Big G's Big Day

Well the saying "better late than never" is really ringing true here. Graham has been out of the womb for over 2 years, yes years, and I'm finally getting around to writing (more like posting, it's been 85% done for over a year but I'm just finishing it and then posting it) his birth story. It makes me a bit sad, really sad if I think to long on it. Just that I'm sure some parts of this story have already been lost to time. My brain isn't what it use to be either. Heck, I've never had a good memory and now motherhood has stripped me of any trace which my brain might have had prior. Thank God for Lauren- she and her sisters are wonderful at remembering things- so these days I just use them like one might use a piece of paper. I can never seem to find a paper and pen and then remember where I put said paper and pen when I actually need it anyway. They work way better anyway, the cutest stationary around!

Anyway, let me finish dusting the cobwebs and focus for more than 3.2 seconds.

So just like all the others at 37 weeks I had a false start. But Matt's mom was in town so she held down the fort. My mom got there a week after and we were on wait an watch mode. My doctor again asked if I was interested in an elective induction. At first I dismissed it. But then she said that we could always cancel at the last minute if I decided against it but I couldn't however ask for it at the last minute. So we decided to schedule it and just see where God lead us. I mean we did the same with Audrey and she was born the day before and all was well. 

He was due on April 28th and we set the induction for the 26th. Hind sight makes me so happy she persuaded us to do this. But we'll get to that in a minute or two. So my mom was in town and I was so grateful but I remember also feeling ready. I was huge! I mean I was pregnant so what does one expect. But all who have been there know. When you're that big you're uncomfortable and you can't sleep for more than a hot minute at a time. Between comfort and the need to use the bathroom every two seconds, sleep is not very restful. Having my mom there was wonderful though. Especially since we had Easter and Audrey's 2nd birthday in there. I don't know how we would have done it had not God provided us with these Grandmas. Here are a few pictures of Easter and Audrey's birthday. Such sweet memories.

Our last picture as a family of 5- on Easter Sunday.

Mom, Audrey and Me

Big girl turns 2!!! Only 1 week before she officially became a BIG sister!

So there was plenty to keep us busy and going but still my mom was again determined to walk this baby out. She pushed me each night to take a walk. 

I'm laughing thinking about it now. The Sunday before he was born she pushed my big butt out the door to walk the neighborhood. It was a rainy/windy evening and I didn't want to do anything but sit on my big butt. It wasn't currently raining but it had been and still looked like it was about to. But I relented and we went. On our way home the wind was really picking up and the black clouds were looking like they might open up and rain furry on us. I realized that it was Sunday and America's Funniest Videos was on. So I picked up that pace. My mom's short little legs couldn't keep up with me and on top of that she has arthritis in her feet. She asked me to slow up. I said back to her "It's Sunday! America's Funniest is on. My family lives for this!" Just after I said it, we both busted out laughing. I mean hormones and exhaustion can really contort ones sense of reality. 

Another goofy story from that last week that my brain just remembered was a day mom and I went out shopping. We were getting my last minute errands done and we were hungry. So off to Taco Bell we went. It was fast, cheep and we were hungry. So this particular Taco Bell had the type of seats that are stationary, cemented to the ground. Oh I sat down and we both couldn't help but laugh. I just barely fit into the seat. I had to squeeze into the table. Back.To.Belly I was snug as a bug in a rug. I did take a picture of that- it was too much!

Back to belly, I just barely fit!

The night before Graham was born- so big!

Each night I would lay down and wonder when he was coming. I would pray for peace about it but that last week I really remember thinking only about getting this little man out! Thankfully my doctor had us set an induction date because we knew he would be coming by then. This helped once again for my mom as well. She knew when he was coming and could arrange a return flight and not be here endlessly (I think her total stay was 17 days- I'm sure my step-dad missed her at that point and she missed the calm and quiet of her home too). The night before I was excited and we had all the girls setup in Audrey's room. They had a fun sleepover together. 

All the girls having a night before sleepover.

So Wednesday, April 26th at 6:30 a.m. Matt and I showed up at the hospital, him walking sleepily and me waddling. Such a stark contrast to the last time I entered a hospital to give birth. Audrey was fast and furious- coming in 3 hours and we arrived at the hospital with me ready to roll!

All checked in they walked me to the new L&D unit. We were excited because in the two years between children they had renovated the woman's wing. They weren't completely done but pretty close. The room we were in was nice, new and all fancy with mood lighting and such. My nurse had just gotten on duty and would be with me the whole time- which was nice. She settled me in and got me hooked up (not my favorite part). I was GBS positive again so they had to get two doses of antibiotics in me. Just a quick aside here- this hurt. She had to do two bags of penicillin and each time it burned. Like fire in my hand and arm as the medicine entered. I felt so whiny but it hurt bad. Oh the little things. So they started the meds. Soon my doctor was there and she checked me. I was the same as the last time she had checked me. (These are the memories that have gotten fuzzy overtime). I'm pretty sure I was still 3 cm and maybe 70% at this point. 

So all hooked up and checked out we started settling in. And that is when it started. The amazingly annoying construction noises. Yes, hammer, hammer, hammer, saw, saw, saw on repeat- I was like "WHAT!" It wasn't too bad but when you're about to be put into labor it was rather annoying. It didn't start until the "workday" started at around 8:30-9. The nurse came back in a little while later and I asked about it. Then we were the really annoying- about to give birth- people and asked if it couldn't be stopped was there a room we could be moved to that wouldn't be so loud. So our request to be moved was granted, but we were moved to the furthest room away, like the big annoying people, we were put in the naughty room. But at that point I didn't care because it was the quiet room so I was happy being put in the naughty room. 

Now resettled we began the big wait. The wait for my body to start doing its thing. We watched some TV and texted. The only memory I have other than just waiting around is the anesthesiologist coming in to see if I was going to want an epidural. Which I said no thank you too. He didn't seem to like my refusal and hung around a bit just being triple sure I didn't want one. Like I was some kind of freak or something for saying no. I have a few pictures of this time frame.

