I'm not perfect but my God is!

If I were to go back in time and talk to myself ten years ago I don't think I'd believe myself when I heard where God would take me in ten years. If you asked me ten years ago what my life would be like in the future- I'm not sure I could have even imagined my life as I know it now. Yes, I wanted to marry Matt and yes, we wanted a family, and yes, I wanted to be a teacher but I couldn't have written this story as well as God has.

Ten years ago we were coming out of another very cold and long winter, which looking back I find very ironic. After finish up with college and student teaching that winter- I spent the first part of 2004 living with my mom and stepdad, and driving about an hour to see Matt- although I remember him driving an hour to see me more often, he was wonderful even back then! That was such a growth time for my relationship with my mom and stepdad. They were there for me during a time when I needed their spiritual and emotional guidance. They really helped me grow in ways I only see now looking back. The time with them was one where I was starting to stretch my legs as an adult, and their gentle guidance was exactly what I needed. Trying to figure it all out, thinking I knew more than I actually did and being so naive to the wide world that lay ahead of me. God so wonderfully placed me in their care for just such a season and I can see that now. Good thing He knows best.

Ten years ago, in 2004, I had just finished college and the world was at my fingertips. I remember wanting a job so bad. I had worked so hard in college and I was so asking God to give me the job of my dreams- teaching at the elementary level with a good school system, where I would work and get my masters (which I believe I was asking God to put me at a wonderful school system that would pay for said masters degree...lol). I was putting out applications and interviewing. Oh, I didn't even have a full understanding then of what it meant to be a teacher, the hours, the long hours. The emotional strength you need to endure the needy children each year. The bureaucracy of schools and how that affects your classroom- oh I was so naive! But I thought I knew what I wanted- thankfully God knows best.

I don't think I could have imagined the road the Lord would take me on, us on for that matter. In 2004, on July 20th, Matt would ask me to be his wife- ten years later I couldn't imagine my life without him. I don't think then I had an inkling of how perfectly matched we were for each other. I didn't yet see how his strength and stability were exactly what I would need to make it through the rough roads that lay ahead. That his sense of humor and caring touch would allow me to grow into the 'me' God intended. I couldn't have possibly seen how perfectly paired we were for enjoying this life as husband and wife and as parents but most of all as best friends. I didn't yet see how God knew what I needed in a husband before I did. But I sure am glad that my blue eyes met his mysterious brown eyes and ten years later, the sparkle God created in those eyes would still be shining- and even brighter if I might add that! What a wonder His love is and how He knows best.

Ten years ago I couldn't have dreamed of the two girls who lay asleep upstairs. Yes I wanted babies...children but God knowing best blessed me with ones that complete our family in a way that only they could. There are some nights I lay in bed and wonder about the babies God is holding tight in heaven for us and I wonder about them, how they will make our heavenly family just as it should be too- they are perfect in a way that only God could have made them. I pray often for them and how if they weren't waiting for me in Heaven, then I wouldn't have the two girls I do here on earth- tears fill my eyes when I thank God for knowing best, which babies needed Him more than me and which ones need me to fill them up with His love first. Without the tears, I think I might not have seen His glory quite as bright as I do now. "His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Good thing He knows best. 

I know ten years ago I didn't yet realize that we were going to move away from home, and forge a life of our own. Looking back I see God walking next to us through the good times with smiles and laughs and the rough times with tears and broken hearts. I didn't yet see how my faith in Him would grow with each passing year- and that each struggle and each triumph would build me into the character I possess now. 

I wouldn't change a thing- although when I look back to my dreams of ten years ago, ones of being married to Matt and having a family and a career, all things that did come out of the last ten years- I wouldn't have ever imagined a story as wonderful as the one I call my life. I'm not perfect, far from it in so many ways, but my God is and he has written the most perfect life story for me...and the best part is the story isn't over...there is more to come! How awesome is that!!

Now, looking ahead for what the next ten years might hold just makes me excited. Like my daughter's wide eyes, filled with excitement and wonder on Easter morning- I think of what God's plans are for us.  I know they will be filled with struggles and blessings- as they should be. I wonder about how big our family will eventually be. I wonder how my role as mom will change as my family grows. I can't even begin to imagine how much stronger my marriage could be as Matt and I continue to navigate this world together- cords bound together by God. I wonder about the lives I could impact with God love if I just continue to remember that God's will be done in my life- that I can be his hands and feet in this broken world. It's a good thing I'm not perfect and God is- because I have a feeling He's a better story writer than I am!

