And the rain came....

Last night the rain came and it hit out of no where. By rain I mean tears and by out of no where I literally mean out of no where. I haven't cried much after the miscarriage. I cried tears of anger that day, but I hadn't cried tears of sorrow and mourning until last night. This scared me a little. I felt sad, I felt pain, I felt brokenhearted, so why no tears? I've always been a crier, why not now?

Matt and I had just put Lauren down, he went outside to pick up the outdoor toys and patio stuff for the night. I went to waste time on Facebook. While I was on there I noticed that a girl that I was pregnant with had just had her second baby girl at the beginning of April. I was looking at a few of the pictures and that was all it took for me to realize that I was pregnant and I'm not anymore. That I don't get to enjoy the baby my body was just carrying. That I'm going to have to wait a little longer for the baby I long for. 


I quickly got off the computer and cried while I waited for Matt to come back in. He just hugged me while I calmed myself down. He asked what was wrong but by that time I was too upset to make any sense. After a good LONG hug, I was calm. I needed something to distract me from what I was feeling and thinking, so we watched an episode of Office and we had some Reese's Pieces and I was feeling better.


I knew it would come but I was surprised it was so random. I'm just glad Matt was home and his sweet embrace would help calm my anxious heart. I know God has more kids for us, I just know it in my heart and soul. I will keep praying and keep trusting in our loving Lord.




"Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed at that moment." Matthew 9:22

Road Work Ahead...Rough Road...Bump...

Well this is a week I'd like to put behind me. Like my post title suggests, it was a rough one. One I was hoping and praying I wouldn't have to relive. Unfortunately, Blueberry is now in heaven being held by our Heavenly Father. This post is for me. I need to write it and I need to make sure I'm letting my feelings out. The last time this happened, before we were blessed with Lauren, it took me down a long and dark road. And after leaving that road, I'm still haunted by it. It was a lonely road. This time I want to be on the road that might have a rough patch or a bump or two- but one that is lite with generator lights and waiting to be finished. I am determined to not let this road take me back to the dark one.


I have to first say that I am devastated, hurt, frustrated, sad, upset, angry, tired...but doing okay. Like I said I'm writing this post for me...so here goes nothing.


Last Saturday we had plans to head to the local botanical gardens to meet Peter Rabbit and enjoy a picnic lunch with Noah and Amy. That morning I went to the bathroom and saw pink. I told Matt and he reassured me that I was fine and not to worry about it. (I should mention that he has to do this numerous times during my pregnancies, since our first miscarriage I'm a paranoid lady- for good reason might I add) Later in the morning I saw more pink and told him I needed to call the doctor. So I called and he said the same thing Matt did- it's normal this early on and not to worry about it. He asked if I had any cramps, which I didn't, and told me to relax. I heeded to their requests and went on to meet Peter Rabbit- Lauren was head over heals in owe of this big bunny. She couldn't keep her eyes off the guy long enough to take a picture.

Pictures with Peter Rabbit.

After our adventures with Peter Rabbit we headed home for dinner and then a treat at the frozen yogurt shoppe (yum, yum).


The next morning was Easter and boy was I excited. I had gotten her basket all ready and didn't let Matt sleep an extra wink. We enjoyed the treats and smiles from an excited little girl. She was head over heals with the goodies and gifts from the Easter Bunny. 


Might I add that it was such a difference from last year when she could have cared less...funny how one year can make such a difference in reaction. Anyway after breakfast we headed upstairs. I got Lauren ready in her cute little blue dress while Matt got himself ready. Then it was my turn, so I jumped on the potty only to find red instead of pink. I was in an immediate panic. I kept calling Matt's name until he showed up. I called the on-call service again and then while I was waiting for the doctor to return my call I called Garrett in tears. No, in pure panic mode. She said I should go to the hospital, which was what I was thinking as well. When the doctor beeped in I was crying and sobbing. I knew my instinct was right yesterday, I knew it...the doctor on the phone kept telling me I needed to calm down. I told her my history about having two miscarriages already and that yesterday I had seen pink and today it was red. She said, again, that it was normal to bleed like this early on in pregnancy. She said this wasn't an emergency and that I should call the doctors office first thing in the morning. I was thinking "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" I started to panic again and told her in my panicked voice (from the outsiders point of view you could say I yelled at the sweet doctor) "you can't make me wait, I can't wait, please don't make me wait!" I knew that I wouldn't feel any bit of comfort or reassurance until I saw that the baby was okay.


