Running- sometimes in cirlces...

If you read my post from yesterday you can tell I was pretty down and out with the nap (or lack of nap) situation. I was at my limit and looking over the edge. My poor baby just needed to sleep and she needed it bad. I might not look just like my baby girl (she takes after daddy in the physical feature department) but she most certainly takes after my sleep habits. She has always enjoyed and needed naps and sleep at night. After six days of not napping or napping for just a wink or two she was pathetic!

When Matt got home last night I was desperate and he could tell. I needed to run so he said we should all go. Now my husband does not enjoy running at all, so I know he knew I was hurting. He decided to take Lauren to the left and walk with her, while I ran to the right. Our neighborhood is exactly a one mile loop- mighty convenient! While I was running God and I were having a conversation. I was more pleading than talking with him about the situation Lauren and I were in. I was telling him I couldn't do this much longer and I knew He could help me- I was begging for help.

Well AMEN!! It came. Today Lauren Shea went down for her morning nap at 9:50 (my mom and discussed that maybe she wasn't tired enough at 9 and I should wait a little longer). She was out cold within 8 minutes. Sleeping in her crib like a big girl with no paci! She slept for a whole hour. This my friends is an act of God if I've ever seen one. All praise and glory goes to Him! Then I got nervous for the afternoon nap. We took a trip to the library just before nap, and I was trying to keep her awake in the car on the way home and she was in her crib and asleep in 7 minutes. She only slept for thirty-five minutes this go round but she woke happy and excited to see me. I can't praise our Lord enough!

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

"... I take one step forward, you take two steps back..."

I feel like that crazy Paula Abdul song- yesterday we at least got two naps in. Today, she's slept- ZERO minutes for nap. I wrote my pediatrician an email- I don't know where to turn. I'm doing what the "book" says and it's not working! My mom keeps telling me to relax and give it two weeks. It makes sense to give it two weeks, but I'm just so broken up after each cry session- I don't feel like I can last two weeks. I can't even call it nap time in my head anymore. It's more like Cry Fest '11.

Can you tell I've gone mad from it all! I just feel like I'm torturing her. And for today's nap she's served up a side of "gotcha." Where she will be quite for a bit, so I think she's falling asleep, then the moment I've got my hopes up she starts crying out again.

Part of me just wants to cry along with her. I feel like she shouldn't even "remember" the paci at this point. The pediatrician was just saying at her nine month check up that she has a very short, short memory and attention span- so why does it feel like she has this longing for her paci after six days?!

I think I might need to check into a funny farm if this doesn't work itself out. I'm just out of ideas. I just keep praying and praying- is this one of those times when God is answering my prayers and I'm just not hearing him or I'm looking in the wrong direction? I've never felt like a bad mommy until this. I feel like my intention are correct. She should be able to sleep without a paci at nine months old. Really after an hour of crying, does she even know what she is crying for? I'm just broken down and torn. I'm pleading with God for some answer, some solution, some way of helping her without creating a new "habit" for falling asleep. I feel like I'm screaming to an empty room and all I hear are my own echos.

I know that God doesn't ever leave us- but I'm felling mighty alone right now. I'm trusting that he'll help me but feeling pretty high and dry, and that feels pretty yucky! Can I really last for one more week of this?! I can, I can, I can- that's what I keep telling myself. I can! But I'm not sure I believe it...Oh Father- help me!!!

Slow & Steady

So update on the sleeping situation: bedtime = gold star! Last night (that is the fifth night) she went to sleep without a peep. Matt and I looked at each other with excitement and joy last night. Go us!! Go Lauren!!

Nap time isn't as grand, but better. Yesterday for morning she fell asleep after twenty minutes of crying. Then, because she was in a crazy uncomfortable looking position, Matt went in to move her. Big mistake! She woke to cry for an hour. Then we went to get her 9 month pictures taken and she fell asleep on the way home in the car. Matt tried to transfer her to the crib and that didn't work out and again lead to more crying. Today I was on my own, and with Matt back at work I was nervous. She however went down with only twenty minutes of fussing a Gus for both naps. She slept for thirty-five minutes in the morning and thirty minutes in the afternoon. Progress!

I'm hoping and praying for her to cry less tomorrow and sleep longer. She is so tired each night. She is used to two one to two hour naps a day and she hasn't gotten that since last Friday. I just keep praying for God to send his angels and know that she'll get the hang of it. Slow and steady- but all that matters is that we're now moving in the right direction.

"...I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

Will she ever be herself again?

Here we are again a day later and a day more exhausted. Yesterday we put her down for her morning nap and she cried for an hour again, but did fall asleep for twenty minutes. I was so excited I was thinking- progress, we're making progress!!!! After church she passed out on the way home. We had a few errands to run so she got a good forty minutes of sleep in the car. Then we had afternoon nap to contend with.