 Matt and I ca. 2004

Matt and I ca. 2014

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." Colossians 2:6-7

Our Legacy

This is my "deep thoughts" post I was alluding to back here. I don't often have time these days to think beyond poop, boogers, and dinner but lately I've found myself thinking about what we leave behind when we're gone. I know that might sound a bit morbid- but stick with me here. 

I remember when I was younger and people would tell me that 'You're just like your dad..'. or 'You're just like your mom...' I love my parents and now would find that to be a complement but back then I wanted to be Jennifer not Sharon or Mike. When I noticed that I would do or say something the way they would, I would roll my eyes and tell myself to not do that again. I don't want to 'turn into them' I would think. These days, especially when I miss them, I have a different outlook. 

I feel very blessed to have both of my parents still with me on earth. It often pains me that we live so far away, but that's how it is and unless God has plans to move us back home that is how it will remain. I don't take for granted anymore the qualities that I now posses because they're my parents. 

My mom, although very run by her emotions, is very loving and compassionate. She is a lover of all things God created and has a big heart to show it. I know that my large heart and loving, nurturing side come from her. All those hugs she gave me in my life are being passed along to my daughters. And I pray that they pass those same hugs and kisses on to their children too. My mother also gave me my crazy side. She can be very goofy and has a loud, roaring laugh that I can hear in my head as I type this. She is, as I already stated, highly emotional- in both good and bad ways. I know that I also inherited some of this from her too...even though it is a side of me I have to keep in check, it's something I get from her and so I cherish that quality.

From my dad I get my logical and grounded side. He is very process oriented and having things concrete and organizable is good. From him I get my tidy side. I get my love for making things work and enjoying the finished product of a task. I have his inability to tell a joke and his eyes.

My parents are both very outgoing and can talk to anyone. Heck, my mom will tell a random stranger her whole life story, as long as they're willing to listen. And my dad can ramble on for hours. This is something else I've picked up from the both of them- I've made friends in the bathroom so you see I've got these gifts too! They are also the type of people who like to be in the "driver's seat" - or hum how do I say this, like to be the one calling the shots. And I have also inherited this wonderful trait (I'm not sure you can tell how sarcastically I'm saying this statement). It's that old saying, 'if you want something done right, do it yourself' mentality. This can be a curse and a blessing, it all depends on the situation. But good, bad, or indifferent- that's us.

So as I contemplate all the wonderful, and maybe not so wonderful, traits I've picked up from my parents I think that I'm their legacy. A little of them will always live on in me. The same is to be said of my children. The crazy quirks that scream "Jennifer's child" as I watch Lauren grow and interact with the world around her are the gifts I'm giving to this world.

I once heard on the radio that you shouldn't kiss and hug your children so they kiss and hug you back, but so that they too will kiss and hug their children. I often think of that when I'm showering my girls with unconditional love and sometimes get very little in return. On the days when I feel I just give and give of myself- that is when I remember, I give them love so they intern will give love to the world. 

When talking with a friend who is about to a dad for the first time I told him that this is the best job of my life, but it can also be the hardest, most tiring  and most thankless job I've ever had too. I wouldn't trade any moment though. Not the temper tantrums or saying the same thing 500 times just to say it 501. I hope that Lauren and Olivia someday are able to understand that the part of them they get from me is a gift and I hope they can embrace how special that is, just as I'm doing.

 Mom and I on my wedding day.

Dad and I on my wedding day

"Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10

What I've Learned Loving You...

I've learned that...

...life is never too busy to stop and snuggle

...each moment is fast and fleeting, so take time and embrace them all - even if they're full of smelly diapers and whinny demands

...no mess is too big to clean up when it brings a smile to your face

...God is full of miracles so always keep your eyes and heart open to receive them

...the best made plans are not as fun as a spontaneous idea and a creative child

...my heart never stops growing

...singing a song can turn a frown upside down

...watching you grow is a hobby I enjoy more than anything else

...true love comes in all sizes.

To my girls, whom I love with every ounce of my being- You light my life with joy that is indescribable and unbeatable. I pray for God to keep you safe, healthy, and happy all the days of your life.

Love Mommy!

"As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12

Our Story

I don't think I've ever taken the time to write down the story of how Matt and I came to be. It's not a particularly breathtaking story. No punch line, no flashiness, and no mind-blowing action. Just a story about us and how God brought together two humans that he made to be partners in life. So, as you read don't be excepting too much. In fact, I mostly wrote this post for selfish reasons. I wanted to think about our humble begins and look at how far we've come. The end of this past June puts us together for the last 11 years. It's a special story to us, and frankly that is all that matters to me. So here it is- and just to warn you this could get long...