I spent most days of this pregnancy telling myself, or having Matt tell me, everything was okay. It was going to be okay. All the yuck of having a miscarriage was behind me. So when this happened the panic that lay just below the surface for the previous twelve weeks took over. I wasn't going to be okay until I knew without a doubt that it was okay. I feel like the doctor began to realize this as well. She told me that if I choose to go to the hospital that they wouldn't be able to do much of anything- well they could give me an ultrasound and I knew that. So she hesitantly said that if I choose to that I should go to the one their practice was next to.


After getting the go ahead from the doctor, I called Garrett back and asked if she would take Lauren to church with her. She said sure. I put my game face on and got to organizing what Lauren would need for the day and brushed my teeth, put on clean undies (mind you I never did get to my shower that morning), and headed out the door. We dropped off Lauren, which broke my heart to know that she would be celebrating my favorite part of Easter without us. And then we headed to the hospital.


On the way there I texted my family. I couldn't call them. I was barely holding it together and knew getting on the phone with any of them would send me right back in to panic mode. I needed to be level headed when I got to the hospital I didn't need to be blubbering and snotting all over the place. I kindly said that in my message and told them I'd be in contact when we had news. 


The ER was quiet and we got right in. We were there for a total of three hours, which isn't that bad. We had a wonderful nurse and doctor who checked me and said that my cervix was closed and she could see the tissue in front of the cervix that was causing the bleeding. She said it was normal, again. I did have a small ray of hope after hearing that, but I would say I was preparing myself for the worst the whole time we were there. 


After a few hours the ER doctor got the go ahead to give me an ultrasound. Romeo came and picked me up. Poor Romeo...he started out so sweet and friendly. He said that Matt could join me as he wheeled me to the ultrasound room. He started with the wand that they use on the outside of your tummy, but since they had made me give them a urine sample back when I got admitted, he had little luck seeing the baby. So after he switched wands, he began by measuring the baby. Mind you I was twelve weeks pregnant at this point, but the baby measured nine weeks and a day or two. I knew right then. Matt however didn't notice the measurements and he spent the whole time looking for the heartbeat, which wasn't there. It was so sad to watch yet I couldn't turn away, as panicked as I was, as much as I was preparing myself for the worst, the hope was still there. The hope that allowed me to accept when Matt told me everything was alright all those times. The hope that allowed me to tell myself that everything was going to be alright.


Poor Romeo got very quiet and kept telling us that the ER doctor would tell us all about the report. He was sweating bullets and trying to do a good job but get it over as soon as possible. I tell you I've never seen a man whose undies weren't on fire move so fast once he got my bed secured in the ER room again. (I use this humor to keep myself sane, just fyi). The doctor came in shortly after to tell us what we already knew. They gave me a nice stiff shot of Rhogam and sent us packing. 


We called Garrett and let her knew we'd be there to get Lauren after picking up some lunch for ourselves. We only shared the small fries as we headed to get her. We were tired, we were sad, we were ready to be home and we weren't very hungry. 


That night the on-call doctor whom I had spoken with on the phone that morning called and sweetly said she had been thinking about us all day. She said she was sorry to hear that it was bad news we had gotten at the hospital. Then she told me not to eat anything after eight the next morning and to head to the doctors office the next day at 11:45. She had spoken with my doctor and she knew we'd be coming.


Amen, for good friends and family. Esther was able to watch Lauren for us the next day so we could go to the doctors. My mom said she could fly down if we needed her to but I had asked her if it was okay for me to ask Matt's mom first- she was fine with that. I knew that if anything went bad or if I wasn't in good shape that I would need someone who could take care of Lauren for a few days without me. My mom has disabling arthritis in her feet and struggles taking care of herself some days. I wanted her hugs but I needed my mother-in-laws energy for Lauren's sake. Plus, my MIL is wonderful and a very calming presence to be around. I knew that she would be as much a help to me as she would be to Lauren. So my MIL put the petal to the metal and head our way Monday morning. 


Of course at the doctors office the reception lady had no idea why we were there, but after having gone through this before I was prepared for all the stupid crap you deal with. I took a deep breath and explained that I had spoken with the on-call doctor the night before and my doctor should be excepting me. Even then she told me she could only get me in to see the NP, whom I didn't need to see, nor did I want to. I wanted to see my doctor who would advise me on what we would do, who had helped me down this road before, and who had been down this road herself before. That is who I wanted. So, in my nice voice, I said no that I wanted to see the doctor. And poof all of a sudden I was able to. Live and learn- that you need to stick up for yourself when it comes down to it.