This time when we put her down we only let her cry for about a half hour and then I went in and got her (I'm upset with myself for doing this now- but I couldn't take it any longer then). So again, by Sunday night she was just done- all energy was expended. She was miserable and ready for bed. We went through the night time routine and she only cried for about forty minutes before passing out. The sad part again is when she passed out, she just leaning forward at the waist. The little girl just doubled over. I went in there once she was out cold and rearranged her (she didn't wake at all). I couldn't let her sleep all night like that.

Matt really helped me through it Sunday night- I was just beat and done. He really stepped up and talked me through it. I'm so grateful for his support.

I'm a glass half full type of girl- so the bright side is that she has slept through each night and woken up at 6:50-7 each morning without any issues. Well the first morning (Saturday) she woke up earlier and cried, but we didn't go get her until 7, because that is wake up time in this house and I'm not getting out of that routine. So the silver lining is that Sunday and Monday morning have been wonderful, she wakes up and lays in her crib babbling to herself until Matt or I comes in to get her.

Day three and morning nap was a fight. We put her down at nine, like we have been, but today we decided to not get her out until it has been in her crib for two hours. This sounds so painful and it was, but my reasoning is that she usually sleeps for two hours, and I think when we were pulling her out of the crib after the half hour we weren't giving her a chance to "fall asleep." I was afraid that naps from now on would be her crying for a half hour and then me rescuing her- only for her to never actually nap. She was on such a wonderful schedule before we took away this paci- I'm not willing to give that up and for her to be exhausted and miserable daily. So anyway, it took her an hour and forty minutes to finally pass out for morning nap. Again slumped over from exhaustion.

I busied myself with laundry, cleaning the bathroom, and writing this blog to get me through it. She woke after only twenty minutes of napping, but I feel like being optimistic- afternoon nap will go better!

Now I want to add that we aren't just leaving her to the dogs up there. We have been using a "controlled cry" technique. This is how it works. We lay her down, after five minutes of crying we go in and say "Mommy loves you, go to sleep", then after ten more minutes one of us goes in and says it again, then after fifteen more minutes we do the same routine. After that you go in every fifteen minutes and say "Mommy loves you, go to sleep." Now the SuperNanny website said that you don't touch them to sooth them because that is a positive reinforcement for the crying. They cry and you sooth them- then you've started a new habit.

As we continue- I'll keep posting.

"and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.” Psalm 50:15

Did I wait too long?

We've taken away Lauren's pacifier (aka paci). I was a huge fan of the paci when she was little. It worked wonders with calming her and helping her sleep. It was about middle of summer that I began wondering when to ween her from this wonderful contraption.

So, of course I went to Heather and asked her when she got rid of it. Her reply wasn't a good one because it started with "You're not going to like my answer..." And sure enough I didn't. She had weened all three kids around 3/4 months. She referenced the "Happiest Baby on the Block" man, who said that they really don't need it after this point because by then they can self sooth. Well it wasn't a good answer because Lauren was well in her way to eight months old. My response was "Why didn't you tell me this sooner woman!"

Now mind you, at this point she was only getting the paci in the car and at bed. I am not a fan of the paci just hanging out in the babies mouth for no real reason. She was a pretty content child and only needed soothing at those times. So, after this conversation Matt and I talked about it and we decided to only have her using the paci at night- no car. This wasn't that bad of a transition. I was a little nervous because we had a 4 hour car trip to the beach coming up- but I knew we could do it since she is really good in the car anyway. We all survived just fine.

So the next mountain to climb was getting rid of the paci at sleep times. We waited until now to do this (she's just over nine months). My girlfriends Marie and Amy gave me the shove. Marie because we were chatting about sleeping and I was saying what a wonderful sleeper Lauren was but that we still where doing the paci thing. Then as I thought about it, she would occationally wake up in the middle of the night and Matt would go in and give her the paci and she would fall back asleep. This would happen in the early morning too. So, was she a good sleeper or not? Amy gave me the shove because she was going to do stop rocking Noah to sleep and start letting him do it on his own. He doesn't use a paci to start so she was breaking him of the rocking habit only. Noah is also three month younger than Lauren.

After both of these conversation I decided let's do it and Matt fully agreed. So we started Friday night with no paci. She cried for about 45 minutes and then passed out. I was thinking- oh that wasn't bad. Then then next day came and we put her down for a nap. She cried for an hour and never actually slept a wink. I got her up and scratched that nap. Then for her afternoon nap, same thing crying for an hour so I got her up. She usually sleeps between one and two hours for each nap, so by Saturday night this girl was EXHAUSTED!!!! She was beside herself. Saturday night after our bedtime routine she cried for about an hour and then passed out sitting up right. It was a sad and pathetic site.

Mind you each time I put her down my heart was breaking and I just wanted to run in there and get her up. I kept praying for God to calm her and lay his hand upon her. I prayed for God to put his angels around her and me so that we will make it through. I know she's in no physical pain and that she is just testing her boundaries. This is a big transition for her. I feel like i keep second guessing myself. Maybe I waited too long, maybe we should have let her keep it longer. Maybe...

I plan on posting again and letting you know how this whole crazy thing pans out. In the mean time, pray for me!

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1