All settled in for the big day

This is the room- very nice without the construction noises

We were moving along steadily as the morning continued. My contractions had increased in intensity but worn't too bad. By 10:30 they had gotten more regular as well. The nurse had just checked me and said I was the same as when I came in that morning. I was floored. I mean my contractions weren't breathtaking yet but something had be happening. Then my doctor came in, she checked me and said that yes, I was indeed the same but my cervix was very different and it wouldn't be much longer. I think I let out a visible sigh when I heard this. However, my doctor was about to go in to preform a C-Section on another patient. She was afraid that if she left me going as I was she might not be there to deliver the baby. She proposed that they stop the Pitocin and allow me to plateau and then when the nurse hears that my doctor is closing up the surgery that she can then resume the medicine. 

I was like, "What did she just say." Was she pushing the pause button on this?!? I mean I completely understood it all and was fine with it, but I was laughing just the same. Matt took this time to get some lunch and refuel since we had such an early rise and shine time that day. I believe it was around 11:45ish when they resumed my Pitocin and we were once again on the road to having this baby. You have to laugh at this because come on now!

It was at this point that she also began the second dose of Penicillin. Oh how I hate that stuff, ouch. Anyway, my doctor also instructed the nurse to put me in this crazy position and use a peanut birthing ball. Here is the picture I got off Google in case you're like me and had no idea these things existed. I had no idea until that moment. I'll do my best to describe what they did to me. 

So they inverted the bed. My head was lower than my feet. Not by too much but it seemed counter intuitive to have gravity not working for me but what do I know. On top of me being heals over head, they put this peanut ball between my legs which was to help open my hips up allowing baby to have more wiggle room I think. She put me in this position and left. At first I didn't notice too much but it truly took no time at all for this position to work its magic. My contractions started become more intense and more frequent. But I also started losing blood in my arm. The arm that just moments earlier was burning with pain from the medication was now tingling and really hurting even more, pretty unbearable. At this point the nurse didn't come even though we had called for her (must have been busy with other people who didn't need to be put in the naughty room), I'm not sure what was going on but my needy self was on her own. Matt helped me get into a position that allowed blood flow to my arm and yet didn't compromise the birthing position they had me in. Amen for my amazing hubby and birthing partner!

It was about an hour more of this and I was ready to roll. If my timeline isn't wrong it was about 12:15 when the nurse left us on our own and it was like 1:00 or sooner when I went into active labor. And then boom just like my body has done many times before it went so fast from active labor to transition phase. In just one more hour, about 2:00, I was ready to push. I was ready to get this baby out of there. But again, PAUSE!! Yes, I was told I couldn't push. That the doctor wasn't there and I'd have to wait. I did ask that the stinky peanut ball be removed because it was driving me nuts at this point. I remember specifically asking to "get into the birthing position" and being told no. It was, what felt like forever, but was more like 20 minutes or so from when I told the nurse I was ready to roll and they were ready for me to roll. I really don't think the nurse believed me when my doctor and I told her I labor fast and furious once my body gets going but she sure got on board fast!

So I had to breath through a 'few' (20+ minutes) contractions resisting the urge to push, so not fun. My doctor finally ran in the room and suited up and they let me get into position and got the bed all ready for me. I think it was just four pushes and little man was out. Graham Michael was born at 2:49 pm. He was 20 3/4 inches- almost 2 inches longer than his sisters and 7.6 pounds- the heaviest of my babies as well. Now I see why I was ready for him to be out!

That might not seem like a big baby to some. I know of smaller woman giving birth to bigger babies- but he was my biggest baby. He was also in utero the longest. He was born 2 days prior to his due date and that was my longest pregnancy. But I completely understand if you've had bigger and dealt with it longer and so feel free to roll your eyes at this.

Anyway, I was overjoyed enough to tell Matt that I didn't want to do this again. I was deep breathing and taking this little man in and the "joys" of labor and I looked at Matt with my most sincere eyes telling him thanks but no more please. I was praying and singing God's praise don't get me wrong but I was so tired, just so tired. I understand that minutes after giving birth might not be the best time to make such decisions but it seemed like a great time to broach the subject if you asked me and my poor body.

Here are some sweet pictures of our little man:

Snuggles after a busy morning for mommy
and baby

So precious and such a sweet boy.
Love at first sight!

It was well into the 3 o'clock hour before the doctors and nurses were done with me and him. He was healthy and my body had done another great job of birthing a child- what an answer to prayer! 

We called my mom and the girls and told them the great news. We called my dad and step-mom, along with Matt's parents. We just sat and enjoyed him.

My mom came with the girls after they had eaten dinner. So it was about 6 when they got there. Here are some pictures of him and his very excited big sisters!

A had been so excited about "her" baby! She was so
excited for her newest buddy. She wanted to do
everything for him. True love for sure.

L and her newest little sibling.

O was the one who knew it was a boy.
She was praying for a brother of her own.

I had cute shirts made for the girls. They said "sister squad" and their name. They were so excited. My mom had looked like the day had been a full one with all the girls. She was enjoying the time to sit for a minute and hold her newest grandson. I think O had given her a run for her money and climbed into the play area at the local fast food restaurant but cried and wouldn't come out (because she had gotten scared, not disobedient) and my mom had to climb in and rescue her. Then she had gone to the wrong hospital and one of the girls had fallen and hurt her knee once they arrived at the correct hospital. Needless to say she had had a full day with the girls.

Here is our first picture as a "Party of Six!"

I'm recording the rest of this story because to me I see it as part of his story. And part of the way I feel God was growing me through adding this little man to our lives. And I may forget these memories one day and I want to have it all down. But if you're just interested in the actual birth of my sweet son, you can probably stop here and call it a day/night.

