of July was hot, hot, hot. We spent time at the park having a picnic. Lauren loved collecting rocks, eating Phil's pirate booty, trying out everyone's chairs, and just being her silly self. Matt parents came and picked her up early, heaven sent- makes me wish even more that they lived closer/we lived closer. Then we chilled and played games, talked, and tried to keep cool. I also got to see my great friend Jamie with Melissa earlier in the week. Two great college roomies that I still enjoy. Wish we lived closer to them too.

Lauren at the picnic

All in all it was a wonderful trip. I'm glad that Lauren got to enjoy her grandparents and I got to see everyone too. Although I wonder about making the trip next year, I told Matt since we'll have two kids the only way I'm doing it is if he comes for the whole time. We'll have to see how it all works out and just enjoy the memories we have from this year. 


"The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble." Proverbs 19:23

Catching up on life...

I feel like the month of May and June have been nothing but a big blur. I have written a few posts here and there but haven't had that much time to sit and write and now that I do have a moment I'm not sure where to begin.


Well, school is out and that means summer is here. This still changes my world because all of my teacher friends are not working. I went from pretty much talking to my mom and sister, occasionally Matt for a moment here and there, during the day- to having a barrage of peeps to chat with. I've been hesitant to make to many plans after such a busy past few months though. 


I've got Brooke all week and that is helping me stay plan free. We do have a play date for Wednesday, like normal, but this one is to see a kids show/concert type thing. I'm hoping it will hold Lauren's attention and doesn't make me want to poke my ears out- lol. I can handle a lot of things, but I'm nervous about this one. We'll have to wait and see.


I've finally felt motivated to finish the door we had installed a few months back. I haven't gotten around to painting it. Mostly because I haven't felt too motivated and also because we've been so busy that nap time equals me sitting on my butt time. OR more likely it's been me getting more stuff done time. I really need to finish up a cross stick project and get started on the LebCamp small group devotionals. But, ha, instead I've decided to write a post. You see where my priorities are.


We just had the best weekend ever, because we had NO plans. That's right we enjoyed not doing a thing and not doing it together. I've been running myself ragged with all the things going on, I even told Heather I wasn't going to run this weekend. I just didn't want to have to run off, lol no pun intended, anywhere. I wanted to be home with my family. I do have to say I felt a little lazy after having such a slow weekend. But I got a few house hold things done, and it was nice to just do it without feeling rushed or scheduled. 


It was also a great weekend because we got to honor Matt for being such a great  and wonderful Dada. Sunday was all about Matt. Both of us enjoyed the day so much that when we went to bed we both said that it felt like going to church that morning was a different day. The day seemed to drag, but in a good way. Sometimes the best time are just being with each other. Lauren played in the water all weekend. We even noticed how much less diapers we used since she was outside in her bathing suit all weekend. We ate outside and I even took a nap out there. Amen for the perfect weather to enjoy the outdoors too. Sometimes we'd like to go out but it's too hot, or cold, or rainy. But this weekends weather was perfect.


So many blessings to be thankful for. Some time to slow down and enjoy each other, as well as honoring what a wonderful dad my husband is.


All God's people said...AMEN!

Happy Feet or should I say Fins?

After two crazy busy weekends in a row and a busy week I feel like I've got some light shining through. Just thinking about the many blessings I have to be thankful for. 

First Lauren is saying more and more words. She blows my mind as she looks at me and just blurts out yet another new word. I also feel like the words she already says are getting more audible too. I keep looking at her in awe of how much she has grown, just in the past month. I feel so blessed that I'm able to stay home and soak it all up, everyday.

She also has a new love. She is in love with fish. Any fish will do but Nemo is her true love. She has always enjoyed watching fish. At my friends house, they have a fish tank and she would just watch it all day long. She has had the sign for fish down for sometime now. She can say "dish" for fish too. 