I was so torn going into this appointment. Last time we had been down this road we decided to take a pill and pass the baby at home. She made it seem so simple and way less dangerous than a surgery. The thing was the dose she gave me sent me into instant labor and I'm talking hard, intense labor within a few hours. The pain was unbearable and Matt had to call for an ambulance to take to me to the hospital. I found out that night that I'm a fast laborer. Even with Lauren it was only five-six hours of labor (start to finish) before she was born. So I was so hesitant to use that method again. But I liked that my body did the work and felt like the recovery was very fast and we got right back on the baby making road without any problems. I was nervous about the surgery since I would be put under and there were complications associated with it. Matt and I hemmed and hawed over what to do. Well God figured out a way- she gave me a 1/2 dose of the drug and scheduled me for the surgery. I didn't know it at the time, but this was exactly what I wanted/needed. 


We left the doctors around 1 o'clock and headed to fill the prescription. Matt's first instinct was to fill it at the hospital but the lady who gave us piece of paper made it seem like we should head to an outside pharmacy. We headed to one and they said it would take an hour to fill. Mind you we were told to check in at the out-patient registry at 2 o'clock, so we didn't have an hour. That is when my husband said- we'll fill it at the hospital pharmacy and even if we have to wait an hour, we'll be there and checked it. So we headed right back to where we started. I got the paperwork filled out while he got the prescription filled. Then I went and took the pill while Matt took the paperwork to the guy for check-in. Before we knew it we were in the OR prep room.


This was a nice private room with two chairs, a bed, a TV, and a shared bathroom. The lady got me all checked in and here we stayed for the next three hours. I started cramping at three thirty and was enjoying the "joys" of labor contractions by four thirty. Now the lady at the doctors office who scheduled this for us said the surgery would be at four thirty, five o'clock. So when I was having to breath through each contraction while Matt rubbed my back and Matt tells me it's five o'clock I decided to called the nurse to figure out what was going on. She was so sweet with her cute accent, she told me that last she knew they were waiting for the OR room to free up, but that she would go check. She came back with the anesthesiology, best friend to a girl in labor, and he looked through my paperwork, asked me a few questions, and watched me go through some contractions as we went through the process. They then got me all set to head to the recovery room. You see they were going to get me an IV and in order to do that I had to be hooked up to the monitors, and there had to be someone watching me. So I headed to recovery where labor pains continued, and the nice man poked me with a needle and didn't get an vein, then I enjoyed more labor pains, and he continued poking me in the other arm.  Yeah for me when he got an IV in that vein and gave me some nice meds to dull the pain. 


It's hard to describe going through labor and ending up with nothing. It makes you feel a bit empty. It makes you wonder why and breaks your heart a little each time. I still remember being in such disbelief after having Lauren that she was mine and they were going to let me bring her home. I know it seems weird, but when you head home with nothing it makes you question it (it being the process).


Anyway, after the happy meds I passed a good amount of "stuff" on my own. I think it relaxed my body and allowed it to do it's things. It wasn't long after that they took me off to surgery. The last thing I remember is asking if someone would pray for me and one of the nurses praying as I drifted off. I woke up almost immediately as they wheeled me back to recovery. Poor Matt didn't even have enough time to eat before the doctor was looking for him. She told him everything went well and that I would have miscarried on my own within the hour. I was happy to know that my body did most of the work. I feel like it contributed to such an easy recovery. I wasn't allowed to resume normal activities until three days but was breaking the rules and picking up Lauren on day two. 


Emotionally I'm still not there. I feel like most moments of the day are fine. Lauren keeps me busy and gives great company. She's gives the best hugs and kisses when Matt isn't home to help in that department. I'm trying not to be angry about it and understanding that life is full of suckiness and that it happened for a reason. I'm thankful that I have my family and friends and I'm reaching out more this time. And this time I feel like I have people to reach out to. Last time I felt very alone and it wasn't until I started telling people what had happened that people started telling me how they had been down that same sad road themselves. Now I have those wonderful people to lean on when I need it most. I'm also thankful that I'm home- I don't have to smile and pretend like life is okay in the work place, when indeed it's not. I don't have to face a world of people who are just going about their daily lives with little regard for how much I'm hurting inside. This time I can relax and adjust in the comfort of my own home. I think that has been a huge help with me not being so angry this time. I'm grateful for the angels God has placed on my road- for my generators that are keeping it lit even though it's dark out there. I can't name them all but each and every one of them has a special place in my heart. Whether it was a hug, a card, helping me with Lauren, offering/making a meal, or a kind word of encouragement- they were all appreciated by both Matt and I. 