So my nurse was ending her shift at 6. Before she ended her shift I had called the nursing station and asked for help going to the bathroom. No one came. Twenty minutes later I called again and again no one. Matt had to help me to the bathroom. They had been pumping me full of fluids all day and my body could only hold but some much. I had to have Matt look in all the drawers to get the supplies I needed to do this undertaking. If you've done this birthing thing before you understand what goes into this seemingly simple task. I was a bit annoyed but then again I was in the timeout room, so I guess this is what I get. Anyway, I got that done- with Matt's help. Then I started to get hungry as the 5:30-6 o'clock hour approach. I mean I hadn't eaten since the night before. So I asked my nurse when she came in before her shift ended, but I guess she hadn't relayed the message to the new nurse. So I tried again to get someone in the room to help a girl out but I was again left on my own. This was the third incident that day where I called and no one showed. I'm not a nasty person so I tried to take it in strides but it had been a long day- heck a long 9 months. My mom and the girls arrived so I was busy with them and distracted. I would have had my mom get something had I known. Finally I think at 7 the new nurse finally got around to coming in and checking on me. 

By this time I had so many needs- like how to get food and when was I going to be moved to the post-delivery room. Where I could settle in and maybe, not be left to my own devices. But all the information I was given was to call in my food order and to have them deliver it to the room I was in. And she dropped hints that there was some big fiasco going on and that's why I had been ignored. So I took a deep breath and tried not to think of how hungry and tired I was as I waited patiently for things to work out. 

I look back now and it was one of the many times over the next year or so where I was slowly learning that lesson. You know the age ol' lesson of God's timing and not ours. And to take a deep breath, sit back, pray and let God work things out instead of being so stubborn and bull headed. Of how it's not always about us and how I need to set my sin-nature/self-contentedness aside. I wasn't moved to my postpartum room until 9:30 that evening (just reminding you that I gave birth at 2:49 that afternoon- with no complication or medication that would required me to stay there that long). And no my food was not delivered to my delivery room. And I had to be the one to call the kitchen and get it all worked out. It was like 9:15 and a lady showed up with a wheel chair out of the blue. She did not have the best bedside manor either. I had hit a brick wall. But I continued to just shut my mouth and go with the flow.

But when I finally arrived upstairs things settled and I was checked on every few hours whether I need it or not. I was spoiled as they tended to me. My nurses there were very sweet and made me want to stay a few moments longer. We tried our best to enjoy this precious time with just him. Enjoying the quiet and having just one baby (and a host of nurses to help with him). When it's your 4th you appreciate things a bit differently. 

Proud Papa

But by Friday I was ready to be home. I missed my girls and I was ready to be back at my own home. I was overjoyed and get this show on the road! 

Here are some pictures of that day:

So tiny!

Mama and G ready to head home.

We headed home and the rest of that year was a whirlwind. With three older ones and a house full of chores/demands- every day was busy and flew by. I tried to soak it in the best I could. But LIFE.IS.FAST! Days can feel like they go at snails pace and yet weeks, months and years fly by without warning. I look back now 2 years later and I know that's me in those pictures and that's my little man but I can really hardly remember it without the aid of pictures and home movies. 

We were just up north visiting family and I had the joy of meeting two of our newest nephews (2+ months, and 5 weeks old). They were as tiny as G in these pictures. And I held them and tried with all my might to remember my children being that little. But it's so hard. I see them now, all of their personality and the amazing things they do and say. I see how God knew all the way back before I could have imagined my life now but I could only really see what was in front of me. Lauren, 8.5 years old and smart and sensitive, thoughtful and spunky. Olivia, 6.5 years old and full of music, dance, imagination, generosity and love. Audrey, 4 years old and full of passion, laughs, desires of her own, and snuggles. And Graham, 2 years old and full of new words, sweet kisses, jumping, running, exploring and enjoying having a memory (every time we pass things he remembers he lets the world know). 

Matt and I recently had a conversation about how we've been together for 18 years. We began dating/courting back in June of 2001. Could we have written our story with such purpose and love as God did? How being parents for the past 8.5 years has blown our minds as we navigated thought and around every corner. And then I said to him after we reminisced, "Can you imagine what the next 5, 10 or 15 years will be like?" Our minds cannot even begin to fathom what it will look like then. How different they'll be- heck we'll be. Makes me think of the verse in 2 Corinthians, chapter 4 verse 18 that says "So fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

I'm so thankful for a God who has it all under control. Who knows it all and sees how it will perfectly fold itself together to make the pages of our book. A book of love, loss, struggle, joy, gentleness, forgiveness, triumph, and one where we pray that each moment and each memory points to a God who loves his people and sacrificed in a way I don't want to imagine but do. I don't know when I'll post on here again. But what I do know is that I'm blessed and I hope to pass that blessing on to my family, friends and neighbors. To those I know and don't know along the way. And above all- that God's love and my love for His Son, Jesus, is my legacy to these sweet children God has given us.

Proverbs 18:10
The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe.

Deuteronomy 10:20-21
Fear the LORD your God and serve him. Hold fast to him and take your oaths in his name. He is the one you praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes.

Isaiah 12:2
Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense; he as become my salvation.

Psalm 145:9
The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.

Audrey's Big Day!!!

I guess first I need to introduce the newest member of our family:

Audrey Ruth

Born: April 19th

6 lbs. 4.5 oz. & 19 inches long

So here it is 1 month later and I'm finally getting around to writing her sweet birth story. The story I was praying about for months and wondering what it would be like. This month has flown by and each moment/day seems to go at lightning speed. I truly enjoy every stage and age of childhood, so I get so sad when one passes but then excited for what's to come- it's a confusing thing I know. But oh what joy it's been to have a sweet little baby in the house again! We love her more and more with each passing moment. I've so enjoyed watching her big sisters love on her and having her add to the love/crazy in our house. We're truly blessed beyond measure!

Well where to begin? I'll start with week 37 of pregnancy and go from there because that's when my body started making me nuts and keeping us wondering...