I transferred colleges after my first year. I was pressured to go away from home when I was applying for colleges and after my first year I knew that being so far away wasn't for me (now that makes me chuckle since I live 9 hours from where I grew up). So I transferred to a college closer to home (twenty minutes on the other side of the city from where I grew up) at the end of my freshman year. So when I started school my sophomore year I did the whole "Freshman Orientation" thing again. I was grouped with other transfers and I was thankful for that. It was a nice way to transition into a new school. In my group was a guy named Pat. He and I hit it off right away and after school started we would still meet up to study in the library or go to the dinning hall every once and a while. He was a nice guy and I think we went out a few times that winter. That is how I met his group of friends.

Pat was local as well and so his high school friends who went to school locally were around. I met them a few times with Pat. That spring we weren't hanging out as much and I hadn't seen many of them. This is until the following summer when I saw Sue at K-Mart (that's where she worked). She invited me to hang out and so I joined up with them again. I started hanging out with them more. That is the summer is when I met Matt.

Matt went to a college about three hours away from home and so when I first meet everyone, he wasn't around. But that summer when I was hanging out with them there he was. I honestly didn't think much of him at first. I mean, I thought he was cute- but he wasn't (and still isn't with people he doesn't know) a talker. On the other hand Phil was out going and easy to talk to, so I naturally got to know him faster. This would be instrumental to Matt and me getting together. 

One night I had everyone over to my house, my parents were out of town- so shhhh and don't tell them. That night Phil was working and didn't come. I guess since he wasn't there to chat with I noticed Matt a little more than usually. He was quite funny himself and he had me laughing. I also noticed that when everyone left he stayed behind to help me clean up and I thought to myself- who is this guy? After that night I started paying a little more attention to him.

My friendship with Phil helped me out since Matt and Phil are/were best buds. After noticing Matt more I was liking the kind, funny, sweet guy I was seeing. I asked Phil about him and he filled me in that Matt is painfully shy and if I was interested I better be the one to make a move. I asked Phil to talk to him, but from what I recall he never did. I laugh now thinking about how shy Matt can be. God picked out a perfect complimentary partner right from the beginning. If you know me, you know that I'm NOT shy at all. I can make a friend in a public restroom, and I have. I can also talk to a brick wall and get it to answer. God gave me these skill for a lot of reasons, but my favorite reason is that my shy Matt needed an outgoing Jennifer!

I was nannying Emily and Ethan that summer (the best job in the whole world aside from being a mommy to Lauren) and I took them on "field trips" each week. One week I was taking them to the Children's Museum and asked Sue and Matt to come along with me. Bob, Emily and Ethan's dad, let me drive their SUV so I had enough room for everyone. And I was so excited to go!!! This would be the first thing Matt and I did that wasn't in a huge group of people. I honestly don't remember to much about the day at the museum but I remember the kids passing out in the back on our way home. I dropped off Sue and then headed to Matt's house to drop him off. While I had him alone and the kids sleeping I asked him if he wanted to go out some time, without the kids of course. He said sure. I remember being so nervous. I dropped him off and headed back to Emily and Ethan's house with major butterflies in my stomach.

I didn't hear anything from Matt for a week or so and then after hanging out with the group one night, Matt was driving, he asked me to stay in the car when everyone else was getting out. I did and we set our first date. We went to Applebee's for dinner. Remember how I told you I can talk to a brick wall, well my shy husband was very close to being a brick wall that night. I remember him looking at the TV that was behind me on the wall (he later told me it was because he was so nervous) and I was thinking- hey buddy I'm right here. Then we went to the dollar theater to see a movie. The movie was awful! It was "Traffic" and I remember thinking it was about a traffic jam and it was about drug trafficking. Not my kind of movie at all! We sat in his van after the movie and talked to wee hours of the night. In fact, I got into trouble for coming home so late that night. It was worth it. 

After that first date we continued to enjoy seeing each other. A week later he came to my side of the city (we lived on opposite sides of the city- forty minutes apart) and we went to the bay and took a walk and we started "going steady." LOL! Oh I remember how awkward it felt and how nervous I was when we talked about it. That night he had dinner at my house and I remember my step-mom saying he was a handsome man. We started dating/going steady June 26th 2001. We got engaged July 20th 2004, and we were married October 22nd 2005. 

Since we started dating so long ago, lol, we didn't have digital cameras back then and so I don't have too many of our first photos on the computer. I did find two picture from later that summer though...

Matt and I in August 2001

Matt and I in September 2001, at Matt's birthday party.