I'm looking forward and keeping my head up. I'm treasuring Lauren that much more (it's amazing that as much as I love her I still can love her more). I'm remembering to look for the blessings that surround me each and every day.


"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD." Psalm 31:24

The Joy of being Lauren's parents

Today we had a joy of watching Lauren at our churches Easter Egg Hunt. She was so cute. I took enough photos to fill an album. Here are a few of my favorites...

This is one of those moment where I was thinking of last year and how we just put her down in front of an egg and she was curious but not quite old enough to interact with the fun going on around her (I added the picture to the right from last year).This year she knew what to do and was excited to be doing it. She only got two eggs, darn you short little legs, but she could have cared less. She's such a good little girl (I originally was going to put baby, but she's not a baby anymore). The things she does sometimes blows our minds and makes our hearts sing. God bless our little girl!


PS. This is my 100th post!! What a perfect way to celebrate!!


"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers." 1 John 3:16

Door to Door

So the next new big thing going on in our house has to do with our wonderful (sarcastically said) back door. This door has been a pain in our behinds since the second or third year we lived here, and unfortunately the fun didn't stop then. Something is either wrong with the door or whoever installed it did a crappy job. The jury is still up in the air about which one is the culprit but we'll find out in a month. That's when my dad will be down and each year he comes we always find him a wonderful project for him to do. He's a go, go, go man and every time he's been down here without a project he seems to find one, so I try and be proactive and give him one. One year he helped with odd end jobs, one year he power washed the house, one year he (and my father-in-law) rebuilt my front porch/stoop, another year he helped us putting up new lights on the outside of the house, and yet another year he helped us run networking cables under the house so that Matt can have the living room computer and family computer connected. So he's helped us with lots of fun household projects, and we're extremely grateful!


This year he is helping us install our new back door. Right now we have a unit that has one stationary panel and the other side works like a normal door (not sure the technical name). The problems we've had all deal with water. Somehow water is getting in and slowly rotting parts of the door. It's all part of the alluring mystery we're hoping to solve when we remove the door.


We attempted to fix it way back when and had a guy come and put a new threshold in and a new rubber sweeper on the bottom of the door. Then my dad (oh, I forgot about this project) put a sliding screen door on to help keep the rain away. I also re-caulked the door to help as well. They were all just band-aids because the rot continued. Now it has gotten to where the door is just a lost cause. So when we were planning his annual trip this year, I marked this as our project.


We went shopping to look at different door styles. I wasn't sure what type I wanted but I new that I didn't want a sliding door. That is what Matt was thinking. The problem with them is the door opening is so small and this is our primary door we use virtually every time we leave or enter the house. Sliders can be heavy and the thought of trying to slide it with my arms filled with stuff and baby just didn't work for me. He agreed once he realized that they just don't open wide enough. The reason we need the door to be "wide" is that our front door is to cramped for getting big things in and out. It's fine if that big item is going upstairs, but if you're trying to get a fridge or washing machine in this house, there is no way you'd be able to use the front door. I also wasn't sure I wanted the same style we have now- I think that's because I associate this door with all the annoying things we've put up with. So then I was up in arms as to what we should get. 


My in-laws were here not too long ago and we were talking about it with them. They are also looking to replace a patio door in there house. I think they were the first to plant the idea in my head about a door with sidelights. So when we went looking I saw the door or my dreams (lol) and it happened to be a door with sidelights, but not just any sidelights, venting sidelights. They have screens and open so I can have them open and enjoy the beautiful cross breeze on cool days. Also with this door we should be able to put a screen door on it as well. My dad thinks that will help if the problems were having now do stem from the lack of overhang from the roof. Either way, I'm hoping that this new door helps elevate some, if not all, of our back door problems.


So the door is ordered and my dad and step-mom are headed down in a month. I hope that this project goes smoothly and this door lasts longer than ten years. I'm super excited and can't wait!


"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

A few things here and there...