So both Lauren and Olivia were born just over 37 weeks so I wondered if that was my body's limit. So at 37 weeks 1 (a Friday) I had an OB appointment. I woke that morning having some contractions. This is normal, to some degree, for me towards the end of pregnancy but that morning they seemed a little more 'regular' as I woke at an early hour to prepare for the appointment. The plan was that we were dropping Lauren and Olivia at Esther's house and then Matt and I were heading to the appointment. Well that was until I got a text from Esther that poor Evan had been up all morning sick. So as I was getting ready I was racking my brain as to who else could help us. Well since it was Good Friday, Robin didn't have school so I called her and she was able to jump in at the last minute. Problem solved! Well about ten minutes later Matt was putting on his socks and he did something to make his back get messed up. I know putting on his socks of all things, but my dad herniated a disk in his back putting on his socks so you just never know. Well Matt was in obvious pain and at one point asked me to help him walk...while I was having a contraction! I immediately started to panic...what if I am in early labor, then what?!?! He was in no way going to be able to hold a leg let alone do any other helping during labor. So then I called my great friend Heather, the only person in town I would even consider being in the labor room with me, and in panic mode asked if she could help out if this was the day. She said she could do it and to keep her posted. Things seemed to spiral into craziness as the morning continued. I got nervous as the contractions continued so I said we should bring the bag with us, just in case. I was so anxious and in wonder- was this the day??

At the appointment I told my doctor about the contractions and she got right to checking me and I was 1 cm and 'ripe' (such a nice term). She asked if I had timed them and I laughed and told her I hadn't even thought of it with our busy, hectic morning. She hooked me up to a monitor and left me there. She tended to other patients as Matt and I sat. It seemed that as I 'relaxed' (as best I could under those conditions) so did my body and the contractions slowed. I had a few spaced out contraction but the monitor had been hooked up wrong so they didn't even register. When she came back 45 minutes later I just wanted to leave, go home and sleep. So back home I went, off to work Matt went, and sweet baby girl stayed right where she was. Later that evening the contractions came back and were very regular but not very strong- an hour later they were gone altogether.

That was Easter weekend and I spent the whole weekend wondering if it was time. I kept trying to think of anything else I needed to do to prepare. And this is when I also started praying and praying fervently that when the time did come that there was nothing dramatic about it. I prayed to God for a quiet exit to the hospital where I simply had a baby and that was it. No drama, just baby.

And my poor mom was just on call waiting to book her plane ticket so she could be here to help out. She was hoping our baby girl would stay in a little longer since she had a 'can't miss' doctors appointment on the 9th that couldn't be rescheduled. 

Well the week continued, days filled with contractions and no labor. I got to the point where I would just ignore them and go about my day. I just remember being more and more exhausted as each day passed. I would get to the point of having nothing left to give each day by lunchtime- after that I was running on fumes. Only by the grace of God did I continue to put one foot in front of another. Thankfully and unfortunately the month of April was fairly empty since I was planning on having a baby sometime in that month so I didn't plan anything just in case. Well some days I was so thankful since I was just big and done and then other days I needed distractions and something to keep my mind off being big and done.

My next appointment was a week later (38 weeks), also on Friday morning. This time we just took both girls with us. I was not in fear of going into labor during the appointment so I had no problem with bringing them. We brought a wonderful sticker activity book to occupy them and told them that when the doctor came into the room they had to sit with daddy behind mommy while I talked with her. They did wonderfully. She checked me again and I was a "soft 1 cm." I really wonder who comes up with these terms! Well as my sweet little ones were keeping daddy's hands full I asked my doctor about induction.

My doctor broached the subject with me two weeks earlier and since I was so used to giving birth early I didn't even give it a second thought. Then I started to think about it more and more as the days passed. I just kept thinking about how it would really help with planning and my mom and I also thought about how it would help me relax and enjoy the last days of pregnancy as much as I could. Plus, my doctor might actually, finally deliver one of my babies if we went this route- she missed Olivia by ten minutes!  She was open to it and told me how it would all work. She also informed me that the last five patients she had scheduled for an induction went into labor on their own before hand. So that gave me hope that I would too. So we went ahead and got the ball rolling. Later that day, after the appointment, the doctors office called to tell us that we were scheduled to be induced on Monday, April 20th. They gave me all the pertinent information and that I would need to come in on the following Thursday to do all the pre-registration stuff. I got off the phone with mixed feelings.

I really wanted to go into labor on my own- I started praying now for a drama free labor that happened on it's own. I prayed and I prayed most of all for the strength to trust in Him who knows all. To trust and believe that He had it all worked out and if induction was His plan- than that was that and I didn't need to worry about it. But you know how God works- sometimes he takes us down a road that looks to us like a detour but what is to him the right road all along. 

I only spoke of the induction to my mom, Esther (since she was going to take my kids) and another prayerful friend. I know all three of those women were praying hard for me. I am eternally grateful to them for that love. 

Now that we had a set date on the books for our sweet girls potential arrival and it was now passed my mom's important doctor appointment, we could plan for my moms arrival to our house. My mom called me the Sunday following the 38 week appointment and said that her and my step-dad Bill had talked it over and they thought it would be best for her to head our way at the end of the week so she could help me out before and be here a little early incase Audrey came sooner too. My exhausted self was so glad to hear that help was on the way. God knew I needed it!! He always provides for us- Amen!!! I was praying then that the baby wasn't born Monday because that would have made for craziness but thankfully she was still tucked safely inside and content to be there. 

My mom arrived on Wednesday evening. The moment I knew her plane had arrived I let out a breath of relief and relaxed a lot. It was nothing but the grace of God that my mom provided us in those few days leading up to Audrey's birth. Especially since that Thursday I had the pre-registration appointment, right during nap time, that took two and a half hours and cost us $500 (oh we'll get our money back but not until after the hospital and the insurance company go through that long drawn out process of settling the bill- so annoying). Then the next day, Friday again, I had my 39 week OB appointment. So my mom babysat for both appointments- heaven sent!! At this early morning appointment my doctor checked me and said I was a generous 2 cm and said she would like to see me Monday morning already in labor and if I went over the weekend then it was very unlikely that she would be there due to personal obligations (she was throwing a fundraiser at her house for an early childhood preschool program for abused children- she's truly a wonderful lady). At this point I wasn't sure I cared who delivered my baby as long as she somehow made her way out. My doctor also wanted to do an ultrasound that day to check baby's weight. Another time I was overjoyed my mom was in town. So I left that appointment, got home, we all went grocery shopping, then headed back to the doctors for the ultrasound.