I noticed it go from a like to a love though because of her most recent sleep patterns. Lately she has been getting up so early. She use to sleep until 7ish most days. Sometimes 6:30 and others 7:30. I liked this schedule and had no problem getting up when she did. However, more recently she has been waking up at 5:44-6 am. This is too early for mommy. So most days I transfer her to our bed, where she will read books and headbutts or kicks us as we try and pretend we'll get more sleep. On Saturdays though I've been putting in a movie on the TV in our room, giving her a sippy cup of water, and a snack cup of cheerios. She doesn't watch the movie for long, but it gives her some background noise and she goes and plays with books or what not while we lay there like bums. 

She had picked out the Lilo and Stitch movie forever ago from the closet we keep movies in. She would just carry it around the house like she does her books. For this reason I tried this movie first. Then we noticed she was obsessed with the fish in movie so Matt suggested we put in Finding Nemo. Well, if I would let her, she would watch that movie over and over- everyday. She is always asking for me to put it on and walks around says "dish, dish" and pointing at the TV. I'm not a fan of having the TV on all day, so most of the time she doesn't get her wish. 

I also have the sound track to Lilo and Stitch so I put that in her radio one day and she loves listening to her "dish" song on repeat all day long. There are some moments I think I might need to be checked into a padded room if I hear the song one more time, but she loves it. She also walks around with the DVD paperwork for Finding Nemo and call it her "dish book." She just cracks me up. How precious it is and I know I will look back and remember this stage in her life and have these same feeling rush back. She is just taking in so much. I can't get over it. So today I'll end with a quote from Nemo that reminds us all what to do when life gets us a little grumpy...

Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do? 
Marlin: No I don't wanna know. 
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.
Marlin: Dory, no singing. 
Dory: [continuing] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I love to swim. When you want to swim you want to swim. 
Marlin: Now I'm stuck with that song... Now it's in my head. 
Dory: Sorry. 

The Wonders of this Life

Today I got the joy of celebrating a wonderful man of God. Our, soon to be, former youth pastor. Our church had our annual "One Service." This is where we bring the morning service (9 am contemporary) and afternoon service (11 am traditional) together for one 10 am service.


It was two years ago I remember our first "One Service" since it was when we announced to the church that Lauren Shea was on her way! I enjoyed today too because before Lauren we would be lazy and sleep in on Sunday's, attending the afternoon service. Now that Lauren has us up at the crack of dawn we attend the early service. It was nice to see and visit with the late service friends we don't see as much these days. I truly miss them and get excited when I get to have fellowship with them.


I also enjoy the musical blend they did today with having both the praise band and choir performing together throughout the service. The hymns the music director selected were oh so wonderful too. A side from the sermon, the music is a close second in the things I enjoy about every Sunday's service. Nothing like a song to remind you of your faith and love for Jesus or convict you of not being as faithful as we should be.


Anyway, back to honoring Jason and his time at our church. I should give you a little background. He recently married a wonderful women Megan. They both work in the ministry, him as a youth pastor, and her as an associate pastor. Her position in the church is appointed, while his is hired. So, she is staying and he is moving to where she is. Hence, causing him to have to leave us.


We've known this is coming for sometime now. In fact, I wrote a post about it not that long ago- Ripping off a Band-Aid. Once he proposed to her and the news was out it didn't take us too long to figure out that we were going to be losing a fabulous youth pastor. But today we didn't weep over the fact that he was leaving, although many tears were a rolling, we celebrated the impact he had on each of our lives. It must have been such a surreal experience now that I'm thinking about it. Having those you are closest to tell you how much your life has impacted them and their faith journey. So many amazing people had such phenomenal things to say. One of the other adult helpers, Josh, and I got the youth together these past few weeks and they made a video goodbye. They did such a great job and it was neat to watch what they all said.


Our faith journey is touch by so many people. Sometimes it is people like Jason, whom you will never forget the positive impact they made. I wish him luck with his new endeavors. I know he and his wonderful wife will enjoy living a married life in the same house/town/zip code. I know he will enjoy getting his hands and feet working in his new church. I pray that this transition brings him nothing but joy and happiness. I pray that we, who are still here, continue to honor him in how we pitch in and help make for a smooth transition with our new youth pastor. I pray for what has been and what is to come.

Lauren and Jason at work camp last year. (She's so tiny!)

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sign psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God." Colossians 3:16