I wish, as always, that I had more time/motivation to do more posts. Things just seem to be happening in super speed here. Well except the days that I can't get myself to do but the bare minimum and I pray for this first trimester yuck to be gone! I have very little interest in eating but if I don't the whole world stops until I consume something. I still have days like today that are way better and I feel functional.  The catch twenty-two to that is I start to get nervous something is wrong, but God doesn't let those thoughts fill my head too long because before I know it I feel like pooh on a stick again. Then I wish I hadn't wasted that precious time being nervous. It's all a big viscous cycle. I'm trying to brake it today by just getting stuff done!

I know that this whole slowing down during pregnancy is purposeful though. Last time I didn't get it, but this time I do! I feel like it prepares you for when the baby gets here and that sweet bundle of joy consumes your every waking and sleeping moment. This yuck and lack of energy is just a sneak peak the real thing.

Lauren has been blowing my mind lately. She is just a little girl now. She can follow simple directions and is so frappin' cute when she walks around babbling to herself or saying "Ball" over and over. She loves being outside. Last weekend we had friends in from out of town and she was outside playing with their boys all day Saturday and I'm pretty sure she was in heaven. She enjoyed the pals to "play" with and I'm sure she was just at awe with all the things they could do. She's a little sponge and enjoys being a helper. I completely take advantage of this. Hey if she wants to help vacuum and dust who am I to say no?! In fact, the floors got so bad around here she was asking me to vacuum... oops. 

What's sad is that her 16 month "birthday" came and went without me even realizing it. Yikes- my sweet baby is getting bigger and I'm so slow these days I'm forgetting to celebrate it (we don't really celebrate it with any party or hoopla). I'm telling you this pregnancy stuff really does start preparing you for when the baby gets here. 

We call the baby "Blueberry" and I'll tell Lauren to say hi to Blueberry and she points to my belly- which by the way I'm convinced is already started to grow...holy fastness here people! Last time I couldn't wait to get into the maternity clothes because I was so excited to be prego and couldn't wait for the baby bump, and don't get me wrong I'm excited this time too, but this time I remember that once you start wearing those clothes you don't go back for a LONG time. This time around I'm enjoying my normal clothes for as long as I can.

Well Noah is starting to wake up and I should go get him. Hopefully it won't be too long before I fill you in on all the other things going on around here.

"Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation." 1 Peter 2:2

Excited! Elated! Overjoyed!

I'm not sure how many more synonymy I can come up with for how I feel, but I'll spare you and tell you why...I'm pregnant with a sweet little "Blueberry!"


We found out on Valentine's Day and I've been bursting to write about it on here. Today we went and had the first ultrasound and saw a strong heartbeat and that little Blueberry was already kicking and moving all over the place. I don't think I've allowed myself to get too excited but I'm getting there. After two miscarriages you tend to be more on the cautious side. But this one's a sticker and we feel blessed.


What I can say is that this little one is making me sick, sick, and more sick. My poor husband commented this weekend that he feels like a single parent, and I rebutted with- I feel like an absentee mom. With Lauren I just had trouble in the morning and learned that if I ate first thing it helped. Then I was pretty good all day- tired but functional. Then when I got home at night I was a dead dog, going to sleep by seven most nights. With this one- I'm just getting by, barely, all day long. In fact, some days I can't get myself off the couch long enough to eat, only to head right back there. Oh and eating. I don't want to eat- no sir! I have very little appetite but struggle because if I don't eat I'm worse off. The only food I've found to settle me is beef and peanut butter. If I eat mass amount of beef I can function pretty normally throughout my day. Have I mentioned that I'm not a big beef fan?!? I usually only plan a meal or two at most a week with beef. And then it's usually ground beef for tacos or Shepard's Pie. Occasionally I make us some burgers. But the other day I went to the grocery store a spent seventy dollars on beef products for our house. It's kinda sick. Tonight- pulled beef, mac and cheese, and coleslaw. I've never in my life had pulled beef- but I think it will not taste that much different than pulled pork- or so I hope.


We've already started the name game. Me coming up with names and Matt not liking them. We've got the boy's name all set since we still like what we had picked for Lauren (before we knew she was going to be a sweet little girl). The only switch is that this baby is do near Matt's dad's birthday (I hope I did the 's right?- sorry I suck at grammar). So if I happen to give birth on his birthday we are going to use his dad's first name for the middle name, if not then his middle name will be after my dad. The girl name- ha- is up for debate. Although the middle name has been decided. It will "Jean" after Matt's mom's middle name, my mom's middle name, and my middle name. That part was easy. Now if we can decided on a girl name- or not depending on how long the debate goes we might not need one...lol...oh lordy. 