It was so cool to have my mom at an ultrasound- she had never had one before and this was her first chance at seeing her newest grandbaby and seeing an ultrasound. The girls came too, and they loved it. The tech gave both of them their very own picture. It was cool for me too, since I had never had an ultrasound so late into my pregnancy. Oh seeing her on the screen made me even more excited for her impending arrival.

After the ultrasound we headed to meet daddy for lunch since we were all starving and Matt works 5 minutes from the hospital. Plus, I was excited to show him the ultrasound pictures. But when we came home from that morning/afternoon I was exhausted to the core, we all were. I was grateful for mom then too, as she cooked dinner and helped with the kids too.

Saturday came and so did some time for rest. It was eighty degrees that day so we set up the pool out back. Matt mowed the lawn and mom and I rested in chairs on the deck watching the girls enjoy the first hot day of the season. As the day progressed so did the intensity of my contractions. During nap time mom and I went for a walk. During the walk she said "I have a feeling about tomorrow." I laughed and told her I've had a feeling about a lot of days when my contractions seemed more intense but I continued to brushed them off.

After dinner that night mom said we should go on another walk, "we're going to walk this baby out" she said. The girls road bikes and I waddled along. Mom took a picture of all of us (I need to get that from her) and told me "you got to look at this Jennifer, you look huge!" Yeah, just what I wanted to hear and see- big ol' Jennifer, no need to remind me- Thanks mom. I know she could just see it, see that I was done. I knew I had just a day left until for sure we were headed to the hospital so I took it in strides. That night I headed to bed around 9:00 with not an ounce of energy to have a care in the world.

At 12:35 am I awoke to a pretty strong contraction. I again didn't think much of it. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I had awoke to a few strong contractions only to fall back immediately back asleep- that's how exhausted I was! But I got up this time and headed to the bathroom. It was there that I realized what was going on, the fog lifting. I laid down only to have another contraction tell me that it's time! I woke Matt, also exhausted. He was so tired that he fell back asleep after he asked why I was waking him. He seriously fell back asleep three times after me telling him it was time to get up and start timing the contractions and start packing the bag. Each time I told him that and each time he'd fell back asleep forgetting anything I said. This annoyed me to no end so I started fussing at him and my tone was one of a very frustrated wife. It was then that he started waking only to fuss at me for fussing at him while he was trying to sleep!! Oh we were so tired. Finally, he got up and watched me breath through a few strong contraction as I was running around the room throwing things into the hospital bag while looking over my check list. After he was alert we both apologized for being so harsh and got to work. The contractions were like clock work 5 minutes apart and very obviously strong so we called the doctor.

I was feeling a little stinky from the hot day and all the walking and since I was too tired before bed to shower I wanted to hop in for a quick shower to freshen up. Since the doctor could take up to thirty minutes to call back I jumped in, only to have her call back in like two minutes- go figure. So Matt answered and talked to her. He came into the bathroom and had her on speaker phone. She made me laugh because she could hear me breathing through the contraction and she said "I think it's time to get out of the bath and head to the hospital." Oh I was planning on it doc!

We quickly finished up, Matt headed upstairs to tell my mom we were on our way out. She was awake already, she said that she heard us moving around down there and knew that it was time. Then we were out the door. Oh the ride there- the contractions were not easy to take sitting down. I remember just being so glad it was the middle of the night and the road was empty, allowing for a quick trip. It only took fifteen minutes but all three contractions I had in the car were not easy- I wanted to be up- it was so much easier to handle them walking around. 

We parked by the Women's wing and walk to the emergency room entrance, having a few contractions along the way. Matt check us in at the kiosk as I breathed through another few contractions. The emergency room check-in nurse called L&D. He was very anxious to get me up there and told me I had to ride in the wheelchair so I didn't have the baby right there. The L&D nurse who met us at the elevator said he looked very nervous and it made her laugh.

She wheeled me into the room and one of the first questions out of their mouths was "Do you want an epidural?" I said no. I was going to try again to have another natural birth- lots of prayer for that throughout the pregnancy. I told them I labor rather quickly and also that I had been scheduled for an induction the following day so my chart was already put together. They got me in the bed and checked me. At 2:00 am I was 5 cm and 70%. Wow, I thought, all that walking got me another 3 cm. Only 5 to go! 

The next hour and a half went very quickly. I had two wonderful nurses helping us. I have to laugh at the fact that we had two nurses with two totally different personalities- one just like mine and one just like Matt. One sweet, calm and quiet, and the other bubbly, talkative and encouraging. I am so very grateful for both of them. They had one of the laborist doctors come in at 3:00 am and check me. I was 8 cm and 90-100%. 

For some odd reason she wanted to do an ultrasound on me to make sure baby was head down. I'm not entirely sure why. As far as I knew she had been head down for a month. The lady who did the ultrasound on Friday afternoon never said anything that would indicate she wasn't but she did it and found that baby was indeed head down. It was not something I care to due in the middle of labor contractions but she did it anyway, only to find out all was well.

Shortly after that, I think- things are getting a little fuzzy a month out, my water broke. I was very glad I was laying in the bed at this point. Matt was a champ through the whole thing. He helped rub my back, talked to me (even if one time when I asked him to talk to me he start out by saying "I wonder how long..." in quickly interrupted that thought with "NO! Something else, talk about something else."), and he helped me out in any way I needed it. I know he was tired- it had been a long month, it had been a long week, it had been a long day but he rallied and stayed with me. 

It wasn't much longer before I was telling them I felt the need to push. They checked me again and said I was 10 cm with a little lip. I didn't seem to care about the little lip. I wanted to push. I pushed three or four times and at this point they were already hustling around trying to prepare everything for the baby who was coming soon.

I was happy to find out that the Laborist that was going to deliver her was the same one who delivered Olivia. At least if I didn't get my doctor I got someone I already knew. She was in there helping to prepare everything. Once they got the bed all set up she checked me again and said that there was still a bulge of amniotic sac behind the baby's head so the broke that. After that I was pushing through each contraction. It took a little longer to push her out than Olivia, like 5-10 pushes. 

I need to preface this next statement with the fact that I am NOT, I repeat, NOT a night person. I am a morning girl to the core. So the fact that I was giving birth at 3:30 in the morning would not have been my choice but that is how it was. So after the last big push, yeah she's out. I just flopped back like a sack of potatoes. Then I had a thought- 'oh wait, I need to look at my baby.' so with the little energy I had I sat up and looked at her with tired, relieved eyes and then plopped back down again. I was so glad for her to be there but was so ready to a rest. They then put her on my tummy, so I didn't have to sit up to see her.

Oh she was precious right from the start. I'll let some pictures do the talking now...

We laid together for the first two and a half hours. Matt tried to stay awake through that whole time but he laid down for a bit. I was even tired as the excitement wore off and the room cleared of doctors and nurses. During this time she nursed and we snuggled. I kept saying to Matt "She was just inside me and now she's out." "She's here!" "Wow, I just gave birth to her!" I think it all happened so fast, three hours from when awoke in bed to birth, and I was so tired that I just couldn't believe it had actually happened and that I actually gave birth to her.

The whole pregnancy was very reminiscent of my pregnancy with Lauren- how I felt, what I craved, how I carried and then sure enough she was born with clubbed feet just like Lauren. She was also longer and leaner, like Lauren. Oh I was so excited to finally see her sweetness outside of the womb!! To soak in her preciousness and met her gaze.

My mom brought the girls later that day. They were so excited to meet baby Audrey. They took to her right away, wanting to hold her and give her the gifts they had gotten her- Lauren a Whale lovie and Olivia an animal blanket. They were also excited to find out Audrey had gotten them a little something too. It was so precious. Lauren wanted to wrap her in her blanket and give her her Whale lovie- my heart was overflowing with love. They also got bored of that after a bit and spent the second half dancing around the room and hiding behind the curtain. Oh the joys! Then my mom so wonderfully took them to a birthday party. That day was also their friend Aliana's birthday!

I was so excited that Audrey shares a birthday with my great friend Heather's third child. In fact, Audrey shares some special thing with not only Aliana but her Aunt Carrie too. So here it is. All three girls are third babies. They're all girls- obvious I know. They all have six letters in their first name and four letters in their middle name. Aunt Carrie and Audrey share the same middle name- Ruth. All three girls are born in April. Aliana and Audrey share the same birthday and were born almost twelve hours shy of the same time too - Audrey 3:31 am and Aliana 3:35 pm. It's just really sweet. They will forever be linked in these special ways.

Matt and I enjoyed our two and a half days of quiet time at the hospital. It was our longest hospital stay since she was born so early in the morning on our first day there. Matt took a LONG nap once we made it to the post paradom room on Sunday. I however couldn't sleep, too much excitement. I was looking forward to having my sweet Audrey Ruth back in the room with me. This is when our mini vacation started. I'm tell you it was truly a vacation after the end of pregnancy! Nurses waiting on me, quiet...lots of quiet, I sat for hours at a time with nothing pressing for my attention, food being brought to me with no prep work or clean up to bother either of us, time to talk and reconnect after what seemed like a month or two of chois and crazy with each other, and nothing to do but love on our newest little girl. We watched some TV but spent most of the time with it off and just enjoying the sweet silence and talking to each other with no interruption. It felt so good to get rejuvenated- we needed it!

Before we knew it though it was time to head home and start enjoying life as a family of 5!!! We were so excited, even if it meant our vacation was over. We missed our big girls and couldn't wait for them to start loving on their newest little sister. Life couldn't feel more perfect!

Olivia's Big Day!

This is Olivia's birth story. I'm going to write a little preface here reminding you that birth can be yucky, I feel like I use my best judgement but you might want to stop reading now. Also, this is going to a long post. So many details I don't want to forget and the story spans four days- so pardon my long windedness now. Anyway here it goes...

This story starts back on the Wednesday before Olivia was born. That morning I had an appointment and after a disappointing appointment just a week earlier, I had actually made some progress! I was a "generous" 2 cm and 50% effaced, so I left that appointment feeling much better than the week before, when I was 0 cm and 0%. It was then that I started thinking, okay this might be earlier than later. My body was further along than it had been with Lauren, so maybe she would be early too. Because if you remember from many of my previous posts I was mentally preparing myself for a late arrival.

The next evening (Thursday) I started having some regular contractions. They started as braxton-hicks but then started getting more like labor pains. I called Esther and told her what was up (she was awesome and had agreed to take Lauren for us until my MIL could arrive from out of town) and also called my MIL to keep them both informed in case, I did indeed go into labor that night. The contractions kept up pretty well and got more regular as the night moved on, so Esther made her way to our place before heading home to pick up Lauren. I thought it was better to have Lauren go there before bed, then in the middle of the night. Much to my surprise though, the contractions faded away. I had gone into the bedroom to lay down and when I woke up an hour later they were gone. I still however, wasn't convinced I wasn't going to have her since this happened with Lauren. I had contractions all morning, they faded, I napped, I woke, they came back and she was born later that night. That was not the case this day though. They just stopped and that was that. So in the morning I felt a little nuts, having sent Lauren to Esther's and then nothing happening. I actually felt extremely guilty like I had shipped my baby off for no reason. Little did I know this was our dry run, since it was only a few more days and we'd be right back in the same place.