We're just overjoyed with the thought of growing our family. What a blessing God has given us as we thank him for Blueberry daily. I know that Lauren is just as excited about Blueberry now that she has "pictures." When I showed them to her I also went upstairs and got out the little album we have of her ultrasound pictures. She really didn't care to much about the ones of her, but she kept pointing to and looking at the new ones that I added today to that special album. I called it her Blueberry book- she even took it in the car on our trip to the grocery store. She's already holding her brother/sister close. Another blessing.


Well I'm sure there will be more as we are just at the beginning of this very long and wonderful journey. But for now I need to go lay on the couch and pray Matt get's home soon so I can be "off duty." 


"He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor" Proverbs 21:21

Snuggle Bunnies

Last night we were a family of snuggle bunnies. We've had our house invaded by the guys fixing our furnace and air conditioner unit. They started yesterday with removal of the old unit and that left us without heat. Of course it was the coldest night of the surrounding days, going down to 30 degrees, go figure. But we survived without any frost bite.

We decided to all sleep down stairs in the guest/play room. I always have the pack-n-play set up in there for Noah anyway. I just changed out the sheets for Lauren and Matt and I took up residence in the spare bed. This room gets full sun all day so it is one of the warmest in the house. We were hoping it would stay warmer with all of us in it, and it wasn't too bad. The house was 60 when we woke up this morning but under the covers was nice and cozy. Annabelle woke me up around 4:30 and Lauren was sleeping soundly, so I didn't disturb her. But by 5:40ish she was stirring so I put her in between us in the bed where she slept until 7 (well 8 since we were suppose to spring ahead today).

All in all it wasn't a bad thing, in fact it was neat falling asleep while I was listening to her soft breathing. She feel asleep pretty quickly for not being in her bed, and I went to bed at the same time as her watching a show on the laptop with headphones. Matt, bless his heart, stayed up cleaning the kitchen and doing other odds and ends chores. He said he attempted to play his video game but fell asleep on the couch instead.

I'm looking forward to heat coming from the vents again and I'm praying they get the furnace up and running before heading home today, but I enjoyed snuggling up together and all sleeping together in our cozy little spare room. To think that it wasn't that long ago that some families lived like this- all sleeping in the same room.

That brings me to a topic I've been discussing lately with a few friends. I've been talking about how big house are these days and how I find it unnecessary. My mom's house growing up had a living room, kitchen, and dining room downstairs, with three bedrooms and a bath upstairs. There was a finished "family" room in the basement too. But the house wasn't that big at all. My dad's house was a ranch with three bedrooms, a bathroom, living room and eat-in kitchen. It also had a finished basement adding an extra bedroom. Again not very big either. We survived just fine.

Now a days people have such huge homes. I don't have a desire for a big home. I know the home we're in isn't our "forever" home but when Matt and I talk about our forever home we only add two things- a garage and/or a basement and a dining room. We have zero storage in our house right now. Just closets. Having no basement or garage makes storing Christmas decorations and stuff like that hard. I want a dining room, in addition to an eat-in kitchen like we have now, for entertaining at holidays and hosting parties (like birthday parties for kid(s). In fact, I've redesigned the house we are in now (in my head) and when I do that we loose the spare room down stairs and gain a dining room.

I think my desire for a smaller house also has to do with the fact that I'm not a big spender. You pay so much more to heat and cool a big house. To maintain it and decorate it. The smaller the house the less stuff. My one friend has a beautiful home, but they have this huge foyer, which has a two story ceiling. To me it has an "aww" or "wow" factor to it, but it is such wasted space. I don't consider that living space and you pay all that money to heat it, for what? So people can say wow when they walk in. You could add a whole other room to the upstairs if you didn't have it.

I also like the fact that a small home brings a family together. When we were growing up at my dad's house (high school time) we only had two TV's in the house and one of them was in my parents room. My sister and I never went in there, so if we wanted to watch TV at night, we watched it with the family. My step-mom always said that there isn't enough family time as it is, at least we can all be in the same room watching the same program. Looking back, I liked that. I'm sure I fussed at the time that my dad was watching something stupid and I wanted to watch something else, but I got over it. So, on top of never desiring a big house, we also have no intention on allowing our kids to have a TV in their room. Oh, one last point. Smaller house = less to clean!!