Friday and Saturday passed as normal, well except for Friday's dinner (see this post). Saturday's dinner redeemed me and everyone enjoyed the tuna pasta melt just fine. We put Lauren to bed and then rested ourselves in the bedroom for the evening. Around 9:30 I went to get out of bed and as I heave-hoed myself off the bed I broke my water. Well at first I thought I was peeing myself, so I started laughing at the thought. Then I couldn't stop laughing since each burst of laughter sent more fluid gushing out. Matt was very confused at what brought on my laughing fit. He soon figured out what was going on, since I couldn't catch my breath to tell him. I quickly got myself cleaned up and bless his heart, Matt cleaned up the bedroom floor. 

I called Esther and asked her to come pick up Lauren, and then called my MIL and told her we were headed to the hospital. Lastly, I called the doctor and he told me to come on it. After running around throwing last minute items into the hospital bag (that wretched thing finally got packed back on Thursday evening, about time) and trying to get the rest of the bedroom picked up. Then I had to go up and throw last minute items into Lauren's bag and get her out of bed. By that time Esther was there.

My poor baby, she had no idea what on earth was going on. She was awake but not coherent to what was happening. I strapped her into her car seat, which we had installed in Esther's van on Thursday, and gave her kisses. Matt kissed her and off she went.We got into the car ourselves shortly after that and headed to the hospital. 

I laugh now as I think of this next part, since in hind sight we were being silly. But when we got to the hospital we weren't sure where to park. We had to enter through the ER doors since it was too late to get in woman's wing. So we debated if we should park by the ER or the woman's wing since we'd be leaving through those doors and it would make it easier on Matt when he had to get the car. Since I wasn't having regular contractions and could use the walk we decided on parking at the woman's wing and walked to the ER doors. 

They checked me in and we patiently waited for a labor and delivery nurse to come get us. I used the restroom, Matt got a drink from the vending machine, and we paced the waiting area. After about fifteen, twenty minutes a nurse with a wheel chair showed up. I politely asked if I had to ride in the chair, she said no. I just wanted to keep moving and get these contractions regular.

She took us to our room and got me all hooked up. She then did a litmus test to check for the presence of amniotic fluid. This test came back negative. This baffled me since I knew that I didn't pee myself and I was 100% positive I had broken my water. Shortly after this the doctor came in.

I'm bummed that I was not seeing my doctor, instead I was seeing a "laborist." It was some older guy. I was aware that this might happen. But I have never had a "man" woo-ha doctor, so I was a little apprehensive about it. But the nurse and Matt were in the room the whole time so it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Anyway, back to the story. He checked me and said I was a "tight" 3 (which to me is the same as a generous 2). He then ordered another test to check for the presence of amniotic fluid. This test was sent down to the lab and had us waiting again. We sat there listening to the babies heartbeat and wondering what to do, or what they were going to do with me.

About a half hour later the test results came back and were also negative. I was beside myself. If I thought I felt crazy after Thursday night, I felt insane that night. I was so glad Matt was there when it happened because he could attest to the fact, that I did indeed break my water. The doctor explained that these were not foul proof, and they were just indicators. He then said that he was going to keep me overnight since I was having contractions and they would keep an eye on me.

Matt called his mother who had already left her house and was on the road. He told her the situation and they decided it was best for her to turn around and wait to hear from us in the morning. We were pretty sure this baby wasn't coming that night, so there was no need for her to drive through the night. I can't remember if we contacted anyone else, but I'm pretty sure we didn't. So we just got ready for a night in the hospital.

We were both very tired and wanted to rest. So the nurse got Matt some sheets and blankets so he could sleep on the couch in the room and we tried to sleep. Matt did a better job of this than me though. I just laid there. I felt some ease that they hadn't send me home, but I also felt extreme anxiety as to what was going on with my body. Was it ready to give birth? Was it not? What was going to happen? I remember praying a lot!!!  

I listened to my iPod and tried to calm myself with more prayer. I didn't want to lay down because when I laid down the contractions got more irregular and I was afraid they'd stop themselves again, so I stayed propped up in the bed. I think I slept for a total of an hour and a half. By six o'clock Sunday morning I was ready to give into the tears. I was listening to the song "East to West" by Casting Crowns 

I was praying for God to calm me and this song was reminding me that He is in control, that He knows what's going on, He knows when this baby would enter this world and it reminded me how much I need to rely on Him. We have such a loving Heavenly Father who has it all under control and the tears rolling down my cheek were of happiness that our God is so awesome and they were also me surrendering this whole situation to Him.

Some time in the night the nurse came in to check on me and informed me that the doctor had ordered an ultrasound for the next morning. This helped ease my heart and mind. It was like God was saying, I've got this, don't you worry yourself Jennifer!

Matt woke up to my sniffles as my tears started letting up. I informed him about the ultrasound and the wait game continued. A new laborist came on duty and she came in to check on me. She checked me and I was still only 3 cm and had made no change since the last check. She told me again about the ultrasound. I just remember she talked about a million miles an hour. I was still not fully awake and my head was spinning as I tried to listen to what she was saying. 

She had me get up and walk around, which I was grateful for. I was hoping it would help get the labor going and get my contractions more regular. It also was a great distraction from just sitting in the room. There was limited places to walk since I didn't want to go anywhere people could see me and we needed to stay close so they could find us when the ultrasound doctor got there. 

We walked for a good hour or so before we headed to the ultrasound room with the new nurse, Alexa. She came on duty earlier that morning. She stayed with us in the room as the ultrasound doc checked out the baby. It was nice, because he was same doctor we saw for my 20 week ultrasound. He was really nice and the fact that I knew him and liked him helped to relax me a little. That was until he informed us that there was a "normal" amount of water around the baby. 

I was just up in arms at that point. Feeling even more crazy and insane then ever. God didn't leave me hanging though because the doctor soon gave me an explanation as to what might have happened. He hypothesized that, I most likely ruptured my membranes up high, causing amniotic fluid to leak out and collect between the bag of waters and the uterine wall. When I preformed my heave-ho move in bed, this pushed the water out. Then with the fluid gone, the bag of waters flapped back against the uterine wall sealing itself back up. Finally something I could wrap my head around!!

So where do we go from there? He said that we had two options. We could go home but if I had ruptured my amniotic sack (which he believed I had) then there is a risk of infection. To add to infection concern, I was GBS positive- increasing that risk. The second option was they could get me going on some pitocin and have the baby now but this carried some risk too. I was only 37 weeks and 1 day. They consider it "early term." So there was a chance that she wasn't quite ready for the world and might spend some time in the NICU.

He asked us what we wanted to do. I looked at Matt and he looked just exhausted and unsure. He said "whatever you want to do" and I said that I was more comfortable with option two. The doctor agreed that he was more comfortable with the risks of having her now as apposed to waiting and hoping no infection sets in.

We headed back downstairs were I watched Matt continue to look less and less comfortable and communicative. The nurse left us for a minute and we talked about what was bothering him. After being with my husband for eleven years, I'm able to read him like a book, even when he says nothing. I feel like this is an art form I've perfected throughout the years. I asked him what was wrong and what he was thinking. He was more nervous about having her now, then the risk of infection. He wanted to talk to the doctor more about it, so when she came back in we asked to for her to explain it better. After him hearing that if indeed I was to get an infection, there was a chance that the baby could die, I think he quickly thought I few days in the NICU sounded like the better of the two options as well.

The doctor and nurse got to work on getting me all hooked up to the pitocin and ready to go. This was sometime between noon and one o'clock. Matt called his mom and told her to head down, took a shower, and got some food. He need some nourishment and to freshen up in order to keep going. I needed him to be ready to help me through this. Not sure why I didn't seem as effected by the lack of sleep and food- hormones are amazing things.

It wasn't long before my contractions became regular and I began leaking amniotic fluid. This early leaking proved that I had ruptured my bag of waters, and to me it was God saying "you made the right decision." We watched the movie The Patriot on TV as labor continued on. It was then that we had a moment to take the last picture of me with Olivia in my belly.

 

The nurse checked me at four o'clock when the contractions were very regular and getting to be more painful. I was a good 5 cm at that point. I was still able to breath through the contractions and doing just fine. An hour later though, I was feeling the pain pretty bad. I asked if she would check me again, she was apprehensive since it had only been an hour, but I told her I had reached the point where I wasn't sure if I could go on much longer and I wanted to know if I should ask for some pain medicine. 

Now I need to take an aside and fill you in on something. Ever since I had labored with Lauren so quickly I had always wondered if I could labor naturally. Two reasons, one I was pretty much ready to push Lauren out by the time I got the medicine/epidural and two I feel like the medication they gave me during labor made Lauren all loopy causing us to have such awful nursing issues. I really wanted to try and have Olivia without medications and had prayed and prayed for God's hand in this. In fact, do you remember the book we were studying The Circle Maker? (If not check out this post) Well I had been praying circles around having a natural birth. I hadn't shared this with anyone but God. In fact, when I was telling the nurses at the hospital, this was the first time Matt had heard anything about it, and he was quite surprised.

So I was having quite the internal struggle about weather or not I could continue much longer with the pain. I needed to assess the situation and figure out how much further I had to go and if I could continue on. Alexa was very nice and checked me. She found that I was 6-7 cm at about 5:00 pm. I wasn't sure I could hang on for the next three cm so I asked for medicine. 

At this point I had gone into my own little world, where I shut my eyes and don't open them. The pain causing me to just concentrate on getting through each contraction, so all I remember is the sounds of her started to get things out of drawers and opening up cabinets. In fact, I have very little visual memories of the last hour or so of labor, just sounds. What felt like just ten or fifteen minutes later I was asking about the medicine and she was telling me that it was too late for medicine. I remember saying "I can't do this!" and her saying "You're going to have to!" God knew I needed a firm nurse and she proved to be just that. She started firmly giving me commands at this point- which I responded to quite well. She asked to check me again, and I was asking for her not to since the contractions were one right on top of the other and when she was checking I couldn't do anything to help the pain. She again firmly informed me she was going to check me, so I submitted to her request. In just those 10-15 minutes I had gone 2 more cm. 

This whole time Matt was doing a wonderful job of holding my hand at first, then rubbing my back, and then doing the counter pressure against my hips and  back. He was amazing and I'm so grateful for such an awesome labor partner. Many praise to him for hanging in there with me.

Me being 9 cm now, Alexa started calling in the doctor and other nurses. She asked if I felt the pressure to push. I said "yes" but I wasn't sure exactly. I felt nothing with Lauren so I didn't know if the pain I was having was the pressure to push or not. I was nervous to push. I didn't want to and then I realized that some of my pain was coming from me "holding back" the urge to push. So I gave it a try. Well when I pushed the gush came back and then I pushed again and another huge gush of water. It was then I realized that pushing helped the pain. The nurses quickly got the bed set up and put my feet in the stirrups. I have a brief visually memory of the room and everyone in it, including the doctor who was all suited up. It took me three or four more controlled pushes and my sweet little girl was out. Matt laughs and says that I gave one more "war cry" and then a switch flipped when I saw Olivia and I said "Hi my sweet baby" and all was better. 

She was born at 5:36 pm, just twenty minutes after I said I couldn't take the pain anymore. God works miracles! She was born naturally, just like I had asked God for. It was a huge answer to prayer. I had gone 5 cm in just a over an hour. Looking back no wonder I felt like I couldn't take the pain anymore. I can't tell you how each and every person and event was heaven sent!

My little baby was here, 3 weeks early. She is perfect and spent not a minute in the NICU. Right after she was born they put her on my chest and she remained there for her first hour and a half of life. She nursed in that hour. She snuggled and I just gave prayers of thanks to God for such a perfect little girl. I will never forget His wonderful gift to us. Wonderful and perfect. 

It's funny because I can't remember life without her now. It just seems like a different world. She's such a sweet baby. I'm so excited to be along for the ride we call life with her! 

I think this birth story is a great example of why I have chosen the following bible verse as my "life verse"...

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18